It's the weekend! Fuck yeah! Here we go! Well, for most of us, but for the rest, this is the time when you go out and have fun! Yeah, I know sometimes life isn't fun and the bed seems like a better place than anything else. Waking up to find promises not fulfilled and is not something we like to do on a Friday morning. I missed Little House for this, god dammit and that pisses me off.

But, in a five minute brainstorm we came up with an idea. My allergies killing me as the cigar was being lit. There must be something we can do. Michele, being three time zones away has the thoughts in the morning. She has the advantage. I don't. I wake up and sit here for about an hour before my brain actually starts functioning. But, once it does, it really starts firing. So what do we do today? We slow down and think about what is really important. What we need to do. First things first. But, it's Friday....

Ok then. Here was an idea.

When the weekend is here and you think ofall of the rest and relaxation and maybe partying coming up, what is the song that most makes you get the feel of Friday?

Continue reading "Friday on my Mind" »

Posted by Turtle Jones at 4:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (10) | Del.icio.us It | Fark It | Digg It

As per this post, and the New York Jets crushing loss to the Pats today in a very exciting game, I hereby fulfill my end of the wager I had with Ernie, with a four stanza poem in which I declare my love for the New England Patriots.

Except I don't do exactly that. But I did the best I could under the circumstances. Duress and all that. Making me think of how much I hate Blesdoe. Making me get that bitter taste of Parcells in my mouth again. This was the best I could do and damn it, that's good enough.

Ode to the New England Patriots

I’m supposed to be nice in this poem
but that’s kinda hard, you know
when I have to write about a team
whose past includes blesdoe

and not to mention also
the various forms of hells
that I would have to think about
in order to mention parcells

plus the fact that its’s new england
which includes boston in its place
which makes me think of the red sox
which makes me want to stab your face

so I’m trying hard to be nice here
and use language like a lady
but the only thing I can come up with
is “do you have naked pics of tom brady?”

-M

Posted by Michele Christopher at 9:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (11) | Del.icio.us It | Fark It | Digg It

This was just an idea we came up with a few minutes ago. We at FTTW have been working hard to keep ourselves and the contributors minds together while we format and add in new stories every night (somehow it is always is at two in the morning when we are doing that). But for today, before we go back to rebuilding the site, we thought of something fun to do.

Seven songs for seven days. What song is your Monday song? Tuesday song? etc. Get it? Seven songs for seven days.

See if you can do it, too

Continue reading "The Soundtrack of Your Life (Contest!)" »

Posted by Michele Christopher at 2:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (17) | Del.icio.us It | Fark It | Digg It

We have been challenged.

Continue reading "Stupidest Lyrics Challenge - Big in Japan" »

Posted by Turtle Jones at 5:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (45) | TrackBacks (1) | Del.icio.us It | Fark It | Digg It

FTTW will be going thru some changes soon. The site you see today will be a site that will different in the next few months. Right now we are turning this site into an online magazine with regular writers with regular slots and regular features. There will be more information coming about the changes soon, but expect many new topics and many new faces. We are still deciding on what the topics will be, but we have about have about ten people in mind to write for the site on cetain topics.

The sidebar will change and Michele and I will always still be here at least once a day, but just expect to see new faces during the rest of the day. New topics to appeal to everyones different interests. From sports to cooking to cars to fashions to online cartoons to drug induced haze to being on the road in a shitty van. We have it all covered. FTTW will now become FTTFW. Faster Than The Fucking World. We hope you like it. And we hope you stick around. Cause things are going to get a little bit bumpy for a bit.

But this will be getting big soon.

Set your goals.- M/T

CIV - Set Your Goals

Posted by Turtle Jones at 9:04 AM | Permalink | Comments (19) | Del.icio.us It | Fark It | Digg It

Sometimes even the most jaded souls can find each other and realize that they were never jaded, well maybe they were, maybe they would never stop being being jaded, but when they meet, it was always like they were. The whole time. Just in different situations asking why they wanted to keep going on with this this life while someone on the other side of the world was wondering the same thing. Let's face it, life fucking sucks sometimes and sometimes you have to go thru living hell to hell to find what you knew was there the entire time but things held you back.

