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more movie week: guilty as charged by Michele Christopher
Guilty pleasures. We asked you what you wanted to see in our movie week posts and this was put out there. Guilty pleasures. Those movies you love to watch even though everyone bags on them. Movies that mostly suck, but for some reason you think they are cool. They probably have bad acting. Stupid plot lines. Cheesy dialogue. But maybe that’s what you like about them. Maybe some people only watch movies that win awards and shit. Maybe they don’t know what they’re missing. The fun of watching something that you know is really bad. Just getting lost in the special effects or gratuitous sex and violence. Sometimes you just gotta have fun. That’s what guilty pleasures are all about. We all have them. We watch the movies that other people say are unwatchable. Here’s two of ours. Now tell us yours.
Starship Troopers I know the haters are out there. I’ve run into you before. Whining about loyalty to the book. Nerds. All of you. This movie rocked. I don’t care if it strayed from Heinlien’s book. Why argue over that? So it was different. Big deal. You still ended up with a kick ass movie.
Let’s look at what we’ve got here. Bugs. Giant bugs. BUGS IN SPACE. Forget your snakes on a motherfucking plane. We’ve got bugs in motherfucking SPACE. And there’s gore. Brains being sucked out of someone’s head. Doogie Howser. God damn Doogie Howser playing a space Nazi. The cheesiest, wooden acting you can ask for in a cheesy movie. Yes, it’s pure cheese. Yes, it’s absurd. Yes, I know that it’s got flaws out the ass and the dialogue is ridiculous. "You're some sort of big, fat, smart-bug, aren't you?"
There’s only one thing to say to all of you who hate this movie: You got a bug problem, man? Plus, it’s got tits. -M Roadhouse Don't ask me why I defend Mr. Patrick Swayze all the time. I really just think he is the most underrated actor of all time. You can say Gary Coleman or even that little short kid from "Webster" holds this title, but I will have to disagree with you. Midgets are cool, but Mr. Swayze breaks knees. He was the cool while Gary Coleman was asking about what we were talking about. Confused midget verses knee breaking ass kicker. I think Mr. Patrick Swayze wins. Plus Mr. Patrick Swayze has one advantage. He breaks knees. Why is this movie so cool, you ask? It all has to do with one summer. Bored kids with no money to spend except just enough to buy a few forties of malt liquor. Sitting in an alley way. Maybe just a street corner. Passing a bottle around just waiting for the rain to come to wash away the boredom. We had nothing to do and we were poor. Just drink, pass, drink, pass. You get the idea. A van pulled up one night. A friend. He looked us up and down. We were a sad lot of kids. Drinking warm beer and counting our last smokes before we would have to shoplift again. He asked us if we wanted to go to the drive in with him. He had to take his sister to see some dumb movie. He didn't want to go alone. Meh. We have no cash. It's the drive in, dude. Unless you are a cripple that can't hop a fence you better get the fuck in the van. We drove to the drive in and found a way in. Hopped a back fence and wandered into the parking lot. That's when we knew we were seeing something big. Kegs overflowing and staff not caring. Lounge chairs all around the parking lot. Bodies running into each other as everyone screamed the words to the movie! The Summer Of Swayze was born! No more alley ways. No more dead end streets waiting for the night to end. No more drinking cheap beer. All The Summer of Swayze asked you to do was hop a fence, grab a beer and watch him kick ass for 90 minutes! This was awesome. We owned the parking lot! It was ours! People too drunk to talk! Mumbling out "Pain don't hurt" as they passed out! Bodies having sex in the bushes! Bar fights on the screen! Drive in parking lot fights in front on me! Grab a beer and get numb! The movie played three times in a row every night for the entire Summer. I know that movie like the smell of yesterdays keg of Pabst that no one bothered to fill up again. Questions were always left unanswered. People left feeling dead after watching it three times in a row every single god damn night for three months. But you know what? We kept coming back. And so did Mr. Patrick Swayze. Until the Summer ended. - T So we did it! We admitted what our own guilty pleasures are. I like spending a Saturday watching golf all day, if that gives you any more ammo. Well, the thing about this, it was fun. What do you watch, other than porn, that you are afraid to cop to? Cause we all watch porn so that's not like a guilty pleasure. More of an addiction. So what is your favorite movie that no else likes?
