Skyrockets In Flight! Or: We Have No Shame
by Michele Christopher

We at FTTW have been challenged.

dueling.JPGUnfortunately, it was not to a duel. I always wanted to be challenged to a duel. It's such a gentlemanly way of settling an argument. Sure, it usually ends with someone's death, but at least he dies a gentleman's death.

This challenge was put forth to us by my friend Dean from Dean's World. Dean had a sudden desire to announce to the world that he really digs the Jackson 5, particularly the song ABC. Then he must have felt much shame. All alone out there, with his Jackson 5 love dangling on his site for all the world to see. And he decided he did not want to be alone in this. So he challenged us. Would we admit to liking a worse, cheesier song than that?

He picked the wrong crowd to fuck with.

Thing is, we have no pride here at FTTW. Some of us have already admitted to things like lighting our farts on fire and watching Pauly Shore movies. We readily admit to getting our groove on to some seriously lame music.

This is why Dean cannot win this challenge. Never go into a shame battle with people who possess no such thing.

I present to you, and to Dean, two email threads from today in which most of the writers and editors of FTTW come forth with their dirty music laundry. And we do not hide behind meek excuses. No, we are loud and proud and in your face with it.

First, the editor emails.

Michele: Also, my friend dean at has challenged the FTTW writers. He is listing the old, cheesy songs he loves that no one else will admit to liking and wants us to do the same, so if you want to gimme some picks on that, i'll throw them in.


(ed note: notice how I do not refute this assumption, nor the charges of being lame. If being lame for listening to Starland Vocal Band and enjoying is is wrong, I don't want to be right)

Turtle: thats tough for me.
i am kinda not ashamed about what i like and dont like. you guys already know i like justin timberlake so there is no really go down from there.
OH OH! Steal My Sunshine by Len!!!! thats an awesome song. It got me through rehab!

It was then we decided to bring this to the entire group of writers.

DR: Oh God. I think I already gave away mine this morning to Michele.
Michele: Let your love flow, like a mountain stream, let your love

DFactor: Partridge Family - closetoyou.JPG"I Woke Up in Love this Morning"
This songs rocks on several levels - as an ode to love (or masturbation?), minor chords abounding, David Cassidy sings it well, and a shouted angry chorus, which seems to go against the grain of the lyric. My secret rock-along song.

Baby Huey: For me it's the Carpenters' "Close to You"
i don't know why birds suddenly appear, but goddamn it, I WANT TO FIND OUT.

Ian: Man, if Dean was hedging his cash against the supposed shame of the FTTW writers, he took a sucker bet. Surprise, Dean, WE HAVE NO SHAME. (ed note: told ya!)

Black Betty" by Ram Jam, when you really sit and listen, is an awful, awful song. The lyrics make no sense, the verse is repetitive; it would be talentless rap, but it doesn't have the talent to get up that high.

But damnit, I know every word and can sing along at speed.

Michele: I might have to add "I Think I Love You" to my list.

Cheesy, manufactured pop at its finest. Plus, I used to swoon over David Cassidy.


Speaking of Chaka, mine would be "I Feel For You" by Chaka Khan. Don't know why, but I really dig those synthesizers.

kali: wow there are so many..

total eclipse of the heart - bonnie tyler
all cried out - lisa lisa and cult jam feat.full force
muskrat love - THE capt and tennille
thank you for the music - ABBA
sweet caroline - neil diamond
forever in blue jeans - neil again...

should i go on?
Michele: I just have to say that I HATE HATE HATE Sweet Caroline with all the hate one can muster for a song.
BH: kinda like how i feel about afternoon delight.
Ernie: I like when they play Sweet Caroline at Fenway Park.
Michele: you would. maybe we have discovered why i hate it so.

Ernie: I really like that song 'Cry' by Godley & Creme. They used that one in my favorite Miami Vice episode, the one with Ted Nugent in it. (Stop making fun of me).

Shawna: Cheesiest song I love (one of them anyway) is the Sugarhill Gang's Rapper's Delight. I just heard it on the radio a few days ago. I think I was 10 or 11 when it came out.
And, yes, it IS a cheesy song.

Part of me hates this song, and the other part of me can't pull away, kinda like looking at a really bad car accident.

p03971e89jn.jpgBH: dude. rapper's delight is made of win.
Michele: knocking rapper's delight is like knocking The Message. just goes to show, one person's cheese is another person's umm......cake? something like that.

Deb: I win, because right now I am listening to MAMBO No. 5.

But I do have two very (as in short bus) special songs that I try to blame on other people, that I have in constant rotation on my iPOD...

