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Let's Do This Fucker
by Ernie Williams
Ok gang, this is it. I mean, this is REALLY it. The Big Game is this Sunday. It’s the last game of the 2006-07 NFL season. I’m talking, of course, about THE SUPERBOWL, the first major holiday of the year.
Now, I’m sure there are a stubborn few of you out there reading this who will try and deny that The SUPERBOWL is, in fact, a holiday. Like my Wife for example. Whenever I tell her that THE SUPERBOWL is a holiday, she tries to tell me that it’s a football game and a football game is not a holiday.
Well, that might be true if it were just a football game, but it’s not just any old football game, it’s THE SUPERBOWL. So you non-believers can try and pretend that the SUPERBOWL is not a real holiday all you want, but, that will not change the fact that THE SUPERBOWL = HOLIDAY. And a great holiday it is, a holiday where everybody gets the same present, the gift of watching the two best teams in the NFL battle for the Lombardi Trophy and a SUPERBOWL Championship.
Plus you get to eat lots of really tasty goodies like buffalo chicken, chili, guacamole, beer, various other beverages, chips, pretzels and an endless variety of cheese covered, artery clogging snacks.
Did I mention that beer is involved?
Whatever your SUPERBOWL spread may consist of, make sure you throw some ROOSTER SAUCE on it. Because ROOSTER SAUCE rules.
As far as the game itself goes, unless you are living under a rock or are one of those people, again, like my Wife, who tries to pretend that they don’t care about football, (while secretly knowing damn well that you do,) you know that The Indianapolis Colts are facing The Chicago Bears for The Lombardi Trophy this Sunday.
I’m going to get this out of the way right here and now: this is not the match-up I was hoping for. I am not a Colts fan. In fact I am the opposite of Colts fan. I am anti-Colts fan. I think anybody that has read this feature here on FTTW knows this, so I think it goes without saying that I am rooting for The Chicago Bears this weekend.
However, rather than subject everyone out there to my admittedly harsh bias against The Colts, I thought I’d take a quick poll of some of our fabulous FTTW writing crew and see what a few other people have to say about The Big Game this weekend. Here you go:
On one hand we have DR who writes:
My kid endorses this statement.
Ok. Straight and too the point.
On the other end of the spectrum, we have Kali, who writes:
fuck irsay. in the ass. with an aluminum bat.
Simply stated, but well said. (The Isray’s are the owners of the Colts, for those who are wondering.)
Well there you have it, two different viewpoints heading into The Big Game.
Chicago comes into the game as the underdog, and I’m not talking about the beloved cartoon I watched in my youth. The Bears will face a very balanced team in The Colts. Indy has an offense that can put up a lot of points in a short span of time, and a defense that has really played above and beyond over the course of the playoffs. They have been extremely good against the run. In fact Indy’s run defense has been the strength of their team throughout the playoffs so far.
Chicago’s defense is also very good. They have the ability to stop the run and pressure the quarterback. They are also very good at creating turnovers, which is one of the main reasons behind their success this year. On offense, they are efficient, if not spectacular. Bears QB Rex Grossman is going to need to engineer some drives, not only to put needed points up on the board, but to keep Indy’s offense off of the field. The Bears are known for their defense, but if their D spends the majority of the game on the field, they are going to wear down eventually and if that happens it is going to be a long, possibly painful game for Chicago fans.
Well, we’ve reached the end my friends. I’d like to take a second to thank Michele and Turtle for letting me write this nonsense here at FTTW over the past few months. It has been a lot of fun and I really enjoyed all the comments and team loyalty fights, poems and other nutty, fun stuff we did. I’m going to continue writing stuff after football season ends, about what I have no idea, I mean other than football what else is there, but I’ll come up with something.
Until then, enjoy The Big Game and The SUPERBOWL Holiday everybody!
Ernie likes to party. He don't cause trouble. He don't bother nobody.