Musical Secrets of FTTW
by Turtle Jones

Enjoying the new FTTW?

We thought you would.

And it hasn't even begun yet.

But, since that is neither here nor there right now, let's have some fun. I'm on my last cigar and should prolly take a shower sometime today, so we thought we would make this an easy, fun post and be honest with you. Sure, you can see the mp3's and read about our lives and kinda get a feeling of who we are, but deep down, you really can't judge anyone by what they put in their site.

So what do we mean?

You look at us and think punk rock, fast cars, drugs and all that.

But until you really find what is in someone’s heart. What really makes them something called human? You have to look at what they think is a great piece of art, music or film and really, think about that when you see the image of them that is in your mind.

Reality is the new fiction these days.

What do I mean?

What is an album that no one would expect you would love?

turtle gets all weepy on you first.

First of all, any one of you from other sites prolly know I like a lot of different things. I mean come on, I always champion the cause of bringing Mr. Patrick Swayze’s career back into full swing cause well really, he is the most underrated actor of all time, but for music? Well, all I usually do is listen to punk rock or indy crap. It's why I always look better than Michele when we do the "What's Playing Now" part of FTTW. So, I'm good there. See, one of the advantages of that is I am usually only listening to fast stuff. So you guys all think I’m "cool" when we do that column.

But, as very few people know, there is an artist I have seen over twenty times in my life. Someone I go see in any town he is playing at. Hell, I make pre-show parties happen when he is playing. Very few people know the reason why I need to see him every time he is around.

Mr. Neil Diamondimg-diamond-neil.jpg

Ok. I'll be honest. I have seen Mr. Neil Diamond a lot times in my life. I first saw him as a kid. Under ten. Maybe seven. Shitty seats in shitty arena. Watching the crowd move did something to me. I could see these 50 year old groupies handing him flowers and just dancing away. I was a kid. Just some stupid metalhead watching the crowd all move at the same time. It did something to me. The power he held over the crowd. Not the music so much then. And no, I'm not going to be one of the people to tell you my first musically tastes were punk bands. That came much later in my life. But, at this time, just the way the audience moved and the way he had control over these people, did something to me. I didn't know the music. Just the power he had over everyone.

It was amazing.

But, it ended and soon after that, I forgot about him and moved on.

I used to go to dump yards with my grandfather every week to dump off whatever he was doing the week before in the yard. A 45 minute trip. Me, holding shovels and him, pounding back bourbon. But, there was always one thing on the old 8-track of this old beat up truck. Mr. Neil Diamond. My grandfather called it his dump music. I called it pure power. That's when I started listening to the lyrics. Man, Mr. Neil Diamond was either fucked up, fucked over, or falling in love in each song. Mr. Neil Diamond wore his heart on his sleeve. This was a man you didn't want to fuck over.

Or he would write a song about you and then the world would know what a bitch you were to him. Notice how he names the girls personally who have fucked him over, but when he loves a girl, it turns out to something like "Kentucky Woman?"

See this is my theory. He has been fucked over so many times; these songs are all a veiled threat to whomever he is dating.

"You fuck me over? I will write a song about you and put damn near everything in it about you except your parents address."

Mr. Neil Diamond took no prisoners.

Fast forward.

Years later when I was living in band houses with punk rock cranking all the time from some basement that was 8 inches too small to walk in much less have bands play, my secret was discovered. In a bad way. See here is the thing. Mr. Neil Diamond doesn't just write songs. He doesn't just sing fluff. When he sings, it is your life he is talking about. Each song has you in it. So, as a consequence, people coming home from a bar or a party or show, could tell the way I was feeling by the time they put the key in the door. And they would react appropriately by the song they heard.

"Solitary Man" - Turtle got fucked over by a girl.

Let's go to a bar cause seeing him laying on a sofa with a smoke in his mouth whacked out on some kind of drugs asking everyone "Why?" gets kind of annoying.

"Shilo" - Turtle got a phone call that one of his friends just died.c couch.gif

Let's go to a bar cause seeing him laying on a sofa with a smoke in his mouth whacked out on some kind of drugs asking everyone "Why?" gets kind of annoying.

"Cherry, Cherry" - Turtle got a phone call from a girl and is happy.

Let's go to a bar cause seeing him laying on a sofa with a smoke in his mouth whacked out on some kind of drugs saying to everyone "YES!" gets kind of annoying.

The list kind of goes on and on.

The basic point is here, if you come home and hear Mr. Neil Diamond before you open door, you better god damn know which song it is before you put your foot in the door, cause this might not be the best night for me.

Or maybe it could.

You never know with Mr. Neil Diamond. - T

Neil Diamond - Cherry, Cherry
Neil Diamond - Shilo

michele goes goth:

So this is about albums you wouldn't expect us to be listening to. You really have no idea what's in my mp3 folder, people. You would die of shame for me if you knew. We talk about punk rock a lot here. And I've talked about my love of heavy metal, especially speed metal. But I know some of you can see my "what's playing" thing on Google chat. And I know that someone out there right now is looking at that saying, what the fuck, she's listening to......

My Chemical Romance - Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge

Yea, it’s the dude with the make up. That one from that video. I’m Not Ok. He kind of looks like what would happen if Robert Smith ate the dude from AFI.

