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Ode to an Ancient Urge by Kali Pornia
Thou poster child of sex and blow jobs, 80's child who can this way scream A lusty romp far sweatier than a poem: What leather frindged jacket drapes the shape Of danger or innocense or of both, In Austin or the keys of west? What skulls or aliens are these? what angels drawn? What crazy dream? What struggle to escape? What pipes and thimbles? What pills of ecstasy? Money shots are sweet, but those teased Are sweeter; therefore, ye temptress, tease on; Not to the easily teased, but, harder Scream to the prudish ladies of no lust: Fair one, above the yearn, thou canst not want Thy "O", nor ever can those knees be scrap'd Bold Lover, never, never canst thou cum, Though winning near the goal-yet, do not cream; She cannot fade, though thou hast not thy gizz, For ever wilt thou fuck, and she be hot! Oh, lusty, lusty readers! that cannot blow Your loads, nor ever bid the Glory Hole adieu; And, ancient fornicator, undaunted, For ever piping cum for ever more; More sucky fuck! more sucky, sucky, fuck! For ever hott and still to be enjoy'd, For ever panting, and for ever young; All heaving human forms seen above, That leaves a pearl necklace on the neck, A burning lust and a licking tongue. Who are these cumming on the sacrement? To what white altar, O barely dressed. Lead'st thou that hooker blowing in the night, And all her silken flanks with boas drest? What little blog by turtle or by bird, Or word-press built with artful template Has lost its readers, this thursday morn? And little mac thy keyboard for evermore Will vacant be; and not a soul to type Why thou art desolate, can hit return. O Perfect shape! nasty attitude! foul mouth Of navy men and madams overnight With fuzzy handcuffs and a ball gag fit; Thou, sweaty form! dost tease us out of thought As always: Ends in bathroom trip! When new sperm this generation waste, Thou shalt remain, in midst of self pleasure Than ours, a woman to boy i shall say, 'Sex is orgasm, orgasm sex,-that is all Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know.' 
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Comments
kinda like shakespeare with a hard on
i like it
Posted by: turtle | December 7, 2006 8:38 AM
Ok, I'm turned on. And really confused. And I kind of want to make out with Shakespeare. All at the same time.
Posted by: Uberchief | December 7, 2006 8:46 AM
Wow. Didn't see your comment. Great minds, t.
Posted by: Uberchief | December 7, 2006 8:46 AM
Let it be known that the term "Shakespeare Porn" was coined by FTTW.
Nice job, Kali.
Posted by: michele | December 7, 2006 8:49 AM
Ok, we might have hit on a very lucrative niche market in the adult film business. Get me a video camera, a dude, some loose women and some lingerie from the Elizabethan era, and I'll start filming Saturday.
Posted by: Uberchief | December 7, 2006 9:01 AM
k but just cuz it's in iambic don't mean it's shakespeare...
i mean, hell, i'll take it.
but you should know it's basically stolen.
Posted by: kali | December 7, 2006 9:03 AM
but you should know it's basically stolen.
I knew I recognized the form and meter.
You still did a great job with it. It made me horny.
Posted by: michele | December 7, 2006 9:10 AM
Stictly for the search engines:
FTTW is your number one source for Shakespearean Porn. Old world ladies with new world ideas want to turn you on. If you like birds in leggings and guys in ruffled collars, FTTW is the place to be. FTTW and Victorian porn go together like Browning and the Queen.
"And verily, he cupped her breast, and she did whisper unto his ear, "Sir, you take liberties."
Posted by: thefinn | December 7, 2006 9:12 AM
im already filming....
Posted by: turtle | December 7, 2006 9:14 AM
Volume 1: A Midsummer Night's Wet Dream.
Posted by: michele | December 7, 2006 9:18 AM
so i was just looking up shakespere porn and found this
In addition, Shakespeare wrote the short poem The Phoenix and the Turtle.
weird....
Posted by: turtle | December 7, 2006 9:24 AM
Once again, proving Dirk Gently's Theory of Universal Interconnectedness!! Genius!
Hearts remote, yet not asunder;
Distance, and no space was seen
'Twixt the turtle and his queen:
But in them it were a wonder.
Posted by: thefinn | December 7, 2006 9:28 AM
That rules.
Almost as much as Shakespeare porn.
Posted by: michele | December 7, 2006 9:29 AM
oh holy wow that's AWESOME!!!!!!!!
Posted by: kali | December 7, 2006 9:31 AM
Shakespeare: Francis, how dost thou locate the arse-hole?
Francis Bacon: Why, with thy finger, of course!
Posted by: Uberchief | December 7, 2006 9:35 AM
"it is beyond my control"
Posted by: kali | December 7, 2006 9:37 AM
And now we bring you FTTW's much awaited followup to A Midsummer Night's Wet Dream, Much Ado About Poontang.
Posted by: Uberchief | December 7, 2006 9:47 AM
And next would be As You Like it Up the Ass.
Posted by: Uberchief | December 7, 2006 9:50 AM
Then The Merry Wives of Windsor Go Down on Each Other.
Posted by: Uberchief | December 7, 2006 9:51 AM
Then we could have a Paris Hilton cameo in Twelfth Night in Paris.
Posted by: Uberchief | December 7, 2006 9:52 AM
And finally, the series finale, Winter's Tail.
Posted by: Uberchief | December 7, 2006 9:53 AM
Closely followed by Tightass Andronicass and Comedy of Areolas...
Posted by: thefinn | December 7, 2006 9:54 AM
Anthony and Cleopatra and the Donkey Dong
Posted by: turtle | December 7, 2006 9:55 AM
The Porn Merchant of Venice
Two Gentlemen and Veronica (ok, that's stretching it)
Posted by: michele | December 7, 2006 10:00 AM
henry the ate
what? no? oh uh ok...
Posted by: kali | December 7, 2006 10:06 AM
Oh-hell-ohhh!
/ a double anal action movie
Posted by: turtle | December 7, 2006 10:06 AM
A Midsummer Night's Cream
Posted by: baby huey | December 7, 2006 10:25 AM
it's only a matter of time before we have other playwrights ripping off shakespeare, too. i can see it now...
Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Fucking
Posted by: baby huey | December 7, 2006 10:29 AM
can't. get. visual. out. of. head.
tim roth and gary oldman are fucking.
mmmm.
uh did i cross some line there?
Posted by: kali | December 7, 2006 10:32 AM
uh did i cross some line there?
Hell no. I'm directing that movie in my mind right now.
Posted by: michele | December 7, 2006 10:56 AM
Waiting for Godot to Cum
Posted by: Uberchief | December 7, 2006 11:24 AM
Death of a Dildo Salesman
Posted by: Uberchief | December 7, 2006 12:06 PM
Tim Roth and Gary Oldman??!??!?!?!?!
Ugh...
Posted by: RWA | December 7, 2006 2:59 PM
Oh hell, I'm just laughing to hard tonight to NOT say something.. Good poem, great comments... *giggle*
Posted by: Matthew | December 7, 2006 7:09 PM
thank you for mentioning me, ;) and, yes, smart and funny and all that too.
Posted by: a lusty romp | December 8, 2006 5:43 PM