Love will keep us together (C&T) - this is one of my karaoke staples...
Cracklin Rosie - Neil Diamond

Cracklin Rosie get on board
We're gonna ride till there ain't no more to go
Takin it slow
Lord, don't you know
Have made me a time with a poor man's lady.

It's my theme song.

Richard: I have tons of embarrassing tunes stuck in my head, but let's go with Laura Brannigan's "Gloria" for my not so guilty pleasure. If I were to karaoke I would tear that song up. The video is halaarious, coked up or whatever; she looks like she is dancing to a completely different song.

Travis: I blame this completely on my mother because she used to clean the house listening to this LP indefintiely but I know almost al of the songs from the Flashdance soundtrack.

My shame knows no bounds.

Cullen: I like the Statler Brothers. There is not a Statler Brothers song I don't like.

Don't tell me I got nothing to do, dammit!

Pirate: OMG, I am going to say this and then hide. Forever. I lost my virginity with the soundtrack to Saturday Night Fever playing on SOMEONE ELSE'S boombox on a beach and well, you know....I hate myself for it.

NoShameLogo.jpgShes juicy and shes trouble
She gets it to me good
My woman gives me power
Goes right down to my blood

What you doin on your back aah?
What you doin on your back aah?
You should be dancing, yeah
Dancing, yeah

So, Dean. The Gauntlet has been thrown, so to speak. Your challenge has been met and, I'm afraid to tell you, you have died a rather ungentlemanly death.


Now, help us out, faithful FTTW readers. Add yours to the list. We know you have no shame, either. We've seen the things you admitted to here before. Don't make us blackmail you.

UPDATE: We are the champions!! Dean went down like France!

Michele has been known to dance to Funkytown.



On that whole saturday night fever thing...That was the pirate, not me.

I lost my virginity in front of an audience of five


I thought I got in early enough to get in on this. I love the Statler Brothers ... not a song of theirs I don't like.


Travis, fixed.

Cullen, it's in there. You like them so much you wanted to announce it twice?


No! Yes. Erm, no!

I just overlooked it, apparently.


I lost my virginity in front of an audience of five

Yeah right. Admit it. You lost your virginity watching Party of Five, didn't you?


Dang! Let me guess, Travis. You spent the last few years building up an immunity to iocane powder...


the only other song that could remotely be called cheesy that i like is The Safety Dance by Men Without Hats.

But that song is fucking cool AND has a midget in the video so they got all aces from me.

In fact I am buying a Men Without Hats shirt online right now just cause of this thread.


oh for christ sakes

the internet has failed me

i cannot find a Men Without Hats shirt


Michele has been known to dance to Funkytown.

I lost my virginity in front of an audience of five

My sister once dated Vanilla Ice...and is in his Ice Ice Baby video. Top that.

Rumpshaker - Rex-N-Effect

I have to stop what I'm doing everytime that damn song comes on...


My sister once dated Vanilla Ice

your sister screwed the Ice Man?!

Word to your sister!

That's kinda cool.


I too like Laura Brannigan's 'Gloria'. I used to sit and wait for Kasey Kasem to play that one on the radio.


I've got you all beat:

House at Pooh Corner - Loggins and Messina
Humming to myself, "Winnie da Pooh dudn't know what ta do; Got a honey jar stuck on his nose."


...and seriously Dean, ABC? Lame? I'll take anything from Motown over anything MJ ever did on his own.


Shake Your Booty by KC and the Sunshine Band. Hell, I love everything by KC and the Sunshine Band.

Pooh Corner was Loggins and Messina? I thought it was someone else


My sister once dated Vanilla Ice...and is in his Ice Ice Baby video.

Darth high school, my brother-who looked and was built a lot like Vanilla Ice, shaved his eyebrows like him, too. He wanted to be VI. I died a horrible, shameful, thousand deaths during that phase.


Delta Dawn by the incomparable Helen Reddy.


Turning Japanese by the Vapors. Unlike most people I have actually heard another song by the Vapors that wasn't Turning Japanese.


I'm soo stuck in the 70s. The AM dial, in the 70s.


I think I was destroyed by "Afternoon Delight," but "Delta Dawn" is just rubbing salt in the wounds, you sick bastards.


Y'know, I just recently found out that "Turning Japanese" is a euphemism for self-abuse, I had no idea.


OT, but is anyone disturbed to hear a song about masturbation played on the Wendy's commercial for their new swiss bacon cheesemonster thing?! I mean... maybe the Femmes are getting a good laugh out of it, I am... but people have NOOOO idea.


"Maybe I'm Amazed", but I have a singular weakness for Wings, so pretty much anything in their catalog.


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