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board games and bored nights
by Turtle Jones
Board games! This week will end out in games. We are trying to wrap up the schedule of guest writers that we promised you on Monday (yes, I know what day it is) and kick it out to you. The schedule is almost full but anyone who still has yet to send us anything, please try to do it soon. Other people on here would like to know their spots and we can't finish it til we have yours.
*Daily turtle rant done*
Board games. These were the things you played when your power went out or you were trapped in some god forsaken place with nothing to do. Always a few pieces missing and always wanting to cheat. We all played them and some were cool while others, like Chutes and Ladders, were just straight from the devil's pocketbook. Who can't remember playing Operation on methamphetamine and wondering why that god damn light kept blinking on that little fuckers nose. Seems the fat man can't take much pain.
But, we decided on three to do and we are really interested in ones we missed.
turtle rolls the dice first.
The best part about this game was cheating. That's all this game was about. Cheating. Spin the dial and look out the window. Yell "what's that!?" Then your friends gazing away as you became a heart surgeon. That's the way it works in real life. Gotta cheat to be ahead. Unless you get strapped down with kids. I always wondered if there should be new version of this game. Like a 2000 edition. Cause this 1950 shit don't cut it.
You got a bad tattoo. Move back five spaces and get a Hep-C test.
Cause that would be funny.
Hm. A lot of parts here. Lose one part and the game is ruined. A lot of metal balls, too. This whole game looks like some sort of weird gay sex toy that was used for some bdsm action. "Oh no! The mouse is coming for my anus!"
Maybe that's just me.
But after you set this game up, you just wanted it to end. Just to see everything in progress as a final note that you lost. The other kids cheered as you watched the cage come down on your mouse and that god dammed diver jumped into the pool. Meh.
At least there was no water in there. I hope he cracked his fucking head open.
Hungry Hungry Hippos
I call it a board game. Up in the air about this one. Although I've only played this with little kids, I have one thing to say to America. Stop giving your kids so much damn sugar. Man those little bastards could hit that plunger fast. It was like watching River Phoenix OD on cocaine. They plunged away for no apparent reason as I just watched and tried to get up to speed. These kids were beating me. But, I had an advantage. I was bigger. I took one of my hands and held the pink hippo's plunger down. That's one. Looked at the kid from across me and scowled. He slowed down. That's two. Looked at the kid next to me and threatened him with no eating McDonalds tonight if he didn't slow down. Three down.
Sure. I am a bully.
But my hippo wasn't hungry anymore. - T
michele gets into trouble:
So that's our take on board games and bullies and hippos and hunger. Sometimes things need to be taken care of in order to win a game. Some alliegences needed to be formed. But, in the end we all had fun and maybe I gave some kids some nightmares, but really, I was going for McDonalds anyways.
These are our favorite board games.
What were yours?