from the music vault: turbonegro
by Michele Christopher
Turbonegro: Apocalypse Dudes
Norwegian deathpunk band Turbonegro got its start in 1989 and came close to calling themselves Nazipenis until they thought better of it. Really, all you need to know about them is that lead singer Hank Von Helvete has, on stage, lit Roman candles from his ass (see photo). And all you need to know about this album is that all the huge underground bands came together to record a tribute because Apocalypse Dudes meant so much to them. Very few people heard of them til they were gone and when they did hear this album, they were so inspired that every band had a Turbonegro song in their set.
Apocalypse Dudes is the band’s 1998 offering and arguably their finest recorded moment. How to describe it? Well....
So you’re having a party. It’s going to be the kind of party where there’s so many people, they won’t fit into backyard and they will spill over into your living room and kitchen, maybe even the front yard. There will be things going on the bedroom that you only hear about in whispered rumors weeks later. There will be shattered glass, vomit on the bathroom floor, overturned chairs, tire tracks on your lawn, a turd floating in your pool and several wall holes that will need spackling. At some point there will be the sound of sirens wailing through your neighborhood. The neighbors will complain about the loud, offensive music, the foul-mouthed kids stealing their lawn jockeys, the near-comatose girl on their patio and the car parked on their rhododendrons. Someone will ride a bicycle through your house. Someone will attempt to jump from the second story bedroom window into your pool, and probably miss. The next door neighbor’s 12 year old son will sneak into the party and develop a new vocabulary as well as a drug habit. Your dog will get stoned. There will be a court appearance in your future.
Apocalypse Dudes is the only music selection you need for this party.
From the turtle:
This is a record that I heard for the first time half asleep on a sofa at someones' house who just got back from Europe. He just looked at me and said "Check this shit out, man." The intro. That slow intro. Explaining some story. It sounded so serious. Like they really were gonna go off on some apocalyptic song. Like what was next up was going to be some life altering lyrics or something and that I would need to go protest at the capitol about the next day. But, it was about pizza. And it just made me hungry. So I went and got a pizza. Hey dude, can't change the world, might as well get a double double sausage and mushroom to go.
Rendezvous With Anus
Don’t Say Motherfucker, Motherfucker
Get it On
Back to Dungaree High
Queens of the Stone Age - Back to Dungaree High (from the Turbo tribute album)