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» Guilty Pleasures from Dean's World Faster Than the World discusses movies you hate to admit you love. My favorite? [Read More] |
Yea, there’s some intricate morality things going on here and Verhoeven kind of turns it into a gore and sex fest, as he is prone to do, and maybe at some point you do root for the bugs or wish for Jake Busey to just die already but god damn this is a fun flick. 
This was it. This was something to behold.
Stumble It!
Comments
backdoor assmasters 3-D
but not backdoor assmasters 4
They kinda lost their kick after the third one
Posted by: some porn loving turtle | August 2, 2006 11:00 PM
If you actually stay sober and get past some of the trite dialogue, Road House contains all the philosophy one would need to have a successful life.
I'm totally serious.
STOP LAUGHING. I'm not kidding. ;)
Posted by: JimK | August 3, 2006 12:20 AM
he is right
breaking knees has helped me become a CEO in BreakingKnees LLC
"We Will Break Your Knee Before We Stare At Your Face"
i wrote that motto and the corporate jingle, too!
Posted by: the turtle | August 3, 2006 1:10 AM
Some of my other choices for this post, before I ended up with this:
Armageddon, Oveboard and Killer Klowns from Outerspace.
Maybe Bring it On and Mean Girls.
Maybe.
Posted by: Michele | August 3, 2006 7:14 AM
Tron (never gets old)
Posted by: Andrew Ian Dodge | August 3, 2006 7:15 AM
Armageddon
You are dead to me. DEAD.
Killer Klowns from Outerspace
What's guilty about this fine piece of cinema?
Posted by: Cullen | August 3, 2006 7:46 AM
See, this is why I didn't write about Armageddon. I knew the haters would come out.
In my defense, I only watch about the last 40 minutes. What can I say? It makes me cry like a baby. And then I feel bad about myself for about a full day after because I cried over a movie starring Ben Affleck and featuring Aerosmith on the soundtrack. Do you know what that does to one's self worth?
*stabs brain*
Posted by: Michele | August 3, 2006 7:54 AM
It's more than that, Michelle. It's a trifecta of suck: stars Assfleck, written by Michael Bay and produced by Jerry Bruckheimer. We're lucky the universe didn't implode because of this one.
Posted by: Cullen | August 3, 2006 8:01 AM
Directed by Bay, I mean.
Posted by: Cullen | August 3, 2006 8:02 AM
I know. It is the pinnacle of all suckage in the movie world. It's everything i hate brought together in a vortex of suck.
It's not like I actively seek to watch the movie. It's on sometimes. And it's at that part. And I can't help it.
God, I suck.
I need to go watch a good Bruce Willis movie just to get the stench of Armageddon off of me.
Oh there's another of my guilty pleasure movies: Last Boy Scout.
Posted by: Michele | August 3, 2006 8:05 AM
i surprised no one said Maximum Overdrive yet
Posted by: the turtle | August 3, 2006 8:15 AM
I also like Last Boy Scout. Since I criticized, I guess I should list some of my guilty pleasure movies -- which is hard because I feel little shame.
Um, I liked the Matrix trilogy.
Posted by: Cullen | August 3, 2006 8:16 AM
Another one (with turtle in mind), I liked Red Dawn.
Posted by: Cullen | August 3, 2006 8:16 AM
Funny, I love the first 40 minutes of Armageddon. Once they go into space I actually turn it off.
Posted by: Dean Esmay | August 3, 2006 8:36 AM
I love Red Dawn!
And Maximum Overdrive. "We made you!"
Maybe I just have really bad taste in movies.
Posted by: michele | August 3, 2006 8:40 AM
Whenever 'Point Break' is on, I watch it.
In fact, I own it on DVD.
Oh and 'They Live' with Roddy Piper. "I'm here to kick ass and chew bubble gum. And I'm all out of bubble gum." One of the worst lines of dialogue in the history of American cinema, yet I can't look away!
Posted by: Jay | August 3, 2006 8:41 AM
That Piper line is one of my favorite movie quotes.
There's an idea for a future movie post. Favorite quotes.
Posted by: michele | August 3, 2006 8:42 AM
red dawn is great.
How Mr. Patrick Swayze drags his dying brother onto the park bench as they die together. The nice Cuban throwing his gun down while staring at the bloody brothers and just asking himself what he has become as the wounded brothers sit down to die together.
oh pure 100 percent fucking cheese.
but so much fun
all they needed were a few ballons saying "Cry for me cause we died for you" and we have Oscar material
Posted by: the turtle | August 3, 2006 8:49 AM
Don't think we haven't noticed how you keep referring to him a Mr. Patrick Swayze.
