Jay Leno

I don't give a flying piece of monkey shit if he replaced Johnny Carson as host of the tonight show, this guy blows. His jokes are lame and always followed by a rim shot (not rim job) then, when no one laughs, he figures that they just didn't hear the shitty punchline so he repeats it, with another god damn rim shot from the band. Jay Leno you suck, I hope something heavy falls on your grotesquely disfigured head!

Disclaimers on Medicine Ads

Not only is there some new designer prescription for everything from nosebleeds to severe anal leakage, the side effects that they cause are horrificly worse than the problem they are prescribed to get rid of.

John Stamos

Not only did this cheese dick get to bang Rebecca Romajn ,which should put him on the top of anyone's list of "ten people whose asses I want to lodge a small mouthed bass in", but he was also that lame ass, hip-but-sensitive uncle Jesse on full house. And only three good things came out of Full House, Bob Saget’s drug problem, and the Olsen Twins (because we all know that soon enough those two and Britney Spears are gonna be doing porn with Paris Hilton.) John Stamos is a schmuck.

Everclear - The Band

Every song written by this three piece out cropping of dingleberries sounds alike. Don't believe me? Start singing father of mine over that "..we can live beside the ocean.." song. I farted one time and it lasted 74 minutes, the length of a full cd, and it had more tone, charisma, pathos, and talent than every Everclear album put together. I walked out of a free concert that they put on...i then went home and watched my wall, because I had no TV. I hope this band has finally stopped recording shit, and I pray radio someday stops playing them. I also hope that they get on a plane with Sugar Ray and that plane crashes into a fish tank full of ravenous pirahanas that eats their faces off but leaves them to live horribly disfigured lives.

The Hollywood Shit Machine

This is that strange corporate entity that exists in the nether regions of California that churns out one bad movie after another. These are the people responsible for movies like Dude, Where's my car? Dumb and Dumberer, Cool as Ice (The shit hurricane that was vanilla ice's movie career) and various other GIANT WASTES OF DOG SHIT. This is the same cloudy nothingness that finds one actor and decides that they are the golden child of the film industry and makes me hate them. For example: Will Farrell. I liked Will Farrel when he was on SNL, but now that he is in every god damn movie that is put out these days, I would rather have all my teeth ripped out and then be forced to gum my own arm off then watch him stumble through another clumsy, heavy handed performance. One of these days I'm gonna burn hollywood down, and then pee on the ashes.

Ahston Kutcher

When will this no talent fart catcher shrivel up and fucking die? As Kelso on That Seventies Show he was likable as a doofus, but once he became The Shit Machines golden boy, my urge to cause great and frequent bodily harm to him rose to exponential levels. That and he starred in the greatest tragedy film has ever seen: Dude, Where's My Car? I want my eight bucks back you giant piece of toilet left overs. If I was making movies they sure as hell wouldn't star this bag of ass, unless it was a snuff film. I hope someone puts a butcher knife in his head at a county fair informercial.

Gary Coleman

IS THE DEVIL!

Paris Hilton

Can someone please explain to me why this whore is famous and I'm not? I did more to be famous for this morning, when I took a shit, than she has done her entire life. She has the mental capacity of a small woodland creature and is incapable of any tact or substance. She should just go the whole nine and be a full fledged porn star, at least then she'd get paid for being the salacious slut that she is.