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The Fable of Turdburglar Cockpiece, the Dog with an Unfortunate Name
by A Guest Author
I have no idea how to introduce this story by Uberchief... Except to say that my neighbors didn't take too kindly to my joyous laughter echoing down the breezeway this morning, followed by my immediate coughing fit as coffee flew out of my nose and splattered on the table in front of me.... The older couple two doors down looked out their window and told me to be quiet... Here he is, Uberchief...
You know, this reminds me of the fable of Turdburglar Cockpiece, the Dog with an Unfortunate Name. Little Turdburglar loved playing with his friends, but they always made fun of him for his name. They made fun of him enough, in fact, that he began to hate his parents. After a particularly gruesome ribbing by Percy Porcupine, Turdburglar decided to go talk to Bird about his problem, as was the custom in those days.
"Bird," said Turdburglar, "why did my parents give me such a horrible name? I hate them for it."
"That's not very nice," said Bird. "Your name can't be that bad. What is it?"
"Turdburglar," said Turdburglar.
Bird scrunched up his little birdy face. "Wow, that is a pretty bad name. You know, this may be a problem that's too big for even me to deal with. But I have a friend who is good at this kind of thing."
Bird took a piece of bark from the tree and pecked and pecked and pecked. Then he gave that piece of bark to Turdburglar, who looked and saw that Bird had given him the phone number for Kyle Menendez.
The moral of the story is: if you need help solving a really tough problem, might as well head right to the source.