But they were there the whole time.

Turtle's vacation story:

Continue reading "Our FTTW Vacation" »

Posted by Turtle Jones at 10:56 AM | Permalink | Comments (12) | Del.icio.us It | Fark It | Digg It

This was a week to remember. We asked our friends to take over FTTW and they ripped it up. So let's give it up for them. C'mon. They made you laugh and they made you think. They rocked this site up with their stories while we were preoccupied. They really had our our backs and we thank them for what they did and we want all of them to know that if they ever need our help in a situation like this, we have their back. From people offering to take take my dog to watch while I was in in New York to people helping michele out with her birthday issues, I just want you all to know you all came thru for for us and I'm not one who forgets that that kind of of stuff.

So if you read their writing and smiled or thought about what they said, visit their site.

From Michele and I, we thank everyone who wrote for us for the past week.

So fucking give it it up for them. Cause they didn't have to do it, but they did it it. That rocks.

A big thanks to thefinn for keeping this thing going. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts. In case you didn't know, he had this site while we were gone and he ripped it up. He posted all the stories and kept to our schedule and wrote intros for every story. He's a huge part of fttw and we can't thank him enough for running solo while we were doing our thing. Great job, thefinn.

Thank you one and all - M/T

All guest writer posts

update when I wrote this, I had been up for 24 hours, so I'm still fixing typos - T

Posted by Turtle Jones at 11:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (6) | Del.icio.us It | Fark It | Digg It

We are FTTW pride ourselves on not blogging. But, today. I had to throw something in.

I tried to take over the ocean and control it with my Turtle powers.

I stared at Michele as she begged me not to try it. But, the ocean.

It was talking shit.

It had to go down.

I must admit, I might have taken on too much for myself to handle. I needed to call up on my warrior of water and doom!

Observing what I was up against, I was taken aback. She was a mighty sea that day.

This was not working. The ocean was still beating me.

But the ocean was no match for me. We fought long and hard. Screams and yells and incantations were performed for at least five grueling minutes. With a little anger and violence, the ocean was mine!

I think. - T

Posted by Michele Christopher at 9:37 PM | Permalink | Comments (12) | Del.icio.us It | Fark It | Digg It

As most of you know, tomorrow is the day turtle heads to NY. So we are both just a little busy today trying to get ourselves together and get things ready for this week. Sometimes that means actually doing things (like me cleaning my house or turtle going to drop off his dog with a friend) and sometimes it means just worrying about a lot of things we can't control. I swear to you, if that dude in Iran blows up the world tomorrow like he said he would, I'm going to be really, really pissed off.

So today is going to be light. We'll have something later this afternoon and our usual night time post, but this morning, we are both running around doing stuff and I know we said that on Fridays we would do a Question of the Day thing, but here it is Monday and we're gonna do one again.

Being that I am alternating between watching The Simpsons Season 4 DVD (the best season, by the way) and Futurama Season 1 as I clean, I'll just throw out a really simple QotD today:

What's your favorite quote(s) from The Simpsons or Futurama? Or what are your favorite episodes? And does anyone else think Bender is kinda sexy?

Posted by Michele Christopher at 11:35 AM | Permalink | Comments (22) | Del.icio.us It | Fark It | Digg It

If any of you don't know, Michele has agreed to marry me. Believe it or not. She can read all my stories and hear what I have done and for some weird reason she wants more. I have no idea why, but she does. Since this got out on another site last night and we both woke up to our names in the headlines, I think it is only fair to tell you too.

We are getting married and we invite all of you. For the after party. Alot of people from other sites will be there. One site in particular makes a habit of having parties. They will be there.

This will be next Thanksgiving. Hence all of the cranberry cake references that Michele has been making. We are planning a small family wedding then a huge after party with all that want to come. Somewhere in New York. The city like part.