Posted by: michele | August 3, 2006 8:51 AM
hey babe
the man deserves some respect.
he knows how to cool a radiator off by pissing in it
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Posted by: the turtle | August 3, 2006 8:59 AM
Has anybody else noticed that Patrick Swayze is in three of the movies mentioned so far?
If somebody nominates 'Next of Kin' we'll be all set.
Posted by: Jay | August 3, 2006 8:59 AM
I'm not really guilty about any of these, but anyway...
Ice Pirates
Caveman (c'mon, who doesn't love Ringo?)
1941
They Live
Posted by: Ken | August 3, 2006 9:04 AM
As long as nobody says Dirty Dancing, we're ok. Or Youngblood.
I will give Mr. Swayze props for The Outsiders. Because that was a cool movie.
Posted by: michele | August 3, 2006 9:05 AM
well dude
he did some stinkers too, just to be fair. I anyone mentions "Dirty Dancing" we will have a new topic for one night
the greatest Mr. Patrick Swayze movies of all time
i don't think "ghost" would make it in there thou.
Woopie Goldberg just went too far over the top in that movie
Posted by: the turtle | August 3, 2006 9:06 AM
Ice Pirates
Caveman (c'mon, who doesn't love Ringo?)
Ice Pirates is classic cheese.
And I love Caveman. LOVE it.
Posted by: michele | August 3, 2006 9:07 AM
i'm hating myself for saying this but my two guilty pleasures both have bow legs swayze in them.
red dawn (i will watch it EVERY time i see in on tv work,sex,play is no match)
and
dirty dancing.
yes, through no fault of my own i have played right into the turtle's hand
Posted by: kali | August 3, 2006 9:09 AM
oh my god more than i knew!
AVENGE ME!!!
Posted by: kali | August 3, 2006 9:11 AM
Clueless
My most guilty pleasure in movies ever.
Posted by: Courtney | August 3, 2006 9:13 AM
see
i told you guys
Mr. Patrick Swayze is the most underator actor of all time.
Posted by: the turtle | August 3, 2006 9:14 AM
SHE SAID DIRTY DANCING!!
Posted by: michele | August 3, 2006 9:16 AM
AVENGE ME!!!
harry dean stanton
see. you can't beat those movies
Posted by: the turtle | August 3, 2006 9:16 AM
my god
we are up to seven Mr. Patrick Swayze movies
see....
you know he is good.....
Posted by: the turtle | August 3, 2006 9:19 AM
ok, ok. I admit it.
I love Point Break.
And Youngblood.
But I refuse to call him Mr. Patrick Swayze.
Posted by: michele | August 3, 2006 9:21 AM
Clueless was a GREAT movie! I can't wait to try out Dan Hedaya's line from that movie on my daughter's first date:
"Hey you! Anything happens to my daughter, I got a .45 and a shovel. I doubt anybody would miss you."
Posted by: Jay | August 3, 2006 9:23 AM
I specialize in guilty film pleasures... check out the now defunct Brains om Film (pops) where I used to write some reviews.
As for personal favorites...
Hooper: How can you beat out the Hollywood powerhouse combo of Burt Reynolds AND Jan Michael Vincent. Throw in small roles for Terry Bradshaw and Robert Klein and you've got cinema gold.
If Footmen Tire You, What Will Horses Do (pops): This is an absolute classic from Ron Ormond (The Monster and the Stripper) that focuses on a communist invasion of East Tennessee brought on by a lack of Christian revival.
Any of the ILSA films... never before has softcore snuff been so sexay!
Lat but not least Batpussy (pops NSFW), possibly the worst porno film ever made. So bad in fact, that I make a personal guarantee that you cannot successfully rub one out to this film without assistance. if you've ever wanted to see a guy who looks like Jerry Reed get semi flaccid oral sex while delivering such lines as " I come home and you got beans and taters for dinner when all I want is hot pussy on the grill!" and "my horoscope says I'm going to fark you in the nose" this one is for you... and I haven't even covered Batpussy yet. I used to throw this one in the VCR just to see my friends squirm. I think that Something Weird Video still has copies of it.
