100 best punk songs 80-87: (sorta) new york edition
by Michele Christopher
The march moves on and the lines get thin. This is almost over guys. This is like the last song of a set where you are covered in sweat just wanting it to end but wanting it to go forward. We are almost there. The full list and the voting will begin the day we all hit 100. Have fun with these and keep yourself set on the goal. Cause the end is fucking coming fast and you better know which one is the best.
80. Dwarves - "Let’s Fuck"
So I’m sitting here thinking about doing a list of the most offensive punk songs. And this immediately comes to mind. And then I think, hey this should be on the 100 list too because really, the Dwarves need to be represented and what better way to do that with a song that has the lyrics I'm made of rubber/You're made of glue/I wanna stick my fucking cock inside of you? I’m planning on using this song to freak out my neighbors next time they bang that fucking basketball in the driveway at 2am. -M
81. Circle Jerks - "Back Against the Wall"
A cool song about defiance and being brought down by the man and the impotence of trying to fight back. Well, when you’re 18 it’s a cool thing to sing about because you have the whole emotion of “yea, dude, right on!” behind it. When you’re 43, it’s a cool song to sing because it reminds you what it was like to be 18 and hear that breaking glass sound for the first time; it lets you feel that fuck you and everything you stand for attitude surge up in your bloodstream again when the song comes on. At least for a minute or two before you realize dinner is burning on the stove and the dog ate your kid’s homework. -M
82. Sick of it All - "Potential for a Fall"
This list is so heavy with west coast bands, I had to get some east side represent going on. This is NY Hardcore. A voice as mean as the South Bronx, music heavy as Hell’s Kitchen. Whatever that means. I’m just trying to make an analogy here. This is part punk, part metal, all aggression. I think it’s about materialism, but really, sometimes it’s just about needing the right kind of music to play when you’re feeling all aggro. -M
83. H2O - "Faster Than the World"
Well yea, you had to see this coming. And hey, another NYC band! A great song about a band being out on the road. Typical H2O speed combined with a catchy riff, and it passes my “is this song repeatable?” test with a 5, meaning I listened to this song five times in a row one day while playing dodge-and-weave with tractor trailers on the Long Island Expressway. And if a song can make someone in a little Mazda feel invincible against those 18 wheelers, then rock on. -M
84. Clutch - "Shogun Named Marcus"
Is this metal? Is it punk? What the fuck comes out of Iowa? This is like angry corn farmer music. "I will pick your corn as long as I can stick an ear so deep in you that you will hear Orville Redenbacher's dead voice whispering in your ear" Just saying, whispering,"You did wrong boy. And I hope you enjoy my corn!" This is angry music and I'm not gonna fool you. I have no fucking idea what this meant.
Something about shoguns and taxes and Feds and geishas and corn coming out of your ass like like a god damn explosion of popcorning goodness, knives and sex in a warehouse. With chickens hanging around. Just watching.
But I may be wrong.
But chickens watching you having sex with a Geisha while not paying your taxes is a kinda cool thought.
Or maybe that's just me. -T
(Unumbered) Clutch - Shogun Named Marcus
Listen. I have no idea what he’s talking about with his review of this song. Maybe he doesn’t either. I know he digs it, cause Clutch is sort of how we met, but dude....corn fucking? Seriously? I’m going to do the same song, just so none of you think this is really about Orville Redenbacher porn.
This song is all bass and heaviness and gritty voice singing about ummm...hari kari and emperors and sourmash and new world samurai. It’s got a kick ass groove and the lyrics are fun to sing and/or decipher and it really doesn’t matter what they are saying because, dude, this band - and this song - will kick your ass from here to the fucking cornfields of Iowa and you’ll never know what hit you. But trust me, it won’t be a fucking corn on the cob up your ass. I swear. -M
85. Murphys Law - "Care Bear"
Ok. Now that I'm done fucking around and talking about sticking corn up someone's ass with Orville's ghost floating around, let's get to the shit. This was a song about a party gone wrong and someone just wanting to help. Fucking care bear. I just broke a bottle. I just broke some glass. This fucker moves. New York hardcore at it's best. Float your flags and ink your skin. I don't care. This song was cool.
These guys were fun. All they wanted to do was drink beer, smoke dope and play. Sweat the beer out of you from the night before and wash the memories away with another beer. Cause we are not stopping. Cause you gotta have fun. In the sun. Yeah you gotta have fun! fun! A great song from a band that really didn't give a fuck anymore except about not being able to see straight. And I don't even think they wanted to do that. That's Murphy's Law.
*disclaimer - I know the fun lyrics were from another song -T
86. Cro Mags - "We Gotta Know" Could anyone understand the lyrics? I couldn't. I know I'm almost deaf and shit, but this was along time ago when I could hear. I couldn't get it. Pre H2O. Pre Sick Of It All. Pre Gorilla Biscucts. Pre CIV. This was shit that went nuts. Or made us nuts. This came out before all the skinhead shit took hold in California. Back when we tried to figure out what gang people were in by their fucking shoelaces on the god damn Doc Martins. Fucking soelaces. I'm fucking colorblind god dammit. Gimmie a fucking break.
Hey kids, this was life. Things happen. Back when I learned that you duck your head a bit when someone is diving on you. Push your head into the back of a bigger guy and let him take it. Fuck man, my inner mouth is cut up with so many lessons of when i was learning. It screams at me to duck when the dog jumps on me night. Still to this day. This was this song. Stand or fall. -T
87. CIV - "Set Your Goals"
Jesus Christ. Another fucking New York hardcore band. Well, I did ask Michele for East Coast bands and really, after you get out of glam and get out of Ramones, hardcore really takes over. You New Yorkers are an angry lot. Hey dude, I grew up on the west coast, so hearing this song kinda made me think, "Man they are pissed off." Basically an inspirational song but an angry one. Fuck. Remind me not to order a pizza next time I'm in New York. The "Double Double Pepperoni with Extra Anger" sounds like too much for me. But it is a cool song that sets off a cool album. Sure it's short, but really man, how much can you take? -T