Turtle takes a turn away from the Underground and LNT tonight:

People ask me a lot. Always the same question. Some many times I cringe when I hear it. "Why do you want to leave?" They could never get the answer if I explained to them. So why bother? Although I tried so many times to make them understand. I started giving up on those parties and leaving in the middle of the night. I know it sounds bad. But it is what I do.

The feeling of not showing up to a party dedicated to me and my goodbye parties dug at my heart, but I had to do it. I had to leave. Just one more town I could put on my check boxes of where I had lived. It sucks to start again, but this wasn't the first time.

In the middle of the night I would wake up. Not want to talk to anyone. And just go.

Everyone knew I was leaving. But they didn't know how I worked. I just packed my things and left. You can't explain why you are leaving to someone when you have no reason to be leaving. When you can't make sense of what you are doing and why you are doing it, it's not going to be easy to explain it to a friend.

The words "just cause" stop being words and turn into a mantra. Then they turn into a subtle expression of "just leave me alone."

I know it sucks to see someone you love leave. It's happened to me alot more than it has happened to you. But those words of "I'm only six hours away by plane" doesn't make the look in anyones face any better. They can see thru you. They know this is it.

But, as I say, never say never. Some day could be a day away and you wouldn't know it. But, as for right now, this is it. I've been dealing with this for months. You have been dealing with it for a few days.

So I guess in the end what I mean to get across is to not be sad that I'm leaving.

Cause I'm just happy to have met you.

Turtle is digging out of his California roots and heading for New York in a few days. This is for those he is leaving behind.

| Permalink | Del.icio.us It | Fark It | Digg It| Stumble It!