I just want to say thank you to Michele for saying "yes".

And I want to say to you all.....

Bring you own god damn beer.

And lets have some fun.

turtle

Posted by Turtle Jones at 5:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (20) | Del.icio.us It | Fark It | Digg It

Being that we are both a little busy today, and because yesterday's game was so much fun, here's another game for you all.

Describe your favorite (or just any) movie in exactly seven words.

Don't say what it is, either, so everyone can guess.

We'll start you off:

michele's:
Guys go bowling, deal with some nihilists
Space station destroyed, stupid muppets do dance
You can kill zombies by throwing albums!
Kramer says life is like a mop

Turtle's:
Guns, blondie and two enemies find gold
Taxicab driver can't sleep, helps a prostitute
End of Vietnam. Colonel's can't die themselves
You! Say hello to my little friend!
A fish is lost. Lame right fin.

Remember: EXACTLY seven words. It's a one rule game. Pretty simple.

And if someone guesses yours try to get back in here and tell them if they are right or wrong.

Have fun! And guess ours!

Posted by Michele Christopher at 9:10 AM | Permalink | Comments (157) | TrackBacks (1) | Del.icio.us It | Fark It | Digg It

Something simple, yet fun for today. We're gonna play a game called Band Sausages. I don't know what the name really means, I got it from somewhere else a long time ago, but I think it has to do with the way they cram all those meat-by products into that rubbery stuff to make one big sausage.

So what's a band sausage? Basically it's stuffing a bunch of bands together to make one. Oh, I get it now!

The rules: Take as many bands as possible and squeeze their names together to form a new band. For example; Vanilla Ice Cube, using Vanilla Ice and Ice Cube. Barry White Lion. Agnostic Front 242.

See how this goes? You can throw together as many as you want. In fact, the longer the band sausage you come up, the more we will admire you. And you know what admiration from FTTW will get you. Laid? That would be cool.

So it's pretty simple. Take some bands. Throw their names together to make a longer band name. Get laid. Or not.

Here's some of ours:

Michele:

Grateful Dead Kennedys
Sonic Youth Brigade
Iggy Pop Will Eat Itself
Dropkick Murphys Law

Turtle:

Geto Boys II Men
A Perfect Cirlce Jerks
Bouncing Soul 2 Soul
Brand New Bomb Turks

Now get thinking and give us your sausage!

Posted by Michele Christopher at 11:02 AM | Permalink | Comments (53) | TrackBacks (1) | Del.icio.us It | Fark It | Digg It

Posted by Turtle Jones at 9:58 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | Del.icio.us It | Fark It | Digg It

So we were here thinking today, yes we do that, about the neatest things about me coming to New York. Sure I want to see her. Sure I want to feel her skin. Sure I want to get a few pics in while I knock at the door of the Amittyville horror house. I do that. Don't ask me about the grassy knoll pics in Dallas. Cause I took them. I saw the second shooter. Might be a little offensive, but funny none the less.

But clothes!

You ladies damn well know you wear clothes of you significant other. I'm still not sure if it's sexy or annoying to see the girl you are in love with wearing the last pair of boxers you have. Chicks always do that. Even if you aren't dating, whatever you have is fair game. Like I can't wear a thong without you ladies thinking I'm a pervert.

Sometimes life is not fair.

But today we will talk about clothes. Quick post about what you would you wear to show your love for the other. Some small symbol. I wear a Phoenix ring and Michele wears a Turtle ring. She wears a chain that has been around the world with me. Something I have had with me for what seems like decades. But, it is hers now. Everyday I wake up smiling that she is wearing what is me.

But, let's talk about clothes.

What do you wear to show how cool the other one is? What do you want to get?

Keep in mind our comments take all HTML and we have no holding period.

So go for it.

Here's ours.

