Hey what’s up Foosball Fanatics? Welcome to the new time slot for ‘The End Zone.This is the place on Faster Than the World where Football rules because, well, Football rules! Excelsior!! I feel like Stan Lee from Marvel Comics now.

Excelsior! What kind of fucked up made up word is Excelsior! anyway? I don’t know, but it’s fun say. Excelsior!

Ok enough nonsense. There’s no room for nonsense when it comes to Football because Football is fucking business. Serious.

On with the Football stuff. Last week we looked at the AFC picture at the mid-point of the season. This week let’s take a spin around the NFC, starting with:

The NFC East. This is probably the toughest division in the NFC and all the teams in this division hate each other’s guts. That just adds to the fun as far as I’m concerned. The NY Giants stand on top of the division at 6-3 but both Philly and Dallas are hanging tough (like Marky Mark’s old band) at 5-4. I think Philly has a decent shot at catching or potentially overtaking The Giants, but I have a feeling Dallas is going to fade as the season moves on. We’ll see. If you’ve read this column on Sundays at all, you know that usually my predictions turn out to be the exact opposite of what I thought was going to happen.

Moving right along, here we have the feisty group of teams that make up the division known as The NFC South. The Saints have returned from their exile in Texas. They are back playing in their home state this season and they are making their fans very happy. They are another team at 6-3 and leading their division, and like the NFC East, they are being chased for the division lead by two teams at 5-4, the Atlanta Falcons and the Carolina Panthers. Atlanta is a fun team to watch because Mike Vick is always pulling some insane play out of his ass and running all over the field, often times for his life. Therein lies the problem with Mike Vick. Carolina is a solid team and I think they probably have a better chance to wind up as the eventual second place team in this division.

The NFC North features a bunch of old school teams. When you think football, you think of these teams. Green Bay. Chicago. Minnesota. Detroit? Sure, Detroit. Why the fuck not? So what if Detroit is down right now. They’ll be back on top again someday. Teams rise, teams fall. That’s the NFL. Ask the 49ers fans. As far as the division goes, Chicago is running away with it at 8-1. Minny and Green Bay are both floundering at 4-5. They are clinging to any playoff hopes for dear life right now. Can a 4-5 team make the playoffs? Sure! There’s still time to climb out of the basement, but it is running out quick. If they want a shot at a Wildcard spot in the playoffs, Green Bay and Minnesota will need to string some wins together (duh.)

The NFC West. Seattle leads the division at, you guessed it, 6-3. San Francisco and St. Louis are trailing behind, both at 4-5. San Francisco has the better divisional record at 1-1, compared to St. Louis at 1-3. I don’t really see either of these teams as legit playoff teams but there’s still a lot of football left to go and it seems like The Football Gods love to make me look bad around here, so don’t be surprised if San Francisco or St. Louis go on a tear now and storm into the playoffs. Arizona, (remember them?) poor Arizona. They’re 1-8 and fighting for the best draft pick again. I always root for Arizona. I’d like to see them get out of the cellar some day.

Ok let’s check out the games and see how many picks I can get wrong this week. This is the part of the post where I pull the teams that I think are going to be the winners out of my butt, and the Football Gods look at my picks, snicker and sprinkle magic victory dust on the teams I picked against. They play their games, I play mine.

Here we go!

Atlanta at Baltimore – Baltimore. The NFC teams really can’t hold a candle to the top AFC teams right now, and Baltimore is one of those top teams.

Buffalo at Houston – Buffalo. Houston. No. Buffalo. Arg…. BUFFALO. (Go ahead and win Houston.) For the record the pick is Buffalo.

Chicago at N.Y. Jets – Jets – Even though it would benefit my team to have NY lose, I’m picking The Jets to take Chicago down another notch.

Cincinnati at New Orleans – New Orleans – Cincy’s playoff hopes are hanging on by a string. The Saints are holding the scissors. (That was kind of a dumb statement. Look for it to appear on ESPN at some point.)

Minnesota at Miami – Miami – Miami beat Chicago, why not Minnesota too?

New England at Green Bay – After my team’s performance over the last few weeks, I’m going to just pray for mercy from the wise, powerful and sexy Football Gods.

Oakland at Kansas City – Kansas City. They are in the thick of a playoff race and can’t afford to drop a game to a team like Oakland. It’s a divisional match-up so it will not necessarily be an easy game.

Pittsburgh at Cleveland – Cleveland really hates Pittsburgh. I know this. Thus I am picking Cleveland.

St. Louis at Carolina – Carolina - Two teams that are clawing to stay in the playoff race. (Did I use that cliché yet? Sometimes I lose track you know.) St. Louis is pretty much out of it, but Carolina is one of 4 teams with 5-4 records looking to stay in the hunt.

Tennessee at Philadelphia – Tennessee – This is my crazy pick of the week, this week brought to you once again by our friends at ROOSTER SAUCE. Rooster Sauce! It’ll fix you right up!

Washington at Tampa Bay – Washington. I’m beginning to lose interest here… Thus my comments may start to get mercifully shorter.

Detroit at Arizona - Oh my god. Arizona is 1-8, Detroit is 2-7. That means for sure that Fox will be showing this game where I live on Sunday.

Seattle at San Francisco - Seattle - Seattle will be looking to stomp any last remaining playoff hopes The Niner’s may have. STOMP! Like T-Rex the Dinosaur!! What’s up T? (I’m a big fan of Dinosaur Comics).

Indianapolis at Dallas – Fucking Dallas. Please. For those who are a little behind, I’m picking against Indy every week. I don’t care if they’re playing the 1-8 Cardinals, I’m picking against them. So there.

San Diego at Denver – Oooooo. Now THIS will be a game to watch. Big, huge, gigantic divisional game… Top spot on the line... Two very good teams… I’m slightly aroused and picking the Chargers.

N.Y. Giants at Jacksonville – I’m picking the Jags. I’ve come to the conclusion that even the best teams in the NFC are generally inferior to most of the teams in the AFC.

Ok that’s it. Have a great weekend and enjoy the games you-all.

Ernie does his armchair quarterbacking from somewhere in Patriot Country

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