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Getting The Digits by Kali Pornia
i had dinner with an old high school friend last night. i don't really do high school friends because, well... because i fucking hated high school. i mean i didn't mind school itself, but by the time high school rolled around i was a social leper. i fucking hated the social aspect of it all and just kept getting burnt and steamrolled and talked about and caught in lies and drunk and fucking your boyfriend. ya, that pretty much sums it up for me. i mean, when those kids shot all those people at columbine? yes, tragedy. yes, horrible. innocent people die and you're not supposed to make jokes about it. and let me tell you that this is not a joke. when parents and other adults were running around crying screaming, wondering why this all happened, i knew. i didn't have to wonder why it was all happening. i fucking HATED those people dude. and some days i could have been those kids. i shit you not. i was bipolar and irrational and i fucking hated those kids for making my life hell. shit i wasn't even the worst of the outcasts and i fantasized about killing some people. thank god i was spineless and without a co-conspirator... so i have been shamelessly myspacing this past month and i come across a girl i used to hang with. she was the other outcast slut. we both came from public school to this private hell and we knew how to fight and fuck. so we got along until, well, until we didn't. who the fuck knows what happened. if i had to guess i would say that i so desperately wanted to be popular that at some point i ditched her because she was "keeping me down." ya that probably rings pretty true. this girl wasn't (isn't) perfect mind you, but she was a very loyal friend to be sure. and i was not. but all high school shit aside, thank god, we came out of it pretty unscathed. she's just like me... an extremely smart girl not living up to her potential. we're both hiding in secretarial jobs. neither of us have been married, no kids, one long term relationship that ended. she still drinks, i don't. that's really the main difference. that and the fact that she has more self esteem than i ever did. i doubt she tried to kill herself with drugs. dunno. so we get into this conversation. man we fucked some dudes. i mean we really did. i remember making a list in my freshman year of college. that list was 80 some long as i recall. and fuck. freshman year of college is when the fucking really took off! i told her that at some point in any bartending job the topic of numbers comes up. there's always that player guy that wants to throw around the number of chicks he's fucked. that fucking guy is prolly the same dud i shoulda shot in high school. anyway, he doesn't want to get into a pissing match with me or the friend i had sushi with last night. shit. i got laid whenever i wanted to. it's like that for girls. guys strike out sometimes... even the player bartender. me? not so much. i can't speak to the quality, mind you, but i rarely went home alone. but you've heard about the thing where you take the number a guy gives you and divide it by three to get the real number of women that he's slept with, right? the same thinking says that you take the number a girl gives you and multiply it by three. let's not do that with my number, ok? because i'm no magic johnson. i mean, i had to work. so... what are your numbers? you can comment anonymously if you want. only a few people will have your ip address. heh. kali doesn't know your IP address but I do.
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Comments
Relatively small. About 10 or so, but only one woman for the past 12 years. :)
Posted by: Cullen | January 18, 2007 6:25 AM
Let's just say I'm in the single digits.
With the multiplication, even.
Posted by: michele | January 18, 2007 6:54 AM
wow.
Posted by: kali | January 18, 2007 7:19 AM
Ok, not with the multiplication.
But single digits. For reals.
Posted by: michele | January 18, 2007 7:27 AM
I watch a lot of Star Trek
Read what you want into that
Posted by: turtle | January 18, 2007 7:55 AM
In my line of work I just don't meet many amputees.
So I am in the single digets
Posted by: jj | January 18, 2007 8:54 AM
Six.
And only one for the last 15 years.
Posted by: shawna | January 18, 2007 9:10 AM
well, shit... no wonder i had to do enough FUCKING TO MAKE UP FOR THE REST OF YOU!!!$#*&^#%$
heh. : )
Posted by: kali | January 18, 2007 9:44 AM
Posted by: turtle | January 18, 2007 9:44 AM
Is that Spanish for "I was too drunk to remember how many people I fucked?"
Posted by: michele | January 18, 2007 10:09 AM
Actually, that was "They drank me I can't remember."
Funnier that way, I think.
Posted by: Keiran Halcyon | January 18, 2007 10:15 AM
Oh, and I guess my self-reported number should be 3, 'cause if I said 1, then that would actually mean 1/3 of one person, and that would be really disturbed.
Posted by: Keiran Halcyon | January 18, 2007 10:16 AM
bwahahah they drank me... ahahah ya! that's about it for me too! heh.