So you probably only know that one song and you’re thinking, my god Michele, you’ve really gone to the emo dark side. Pop punk new wave emo Hot Topic music. But really. This is no worse than my Cure phase. imsoemomylawncutsitself.jpgOr my Bauhaus phase. Hell, it isn’t even emo. It’s not even goth. It’s just good music.

I gotta say, I hate when people judge an entire album on the basis of one song that may or may not sound like radio-friendly angsty pop music aimed at 14 year old girls who like to draw scars on themselves with Sharpies and write MySpace odes to unrequited crushes.

Sometimes Three Cheers makes me feel like I’m 15 years old and sitting in my bedroom, wearing black pants and a black shirt and a black sweater and black sneakers and carving hateful words into the wooden desk by my window, wondering if life gets any better than this and if that guy I was pining for had any idea that my heart and soul were bleeding for him. Bleeding, I tell you! Or was that yesterday?

Ok, so maybe that Cure phase never really leaves you. Maybe there are times when I still want to dress in black (wait, I do that every day) and listen to some depressing love songs (wait, I do that every day) and write maudlin poetry (no, I don’t do that). But I swear to you, I never dated or pined for a guy who wore eyeliner. Goth/Depression chic was ok for me, but it was kind of lame on guys. It still is. Face powder? Lipstick? Mascara? If I wanted to a guy like that I would have stood outside the midnight showing of Rocky Horror and grabbed the first Frankenfuter.

Where was I? Oh, yea. This album is good. Get past the whole “I’m Not Ok” thing and dig into the rest of it. By the third song you’ll have forgotten that this band previously made you feel like Hot Topic barfed up its contents into your radio.

And honestly, I could have finally unleashed my love of Air Supply on you all here. Or Journey. Be glad this is all you had to be subjected to.

My Chemical Romance - You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Prison (Really, listen to this song. I promise you will like it. Money back guarantee)

So that's what we have going on in our "You would have never guessed this about us" musical rotation. What's in yours? Closet Journey fan like me? Own the entire Kidz Bop catalog? We're not talking guilty pleasures or anything like that here, just music that maybe flows against what pre conceived notions people have about what you listen to.

God, I hope it's not Kidz Bop. Or Madonna.


white stripes


Holy shit. Neil Diamond? I saw him at the San Diego Sports Arena in I think 1985 (I think I was 17). Funny. He's my secret, too. And Harry Chapin. My second kid was conceived to a Neil's Love Songs. But that was probably too much information, yes?

Where is that CD... now I want to hear it...


God this could be a long list, but I'll only list two.
Carol King - Tapestry
Carly Simon - Greatest Hits


Where is that CD... now I want to hear it...


Mr. Neil Diamond and his "Procreation Power" got you one night, I see

He has many powers


Mos Def, Black On Both Sides. The only rap album I own. Mathematics is the best rap ever written. Usually I give that to Still by Geto Boys because it's hilarious, but in all seriousness, Mathematics.


I am watching one of those stupid 70's music infomercials (hours of entertainment there) and I just thought of another one. Promise you won't hold it against me?

The Bee Gees. That hurt. Kinda.

You can pay in 4 easy installments of.... ooh! Disco classics. Gotta go!


I got three words for ya...

Mr. Fred Astaire...

Makes me feel like I'm walking on sunshine, I tell ya...


Alicia Keys - Both Albums

Soundtrack from De-Lovely

Depeche Mode - A lot of their stuff including house mixes. And I liked them before Violator so I know I'm real weird.

Kelly Clarkson - Breakaway

Pink - Try This. I love Pink.

Robert Miles - Dreamland

Roxette - Crash! Boom! Bang!
I have no idea what this is doing in my collection, or why I'm drawn to listen to it on occaission.

And I've said it before, ain't nuthin' wrong with Neil Diamond. Amazing writer.


my younger friends rag on me because i like My Chemical Romance. And i say "Shut up and turn down the '70s crap already!"

Neil Diamond i dig, too. My mom was big into him. People are surprised that i like KC & the Sunshine band.


neil rocks... fuck the haters.

and as a rabid hater of all things acoustic and female.. i mean a chick singer?... pulease... it's going to cut deep for me to say this.

for you to know that sometimes i like to play this album and sing it at the top of my lungs...

tori amos -- little earthquakes.

ok, there goes my street cred.




damn, kali, for a minute there i thought you were gonna say Ani DiFranco.


i will admit to liking the "fuck you" in untouchable face... that's as far as i go...

hey, what? i have a lot of dyke friends...


All of my music that people see and say "What the fuck???" comes from my parents. Pavarotti's Greatest Hits, Willie Nelson, and Jim Croce. Willie knows how to write a song. He's got a voice that sounds like a cat being raped while it's paws are caught in a paper shredder. But I love his lyrics. And, while I've never actually gone out and bought any of their stuff, my mom taught me just about every ABBA song there is. And I still know em after all these years. Surprises the hell out of everyone I know that I can sing those crappy songs. And with a smile on my face!


Willie's a badass... I grew up listening to a lot of old country and he definately ranks in the top 10. Abba, on the other hand... Let's just say where I grew up, they were popular. Very. Yes, I know all the words and no, I won't sing you "Fernando".


Patsy Cline. She's my honey.


Another vote for Carole King's "Tapestry".

The Knack: "Get The Knack"

Cheap Trick: "Live at Budokan"

Madonna: "Like a Prayer"

May Joey Ramone forgive me...


Leon Redbone

He puts on a great show.


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