Momma Says Fooseball Is The Devil…
by Ernie Williams

slow%20day.jpgHi Everybody! Happy Friday my friends!! Friday fully fucking rules, does it not? Yes indeedy it does… Alright you guys, I’m not going to lie to you. I don’t have a lot for you today. Things are pretty slow in the beautiful land of football.

There was the NFL Meat Market also known as the NFL Combine last weekend. This annual event is where Coaches and GMs from around the league size up college players who will be potential draft picks in about a month. Players are measured, weighed, photographed, and put through a series of physical and mental tests.

Other than the fact that it took place last weekend, there’s not much else to say about it. Some people believe that a player’s chances of getting drafted can hang on their combine results, but I don’t go along with that. You can’t judge a football player by how fast he can run the 100 yard dash or how far he can place in the long jump. Just because some guy may be a track star, that does not equate into him becoming a top NFL player.

What else is going on… Well Free Agency starts this weekend, today as a matter of fact. This is the period where players are going to try and cash in and get those enormous contracts that would set you or I, along with our extended families, up for the rest of our lives, but which some football players will undoubtedly blow on a HUMMER with a nice sound system and a hot-tub in the back…

Since there’s not a lot of football related stuff going on right now I’ve been trying to find other stuff to keep busy. I’ve been keeping an eye on The Red Sox spring training news and I’ve been watching NASCAR racing. The Daytona 500 this year was really good, although my favorite driver lost the race by a foot and a half... I’ve also been hanging out with Satan, practicing my guitar a lot more, and at the recommendation of my loyal readers, there’s been lots of hookers and blow… just kidding about that last part... or am I? (ok yes, I am kidding. Can’t fool you, you buncha sharp cookies).

So, seeing as how it’s Fun Faster Than the World Friday (or Reward Friday as I like to refer to it) it’s my turn to help entertain you here at Faster Than the World, so I’m gonna fall back on the old reliable: lists of movies. Or, in my case, favorite Football movies. Here are a select few of mine that I can always count on when I need a good football fix.


“I’m here to play Football for the Irish…” Dudes and ladies, this movie is the fucking balls. I’m telling you right now, it does not get any better than this. This is the pinnacle, the zenith, the top of the pile. Even though there’s not a whole lot of actual football action in the movie, this is one of the best football movies there is. I’ve seen this one at least 150 times. I once watched it every night for like two weeks straight. I’ve cut down on my ‘Rudy’ intake and I’m down to watching it a few times a year at this point, but I still get misty every time when Rudy sits down and reads the letter saying that he’s finally been accepted into Notre Dame. Chokes me up every single time… Then that part where Rudy goes back home and visits his father at
the factory where he used to work and gives the acceptance letter to his father, ‘You wanna work?’

‘Can’t Dad… football practice starts next week…’


Remember the Titans:

This is another one of those inspirational football movies. It’s got Denzel Washington in it so you know it’s good. Denzel is one of those guys where, I feel like you can’t go wrong if he’s in it. If Denzel Washington is in a movie, it’s a pretty safe bet it’s going to be a good one. There are a ton of good football scenes in this movie, as well as some kind of side story about people coming together and overcoming adversity or something like that…

Necessary Roughness:

Now. Here we have another excellent football movie. It’s got Sinbad, who is hilarious, and don’t try and kid yourself and try and tell yourself that he’s not, because you know damn well that he is, because he makes everybody laugh, so just stop with the pretense, ok? It’s also got the guy from Quantum Leap, The Makin’ Copies Guy from Saturday Night Live, and The Hotel Manager from Pretty Woman in it. In short, you’re looking at an All-Star cast here. This is a rags to riches story about a really bad college football team that pulls itself together and by the end of the movie is totally kicking it’s arch-rival’s ass. I won’t give away the ending on you.

Ok last one then I’ll let you go and leave some of your faves in the comments. Or tell me how stupid mine are. Whatever.

The Waterboy:

‘Momma says fooseball is the Devil…’ Say what you want about Adam Sandler flicks, but this is a funny movie and there is lots of football in it.Watching Adam as The Waterboy tackle anything and everything in sight while also serving some pretty fine H-2-O is pretty damn cracks-me-up, especially the part where he tackles that Col. Sanders lookin’ guy in the classroom. That is comedy gold right there.. There are a bunch of really stupid gags and dumb one-liners in this movie which basically makes it right up my alley. I am so easily entertained it’s not even funny. Kathy Bates is awesome as The Waterboy’s Momma, plus it’s got Jerry Reed in it.. Jerry Fuckin Reed people! AND Henry Winkler. There is no possible way you can go wrong with this movie.

“I like Vicki, and she like me back! And she showed me her boobies and I like them too!”

Comedy football-related gold…

Ok, that’s it for this week’s, whatever this was.. Next week I’ll come back and try and think up something else to write about. Have a good weekend!



The Longest Yard is my favorite football movie, mostly because Any Given Sunday was just too long. The Burt Reynolds one, of course, I haven't seen the remake. It was a Saturday matinee staple on TBS back when it was WTCG. "I think I broke his freakin' neck!"


I love the original Longest Yard, too.

Also, Brian's Song. A football movie AND a tearjerker.


I watched 'Invincible' last night. That was a really good one.

I can think of bunches more but I'm leaving that to you guys


didn't HBO turn Necessary Roughness into a series a long time ago?


HBO had First and Ten, which was a great football series.


Hmmm. I will have to check out that 1st and 10 thing. Never heard of it but if it's on HBO it's probably good. Can't go wrong with HBO shows.


I should also add that I have no idea what WTCG stands for. I hate acronyms...


When you say "Makin' copies guy from SNL", you mean the plague on cinema that is Rob Schneider correct?


I played little Miss Vicki Valencourt last year on my son's football team. I'm no Fairuza Balk, but I did a good job.

The original The Longest Yard did kick ass. The remake wasn't terrible, at least.


Ernie: I should also add that I have no idea what WTCG stands for. I hate acronyms...

Sorry, not an acronym or anything clever. Back in the 70s Ted Turner's Atlanta station's call letters were WTCG, then they changed to WTBS, then the cable superstation thing where they lose the k or w since they are no longer defined by area of origin.

First and Ten was one of the first (or the first) HBO sitcoms, starring Delta Burke the first two or three seasons.
The whole series is available on the cheap, in a single no extras box set. It's a bit dated, but better than Arliss.


Oops sorry about that Richard. Had no idea that was a tv station! Thanks for the info and clarification!

And yes the SNL Makin Copies Guy is Rob Schneider, comedic genius. FUMBLEAYA!!


SNL Makin Copies Guy is Rob Schneider, comedic genius.

He makes my skin crawl.


The ability to make people's skin crawl is all part of his genius.


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