Bloodsucking Fiends: A Love Story
by Kristine


A lot of people have read novels by Christopher Moore, mostly chatter about
Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal which I
haven’t actually read but intend to. The first book of his I picked up was
Bloodsucking Fiends: A Love Story about, you guessed it, vampires.

We begin in San Francisco, following the pretty hot redhead lead character Jody around who has a bad history with relationships. She picks the ones who use her and never quite commit.

Walking home from work one night she is mugged in the financial district and awakes under a dumpster, with tears in her skirt and runs in her stockings—and money stuffed down her top. Strange mugging.

Soon she realizes that something very strange has happened. Her hair becomes soft & full, all the fine lines disappear. Even her crooked toe is suddenly straight. She’s perfect. She’s also undead and really hungry.

Trying to recall everything she’s ever seen on TV or in movies, or read in a book about vampires, she puts together that she definitely needs to be out of the sun, and probably needs a little bit of help because as soon as the sun rises she falls into a sleep so deep as to be pretty much dead. Wherever she might be, in the street, in a store, or in bed—she will drop dead at sunrise and not wake again until sunset.

Clearly it’s time to find herself a minion and that she find in one Tommy Flood, aspiring writer from Indiana. He’s 19 and naïve and very small town. The two meet, become lovers, and soon move in with each other. Sure it’s fast, but she’s hungry and needs to feed.

Tommy gets himself a job at Safeway on the night shift, where he falls in with the Animals (the other night shift employees) and learns the intricacies of turkey bowling and smoking weed.


The conflict here is that the centuries old vampire that turned Jody, Elijah,
is quite bored and changed Jody so he would have a toy. Jody, however, was not
interested in that in the least. So to amuse himself, Elijah leaves dead
bodies all over San Francisco with broken necks, intentionally leaving a trail
right back to Jody.

Another character in the book, The Emperor of San Francisco (a homeless guy)
and his Men (two dogs) guard the city and protect it and he wanders in and out
of occasional scenes. I guess he fills the eccentricity requirement and while
he does that quite well, I liked his dogs better than I liked him.

In the end, Jody and Tommy team up with the Safeway Animals to do battle with Elijah and free the city from his presence.

I won’t tell you anything further, but the ending does sort of just stop. Thankfully at the time I first read this book I was high on morphine and in the hospital so the most outrage I could muster was “oh, look at that”. Another thing in my favor is that the sequel to Bloodsucking Fiends, You Suck came out not too long after so I was able to pick that up and read what happened after the most unusual bronzed ending of Bloodsucking Fiends.

I enjoyed this book. Enough so that I bought the second. I liked that one as well. This was another case of a writer getting his groove better with a second attempt versus the first. It kept rolling along, right where the first ended, which I prefer in a sequel.

Anyway, Bloodsucking Fiends was humorous and seemingly original. Very quick read on this one I finished it within 3 days while completely high. Don’t expect anything intellectual here, but there are some pop culture references and a bit of snark. Toss in some satire and you have a winner of a book, even if it does lack depth. I thought Christopher Moore could have expanded a bit on Jody’s relationship with her mother for example. I see some comedy gold to be mined there.

This is the sort of book you want to grab yourself a Bloody Mary, sit back and enjoy. Have a few laughs and then maybe go nibble a neck or two.

I recommend both Bloodsucking Fiends and You Suck.

Next week, I will try and find another book I thought was pure crap.

Kristine vants to suck your blood



I've always been a sucker for redheads, and several have turned out to be bloodsuckers.

These look like a quick, fun, weekend read when I've already used all my brain cells for the week. Good review -- I'll track 'em down!


This sounds like something worth checking out. I like books that can give you a bit of a giggle, but still have an actual plotline.

Man, I've only got about a thousand books on my reading list right now!


I'm one of those people who found Lamb through the Biff book. I liked his writing so much, I picked up The Stupidest Angel right after I finished. I was VERY disappointed in it. So I didn't bother reading anything else of his.

I guess I'll give him another chance and pick up these books.


Don't Vampire Stories always rule?


Hmm I could use a good vampire story. I was going to pick up Bunnicula for the "holiday" season but this might hold my attention a bit more since I'm an adult now :)


You're never too old to enjoy Bunnicula :)


Don't Vampire Stories always rule?

I'm also of that mindset! One of the three books I'm currently reading is titled The Historian. It's a fictional tale of a woman who is pursuing the legend of Dracula because her father and his former Professor both "find" mysterious books with only a dragon within for a clue. Basically it's a story of Count Dracula still being alive, all from the POV of Oxford historians.

So far it's a bit slow but quite descriptive.


Sounds like a fun book. Now if I could score some morphine I might read it too, unless of course there is a popup version which I would get right away.


Now if I could score some morphine I might read it too

It's not required of course, but it does make it interesting. I suggest a pancreatic attack if you're in need of some good drugs!


POP Culture spins on Vampires and the like always bug me. I'm not sure why, I can just never get into them. I like Pop culture reads, Like Copelands "Microserfs", and all things David Sedaris, but I'm always on the fence with the POP culture monster and mayhem books. Meh, thats just me I guess.

I do think, from what I have read, most of you would enjoy Total Farks very own,Carrie Vaughn's book, Kitty in the Midnight Hour.


all things David Sedaris

I, too, adore David Sedaris and his brand of humor. To this day I giggle when I think of the bathroom line vs. the line to see Santa.

These two books weren't too far into the pop culture realm of vampire stories. At least I don't think so. There are pop culture references, especially in the 2nd novel, You Suck because of one of the characters, Abby Normal. A teenager girl, very emo, very goth. Desperately wants to be a minion, but still loves Starbucks and Hello Kitty.

Those are the sort of references I meant in regards to pop culture.

I should have mentioned Abby Normal in the review. She was highly entertaining and actually had more personality than most of the other characters. Parts of You Suck are written from a journal perspective of Abby's.

These are quite the bubble gum books, I freely admit that, but I wouldn't go so far as to say it's in the area of say, Andy Warhol pursuits of pop culture.


Bubble gum books eh? I think you just talked me into the pair. Not everything can be, nor should be Shakespear.


Bubble gum books eh? I think you just talked me into the pair. Not everything can be, nor should be Shakespeare.

Fantastic! Though now I think I should probably review some Shakespeare. Maybe Taming of the Shrew since that's my favorite. Not surprising though, for those that know me.


Moore's books aren't always the best, but when he's on, he's really funny. Try Island Of The Sequined Love Nun sometime.It's got an totally implausible plot, but it's pretty funny.


Moore's books aren't known for their plausibility or finely crafted plots... He is however, hella funny at times and his stuff makes for fantastic vacation reading. And for the record, "Lamb" is a freaking riot. Easily his best, by far.


Any book that goes good with a bloody mary is ok by me.


treatment cancer pancreatic


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