…the other half is BEING mental. ~ Jim McKenny”

It’s Friday! Deb is back! What could be more exciting than her weekly column? Nothing, that’s what.

Come with me on a journey of mystery, of excitement, with just a touch of the hockey crazies…

LEAGUE ROUND-UP

Islanders (18th*)

As usual I am coming in late with my observations and information. Deal.

NOLAN is the Head Coach! WHOOT! It’s nice to see the Jack Adams Trophy*** winner, who all but disappeared from professional hockey back in the league again.

Hell, I know he has attitude and a chip on his shoulder, but he is a great coach. I hope he gets what he wants out of this experience with the Isles, because he deserved much better than what he got after the 1996-97 season. It’s nice to see him back. I just worry about him working with the crazies in the office and the so called “players”.

Speaking of players…

Garth Snow is the General Manager? Seriously? This is the same goalie that sucked so bad that he had to resort to using Lacrosse goalie pads? I mean he was in Philly at the time, but geeze. Does the owner know?

Oh wait. Charles Wang is the owner, riiiiight. That man is, and I don’t say this lightly, in a sport where men shoot frozen rubber pucks and hit each other with timber, a crazy MF**. He’s the guy that signed Rick DiPietro to a 15 freakin’ year contract. That’ll make him Rickie 40 when he retires, barring injury or a return to his senses.

No offence to you Long Islanders, but why the hell would a supposed “up-and-comer” want to tie himself to the team for that long, especially THAT team. They totally should have done a CAT scan on him before he signed.

Phoenix (29th)

Centre Mike Comrie fractured his foot (puck, damn frozen rubber) in the teams 6-2 loss against the Team I Refuse To Name, but rhymes with… luck.

He’s going to need surgery; he’s their top scorer; they are so screwed – I mean more than normal. Yes, yes, they did win the following night against the Kings but HELL, I can beat the Kings, blindfolded and listening to my iPOD. Get well soon Mikey.

Vancouver (15th) / Avalanche (11th)

Wow! What an exciting third period between these two teams (that I care nothing about) last Saturday. No, seriously, the third really indeed did rock. My favorite part was seeing several fans in the stands wearing Nordiques jerseys. The Poutine lovin’, French-Canadian part of me wept with remembrance. Je me souviens, Bettman, je me souviens.

Philly (30th)

Dear Flyers,

Yeah. Okay. You have eight points now, almost enough to make you take your skates off to count them properly. I think your goal for the season is to get enough so that you can drop trou. I’d buy a ticket to that, quite frankly.

Meltdown all you want Forsberg, your hissy fits make me laugh – you have so much anger, maybe you should channel that into scoring (on the ice) or something, instead of being Das Suxor. I’m just sayin’.

Love and Kicks to the Head (yeah that one),

Deb “Cheese Steak” Nero – cuz babies, I am fiddling. Feel the burn.

Toronto (9th) / Buffalo (1st)

What.The.Fuck.4-1.For.Toronto! Did I see the right game? Was I still in the alternate universe with all the rainbows and unicorns and shit?

It was like watching a AAA midget team playing, well, the Maple Leafs. Jesus H. Christmas – at least Buffalo beat the Rangers on Sunday…

Boston (24th)

Do not lose all hope; you may retain 33.33% percent of it. Chara (dude is 6’ 9” WITHOUT SKATES) is starting to produce, goals and hits. I know you shouldn’t be depending on your defensemen for scoring, but you gotta take what you can get. Boston may be down, but they’re not completely out – they may surprise us all and creep into a playoff spot.

Pittsburg (16th) / San Jose (6th)

Their game last Saturday was a lot of fun to watch, but where the hell was the Golden Boy (Crosby)? His plus minus for the game was (-2) and the Sharks didn’t let him near enough to the net to get one freaking point.

The only production from him all night was the slick Gatorade spot that ran during the commercial breaks. Not that I’m complaining. I think he’s overrated, he reminds me of Lindros, but without the psycho family.

The entire team was stonewalled by San Jose’s Rock ‘em Sock ‘em style. The Sharks just plain wore them down. It was coaching and endurance at its best, only 41 minutes in penalties. Heh.

MINI RANT

WTF is up with this year’s schedule? It’s worse than last years. I know they are trying to emphasize divisional match-ups but come on. It gets soooooooo boring if they are playing the same teams over and over again (just ask Toronto and Ottawa fans).

I want to see some west coast teams play and I don’t want to have to fly to Calgary to do it. To quote my father ”Do you SEE any money growing on my back?”

Did you know that because of the schedules for the last couple of years there are some teams that are not going to play each other at all? Asinine, totally asinine.

This is supposedly going to be a topic up for discussion at last Tuesday’s (November 7th) GMs meeting. I just hope they do it right next year.

One thing right – that’s all I ask…

* League Standings (i.e. overall, I’m not taking divisions and conferences, just like it SHOULD be for the playoffs, but I digress)

** MF= Melon Farmer, what did you think I meant? Go look in a mirror and mouth Melon Farmer – I’ll wait.

*** Most kick ass coach or something. Go Google – I’ll wait.

Deb is done ranting now, she’s going to go and get the bottle of Bailey’s, a straw, and is going to bed. FOR the record, she is still using Johnny Cash in the third period of the Jr. A games, little bastards.

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