could this new year be any newer? for fuck's sake. so you all know that i've started a new job (remember the pole? ya i still have to take pictures...) and you may or may not know that i've begun a new relationship. (fucking awesome by the way, he's moving in. whaaat? we waited like 2 weeks. wanna hear a joke? what does a drug addict bring on a second date? a u-haul. hA!)

so yah now my grad school program has started up again. and last night was the first meeting of my quantitative decision making class. WTF? quan who? the only quan i know is michelle. cripes. the book is called "introduction to management science." there's a science to management doncha know. ok but here's the bad news. it's fucking math! MATH, people!!! i haven't had a math class since my first semester of college. and just so i seem even more pitiful that was over 15 years ago.

i was a go get 'em freshman in the mechanical engineering program at cornell university. for like a week (the go get 'em part. i did last the full semester. i was on a navyROTC scholarship -- marine option, but that's a story for another fucking day) my first semester read like a "classes you hate" list. chemistry, physics, calculus, computer programming (fucking PASCAL it was so long ago...) and one english class. dude i have no idea. i was away from home for the first time hanging out with marines and yada yada you know the rest. school fell a distant third to drinking and fucking. and mine was not a schedule in which i could "slide by."

we'll just skip to the end of the story at this point and tell you that i ended up sliding by 5 years later as a theatre major at a local state university. hA! my god what i put my poor parents through.

anyway i'm going to try not to let this end up being an "i hate myself" post... and i'll do that by saying that in the past year i've accomplished more and felt better than i ever have in my whole life. and also by saying that if i didn't do all that than what the HELL WOULD I BLOG ABOUT??? heh.

ok so what the fuck was i talking about? oh ya. this class is freaking me right the fuck out. and thursday i'm scheduled to start a macro-econ class. fucking hell, dude. i think i might have to drop that one. perhaps i should have spoken to a counselor about my class schedule before i signed up for these two. nah. too easy.

so let's add up my life and see what the hell's on the agenda. a new job. a new relationship. i'm in my 15th month of recovery (which is a fuck of a lot of work. all this changing behavior is fucking work , don't let them tell you any different.) and now MATH. and it's not just regular math either. there are symbols and letters involved. something called a "sigma" for christ's sake.

so ya i'm scared. but i seem to remember feeling this way after the first meeting of every class i've taken so far.

i'm just amazed at how quickly my brain tells me to quit. that i'm too dumb to get through grad school. still and all, i think i'll stay. i may, however, drop the econ class and concentrate on one at a time.

thought? opinions? experience?

kali is just teasing us now with the pole pics.

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