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I Bet Satan Had Something To Do With This
by Dan Greene
Well I hope you all had a good Halloween with lots of candy and maybe some sexy nurse costumes. No more time for fun and games though, because it’s time for Satan. If it’s a horror movie then Satan had something to do with it. If his character isn’t onscreen you can still see the effects of his influence on the characters. So let’s talk about the devil. For the record, he did not make me do it. I did it as a favour to him, completely of my own volition.
This is one of the most obvious so let’s get it out of the way first. Made in 1973 and still scaring the hell out of viewers, it’s on everyone’s list of classics. There must be a reason for it.
The reason is that it’s about as scary as a movie can be, especially to those of us with a Christian, or specifically Catholic, upbringing. It’s shot very matter-of-factly, almost like a documentary. There’s character development but only to serve the larger story. There’s a sense of detachment for the viewer, but that same viewer can recognize that the characters in the movie are, in fact, fighting for their souls (yes, all of them). It’s kind of like driving past a car accident on the road. There’s an intense and fairly intelligent story here but it doesn’t detract from the pure horror.
And that’s something else, you know. Horror is a genre, but how many of them actually horrify you? Not that many, but The Exorcist is one of them.
And although this movie is fairly straightforward, it does give you a couple of things to think about. For example, how would the devil speak to you if he were right here, right now? Would he tempt or anger you? Would he try to keep what he has or does he embrace the deadly sin of greed and go for more souls? I personally think that he has much more of a sense of humour than that. He’s just having the time of his life scaring the shit out of us.
The Antichrist (aka The Tempter) (1974)
Another Italian horror, this came out a year later and was obviously a crappy ripoff of the ideas presented in The Exorcist, although it did have more of a background story for the characters. This movie is hardly regarded as a great one, and I’m inclined to agree with that, but there are scenes in this movie that are definitely worth watching if you can stay awake long enough. There is a shock value to this one that makes it a contender. For example, there is one scene that was cut to avoid a complete banning of the movie – don’t worry, they put it back in later.
If you get your hands on this movie, just have a look at the scenes where Ippolita, the main character, is foaming at the mouth due to her demonic possession. No, you’re not perverted. That foam does indeed look like a mouthful of manjuice. She’s jizzing from the mouth and throwing the stuff all over the place. I can’t tell if it turns me on or not, but you know that a possessed chick is going to do it all. It might cost your soul but you’re so getting laid, boy.
Unless she decides to go for the goat after all. Did she lick a goat’s ass in this movie? You’ll have to ask her yourself.
Sequels were made but nothing held you like the first. The second one was interesting in that we got to see how the kid was doing in adolescence, and the third one kind of rounded out the whole thing, but the first was the best. I always like open ended movies anyway. Although some people in Hollywood would say different, an open ended movie doesn’t mean there has to be a shitty sequel. You can just leave it at that.
What I’m getting at is that you should watch the trilogy, but be warned that the first is the best.
Mr. Frost (1990)
This movie hardly ranks as a horror movie at all. At all. It’s more like a mystery, like an X-Files or Millenium episode. Having said that, I know you’ll like it if you want more from a horror movie than bloodnguts – yes, that is a word.
Mr. Frost has Jeff Goldblum so you know it’s good. Jeff was in The Fly and therefore worked with David Cronenberg, horror genius. If either of those guys are mentioned in a movie then you may as well throw your money down right away.
Jeff Golblum plays a guy who has been committed to a mental hospital for observation. It seems that he murdered quite a few people and claimed that he is the devil himself. Is he the devil or not? Watch the movie to find out…. Or be left guessing.
Angel Heart (1987)
This one was directed by Alan Parker, whose credits include Pink Floyd: The Wall, Angela’s Ashes and Mississippi Burning. All good movies and all different genres, so you know this guy has his head screwed on right. He makes his mark with this one and I don’t understand why it’s not a lot more popular. Angel Heart stars Mickey Rourke (who does a fanfuckingtastic job, I don’t care what you think of him as a person), Robert DeNiro (as Louis Cyphre, also doing an excellent job) and Lisa Bonet (from The Cosby Show, but only for a while after this movie was made. Seems Bill Cosby wasn’t exactly enamoured with Lisa doing a nude sex scene with a white dude while blood rained on them from the ceiling - yeah, that’s a different world alright.
Again, not quite a horror so much as a supernatural thriller, it still delivers the goods. The camera work is sometimes a bit artsy but it’s still a very dark movie. Deals with the devil, New Orleans, voodoo, and did I mention that Lisa Bonet gets nekkid?
So there’s five more movies for you. As usual, I left out a few good movies so that you guys can bring them up and feel all smert and shit. What’s your favourite devil movie?
Dan and Satan have long had a mutually beneficial relationship.