Posted by: kali | January 18, 2007 10:17 AM
hey!
I use babelfish to get my spanish, ok?
just call me the Peggy Hill of FTTW
Posted by: turtle | January 18, 2007 11:04 AM
is peggy the hot daughter?
Posted by: kali | January 18, 2007 11:20 AM
all of them are hott in gods eyes.
cept the little fat kid.
I would have to be really drunk to do him.
Posted by: turtle | January 18, 2007 11:46 AM
oh.
And of course when I say "do him" I mean in a stricly biblical manner.
Not in a jail way.
Posted by: turtle | January 18, 2007 11:49 AM
Wouldn't a biblical manner mean procreating? Is there something you are not telling me? About either you or the Hill kid?
Posted by: michele | January 18, 2007 11:51 AM
turtle confuses me.
Posted by: shawna | January 18, 2007 11:51 AM
Imagine what it's like to spend your days with him, Shawna. I live in a perpetual state of confusion.
Posted by: michele | January 18, 2007 11:53 AM
i think i went too far in that last comment
Posted by: turtle | January 18, 2007 11:58 AM
just cuz you're fucking him in the ass doesn't mean you're gay.
HIM? that's another matter entirely.
Posted by: kali | January 18, 2007 12:09 PM
//i think i went too far in that last comment//
You crack me up.
And my number is single digits too because apparently, I am 'nice' god-dammit.
Posted by: Ernie | January 18, 2007 12:10 PM
uhhh...they're single digits when viewed individually, right?
Posted by: ghostie alix | January 18, 2007 5:14 PM
Yeah, I was "nice" too, but mine manifested in a speach impediment...I never knew a guy could say "no." Since I was "cute" in my youth, I slept with a lot of older women simply because they asked.
Seriously? With names and memories and stuff? Including my wife which is where this stops, 152. We'll be together 15 years in September.
I wish deviding by three would make me less slut-puppy-ish but it really doesn't, does it?
I'm conflicted with wanting to jump up in the air crowing, "I'm the man!" and wanting to go home and take a long, hot shower.
Posted by: Timmer | January 18, 2007 5:34 PM
Timmer, geeeez. 152? How'd you keep track?? Did you put notches on your bedpost or something?
Posted by: shawna | January 18, 2007 6:36 PM
And I didn't even count the summer, "I thought I might be gay."
I used to journal religiously and never would have even looked back on it except I had a friend who suggested that perhaps I should take a look at my previous behavior if I was serious about getting married.
Shaaa, ya think?
I can only name 5 of them that I slept with sober, so I absolutely understand Turtle's drawing.
I'm not bragging or complaining, it's just the way I was. I was young, cute, single, buff, blonde, and drunk. I'm very happy to say I'm none of those any longer. Well, I'd like to be buff again, I'm just not willing to work that hard at it any more.
Posted by: Timmer | January 18, 2007 6:58 PM
Too much information huh?
Shrugs.
Sorry.
Posted by: Timmer | January 18, 2007 9:02 PM
And I didn't even count the summer, "I thought I might be gay."
Well, we now found what you can write about for FTTW!
Posted by: michele | January 18, 2007 9:04 PM
Nah...I'm so over that I don't even find it interestingly creepy anymore.
Posted by: Timmer | January 18, 2007 9:20 PM
It's over 30 but less than 100 or so I would guess, I'm pretty sure, but I know for sure that I've been sober for 8 years so the casual sex has tapered off a great deal. Oh, and it really isn't that many when you count up all those drunken nights from ages 15-29.
Posted by: Richard | January 18, 2007 10:00 PM
timmer i totally get it, believe me. now that i'm in a relationship that i would like to be successful, i get great benefit from looking at my uh patterns.
i didn't know that a girl could say no. heh. i also defined myself by male attention... still do to some extent, but it's getting better the more i talk about it and take opposite action, as i'm sure you are aware.
now. maybe that's tmi. : )
my number is triple digits too, much closer to 300 though i imagine...
Posted by: kali | January 19, 2007 7:47 AM
Single digits - multiplied or not.
Posted by: RWA | January 19, 2007 2:01 PM
I'd like to say somewhere between 30 and 35, but the heroin years are still pretty much a blur. So I'd probably add a few to that for 97-03.
Posted by: grampa | January 22, 2007 8:18 PM