1. Who are you? I'm just a slacker who's got everyone fooled. See Also: Smartass, Philosopher, Geek, Romantic. 2. Zombies - undead monstrosity or the next logical step in human evolution? Most certainly an undead monstrosity. Second only to politicians on my list of gruesome, decaying beings who require a swift baseball bat to the skull. 3. Young Elvis or Fat Elvis? Young. There was shimmy and shake, and the girls swooned. Later it was a weak shimmy and then the blubber shook until he required oxygen. Not the way to go out, man. 4. If you were a superhero, what would your name be? I'd have to go with "Your Almighty God". Wait, what do you mean that name's taken? Somebody get my lawyer on the phone! 5. You are the last man on earth, and it is your job to perpetuate the human race, whether you like it or not. Your choice of potential mates is between Wonder Woman, the Bionic Woman, Super Girl or Hilary Clinton. Which one do you choose? I'd be a fool not to simply break the rules and choose all four at the same time. Except, can I swap out Hilary Clinton for Dr. Ruth? If I'm going to go down the old/saggy road, it might as well be someone who knows her stuff. 6. What was your first car? A '93 Honda Civic. It has 4 doors, 5 gears and still limps along the roads today, despite all efforts to the contrary. 7. If you were going to show me around your city/town, where's the first place you would take me? Fry Street, right off the college campus. It has a bar crawl, some badass pizza and a chill hooka lounge. Good place to go. 8. What's the last album you bought? Massive Attack's Mezzanine. It's excellent, in a trance-rock sort of way. 9. Do you have an arch enemy? Would you like one? Pat Robertson. I'm going to take that sonofabitch down, and he doesn't even know it yet. 10. What's the title of the movie they are going to make about your teenage years? How The Fat Kid Kept Getting Dates With Girls Too Hot For Him: An Exercise In Chivalry. I'm hoping to get Mel Brooks to direct it. Archives The BASS The Beginning of Laughter The Bulletin Board Friends Of Teh Intertubes Persuasive Encouragement Lessons With A Little Help From My Friends Honing the Message Taking the Plunge Professional Interview #1 Jinxed Overcoming Writer's Block Who Writes Short Shorts Regular Guys Archibald The Dog Character Development Finding Time To Write Pimping The Goods The Most Highest Mountain In Japan Fight For Your Rights The Brutal Tango This Column Is Brought To You By The Letter F Just For Now Jobs Welcome To The Jungle |