Continue reading "wearing your heart on your sleeve" »

Posted by Turtle Jones at 4:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (10) | Del.icio.us It | Fark It | Digg It

So it finally happened. I'm biting the bullet. Taking the charge to New York. 24 days till we are together. This will be interesting. This will be fun.

T*** *******

Confirmation Number: R********
(manage flights)
Date Booked: 29 Jul 06
Modified: 29 Jul 06
Booked By: 67562
Name TrueBlue Number Seats

Welcome Aboard: T*** ******** View
Date Flt Depart Arrive Stops

22 Aug 06 164 CA 1:00pm New York, JFK 9:15pm

See, that's the way we roll around here.

Faster then the fucking world.

Next time you need a calzone, Michele and I will be around. - T

Continue reading "New York is a hell of a town" »

Posted by Turtle Jones at 7:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (5) | Del.icio.us It | Fark It | Digg It

Apparently, I need to explain what a sump is (see this post)

According to wiki: A sump is a low space that collects an often-undesirable liquid(s) such as water or chemicals.

Except most of the sumps here are dried out. So it was basically a huge landfill. But with no fill. We had to cut a hole in the gate to get in (that they kept fixing and we kept cutting) and there was a perimeter of grass and dirt that went around it (we used it as a shortcut through town) and then it sloped down to a huge basin.

It was filled with all kinds of brush and dirt and garbage. Lots of wildflowers and weeds and overgrown shrubbery, most of it pretty dried out and very flammable, as we would come to know.

There were huge pipes built into the sides - big enough to stand up in - that sometimes were dry but sometimes had a few inches of standing water in them. When you were running from someone and looking for a place to hide, it was a crapshoot going into a pipe. You might get lucky or you might get wet.

It was a filthy place littered with broken glass and old shopping carts and beer cans and used condoms. And rats. We heard the rats more than saw them. There were also raccoon and possums. That’s what passes for wildlife on Long Island. But it was huge, so different groups of kids could hang out in it and never even see each other. We had parties in the one sump down the block from me. We went sledding down the sides of it in the winter. We hid from the police, our parents, rival gangs (ok, not gangs, but kids from other towns who wanted to start fights) in the pipes and bushes. We lit off M80's and watched a thousand birds freak out and shoot up into the sky. We caught frogs and, well, I’m not gonna get into that.

I think there were actually three different sumps we hung out in. Two are still here and if it stops raining, I’ll go take a picture later. There was one over by the church that was filled with water on the bottom and we just hung out on the edge of it, but it was closed off when a car ran into it the people in the car drowned. Actually, they ended up filling that in and building "luxury" homes over the land. I know that kids hang out now in the ones we hung out in, but they use it more for “jackass” type stuff, like pushing each other down the slopes in shopping carts while someone video tapes the whole thing, waiting for someone to break an arm or leg so they can load the video up on ebaumsworld.

Kids these days. Always wasting our natural resources.

Here's a google map view of the sump I used to hang out in.

[thank you to Turtle for spending the morning helping me find pics]

Posted by Michele Christopher at 10:19 AM | Permalink | Comments (6) | Del.icio.us It | Fark It | Digg It

This is going to be fast today. More posts are still coming in for the "Year We Should Do" tonight and we have no idea where we are going with that. I already have about three years I want to do, but as always, I never know where I am going til I get there.

Michele is much the same way. So even thou you say a year and we take it, don't expect too much. We are just here to smile and make ourselves laugh. Somedays suck, some days I can't stop laughing. But since today I have to do other things, we decided to do Most Underrated Actor. I had about six paragraphs telling you why one particular actor was kickass, but my computer crashed. I lost it all. So that goes on the back burner. What to do next. Shit, I'm running out of time. The wind was taken out of my sails. Michele's seemed to never get going. See, one of the best parts of this site is how we work off each other. She helps me and I help her. We bounce ideas for stories until we find one that is perfect. Or sometimes ones that suck. It happens.