Posted by: Matty (WankRag) | August 3, 2006 9:23 AM
nobody puts baby in the corner
Posted by: kali | August 3, 2006 9:24 AM
ok and apparently he was an uncredited dancer/extra in staying alive... another guilty pleasure film...
Posted by: kali | August 3, 2006 9:26 AM
How could I forget one of my all time favorite guilty pleasure? I actually own this DVD.
Posted by: michele | August 3, 2006 9:27 AM
Point Blank was just funny cause Anthony from RHCP blew his own foot off with a 12 gauge.
Little lesson for you all.
Selling out to the man = shooting yourself in the foot.
or maybe it was something else. Hell if I know.
/i think i should stop saying how much I hate that band
Posted by: the turtle | August 3, 2006 9:28 AM
ok and apparently he was an uncredited dancer/extra in staying alive... another guilty pleasure film...
Wow. My congratulations. It took guts just to admit you've seen that movie, let alone consider it a GP.
Posted by: Jay | August 3, 2006 9:31 AM
ok and apparently he was an uncredited dancer/extra in staying alive... another guilty pleasure film...
See dude
Mr. Patrick Swayze rules your world and you didn't even know it
Posted by: the turtle | August 3, 2006 9:31 AM
I don't know what to say, Kali. You have seen and enjoyed Stayin Alive.
*shakes head*
Posted by: michele | August 3, 2006 9:32 AM
I have three words of redemption for you, kali:
Herschell Gordon Lewis.
Posted by: Cullen | August 3, 2006 9:33 AM
Herschell Gordon Lewis.
with a name like that, you damn well know he got his ass kicked everyday at school.
might as well name him Mamaboy Kickmyass Takemylunch
Just to make things easier
Posted by: the turtle | August 3, 2006 9:42 AM
Herschel Gordon Lewis made some pretty kick ass movies(pops). Well, at least they sound kick ass.
The Gore Gore Girls, The Wizard of Gore, Miss Nymphet's Zap-In?? I need to find out more about this man and his films.
Posted by: michele | August 3, 2006 9:46 AM
hey babe
if I click on a link with a name like that, I might as well hand my man pass in before my finger hits the mouse
Herschel....
Posted by: the turtle | August 3, 2006 9:49 AM
Dude. He made a movie called She Devil on Wheels. Monster A Go Go. Two Thousand Maniacs.
He rules.
Posted by: michele | August 3, 2006 9:51 AM
he should have changed his legal named to "Shitkicker Kittykiller" then.
then maybe I might have watched
Posted by: the turtle | August 3, 2006 9:54 AM
HGL is one of my filmmaking heroes. His partner in crime David friedman did a great homage to Freaks entitled She Freak that is a must see as well.
"Have you ever had an Egyptian feast?" Fuad Ramses for President!
Posted by: WankRag | August 3, 2006 10:05 AM
Herschell Gordon Lewis is the godfather of gore movies. 2,000 Maniacs (upon which the band 10,000 Maniacs based their name) is particularly funny. Bloodfeast (the topic of a Misfits song) is good also.
Plenty of really, really, really bad acting.
Posted by: Cullen | August 3, 2006 10:19 AM
really?
see this is why I let Michele go on these type of things. She knows this stuff and I don't. But, I will check it out today.
Posted by: the turtle | August 3, 2006 10:26 AM
The Legend of Hell House and Shriek of the Mutilated, two of the very best really bad movies... evar.
Posted by: dave | August 3, 2006 10:43 AM
Dont forget 'Black Dog' starring Mr Swayze PLUS Mr. Randy Travis AND Mr. Meat Loaf!!
And don't forget Mr Swayze's phenomenal SNL dancning competition skit with Chris Farley!
Posted by: mrbandw | August 3, 2006 12:06 PM
And don't forget Mr Swayze's phenomenal SNL dancning competition skit with Chris Farley!
That is one of the funniest things I've ever seen on tv.
One ton of fan mail!
Posted by: michele | August 3, 2006 12:08 PM
if i have a boy i'm naming him Shitkicker Kittykiller
and i lurve me some troma films...
Posted by: kali | August 3, 2006 3:58 PM
What about Evil Dead 2 and Army of Darkness. You gotta love Bruce "Dont call me Ash" Campbell!
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THERE IS NOTHING GUILTY ABOUT EVIL DEAD MOVIES.
NOTHING.
by the way, evil dead is on IFC tonight at midnight est.
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