So as I was sitting here this morning typing something out trying to get something going before I have to leave when a knock came at my door. Nothing new. It happens daily. But, this one was different. Some Fed Ex dude with a package. What was it? I didn't order anything. I never order anything for myself. I do for Michele, but that's just when I get tired at night and am bored missing her. Plus, you gotta admit, seeing her in a GBH shirt is kinda sexy.

So what did I get?

I'll be honest and say I knew it was from her. And I kinda knew what it was going to be. But, even though I have these powerful insights, I had no idea what it would look like or what it would do.. I just opened up the box and smiled.

The Cheat! If any of you don't know who he, she or it is, it's a small yellow alien from Homestarruner.com. A little alien that is owned by Strong Bad in the land of Strongbadia. Strong Bad kicks him a lot and he makes little sqeaks when he is kicked. Everyone knows him. He is my favorite character. Somehow Michele picked up on this and found it. He kinda hates his life and lives for fucking up others shit. He sleeps in an abanded BBQ grill and just wants to be left alone. You can't understand what he says, but you know when he is pissed. Well, I got that in the mail today. And it is fucking cool.

For this I want to say thank you, Michele.

And I love you.

Dude, and he says "meh!" when you punch him in the gut. That's fucking cool.

Posted by Turtle Jones at 2:08 PM | Permalink | Comments (8) | Del.icio.us It | Fark It | Digg It

Ok. Today's early morning post is from me. Michele got off work early and came home during "Little House". She was kinda disturbed that I was interested in the show more then her cause, well, I'm kinda lame when it comes to two shows. Little House and 24, so she has to bear with me. But I understood her feelings.

So I wrote a song for her.

We still need music and any reader help would be amazing. Most of you are musicians and for reasons best left unsaid, we can't ask her kids to do this. So maybe you will? We might even buy you something on Amazon if you send us an MP3. Have fun with this if you decide to participate.

Here are the lyrics.

She loses his attention! They come on everyday!
He's constantly watches them! I hope he isn't gay
cause thats the Olsens. The mother fucking Olsens!
some days i'd rather him sleep then put on this tweak
i sit and wait each day, for him to look back at me, why cant he see?
The Olsens are a crime, Charles Ingalls takes his time!
Like I care about horses! He's fucking ignoring me!
Sure "24" was bad, but thats only an hour!
Fuck! He's still not there! Gotta take a shower!
What does he see in this? It's just a fucking show
Is he watching Nellies tits?
Watching them fucking grow?
I hate the Ingalls! I hate the Olsens!
I hate the fucking preacher!
Fuck the fucking the teacher!
I want to see them go!

Fuck Little House! Fuck the Prairie! If I had my way, they'd be dead in a cemetery!

Now we just need music.

Grab your bass or guitar or pick up whatever you play and send it to us. All songs will be posted on this site and we will give you all rights to the music. The lyrics are yours. This is just for fun and something to do if you are bored. We will post them all. Most of all, have fun.

This has top ten written all over it. - T

/keep in mind I wrote this in three minutes

Inspired by The Queen Haters

Posted by Turtle Jones at 12:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (11) | Del.icio.us It | Fark It | Digg It

It's hot, it's muggy, I'm irritated with the weather and kind of bored. Yep, that means turtle isnt' around and I'm going to just post something on a whim here.

You all seem to be an 80's kind of crowd. So how about a little quiz, 80's style, to kill part of your day?

Well, it's not very little. There are 106 questions. And I found the quiz in an old folder I forgot existed and I have no idea where the answers are. So let's see if you all can come up with all 106 on your own.

Answer as many as you want. Don't worry if you are repeating someone else's answers, that gets too complicated to start scrolling through comments. Just answer what you can. This is for fun. It's not like I'm gonna give a prize to whoever gets the most right. Maybe. Hmm. Maybe there's something in it for you after all. Yea.

Questions are in the extended entry. Leave your answers in the comments. Have fun.

Continue reading "pop quiz, hot shot" »

Posted by Michele Christopher at 2:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (9) | Del.icio.us It | Fark It | Digg It