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My Life As A Big City Sandwich Board Wearing Doomsayer
It isn’t as easy being a big city sandwich board wearing doomsayer as you might think, for instance, I have to keep coming up with new things to write on the sandwich board. A big city sandwich board wearing doomsayer can’t get away with something as clichéd as ‘Repent! The End Is Near!’ - that may play out in the sticks but up here in the big league your average big city type won’t even bother breaking their stride to swing a kick your way with something as weak as that written on the sandwich board.
Although I do hope the end is near because I can’t wait for all those kickers to get what’s coming to them. And the spitters and the punchers and the pushers, too. The eternal fiery circles of hell are too good for the lot of ‘em if you ask me. Oh yeah, and the harassing cops and the puddle-driver-througher cabbies, they’re gonna burn too.
Although, I did try a micro-payment scheme for awhile where anyone could, for a couple of bucks, have a personalized doomsayer message on my sandwich board, and, for another buck or two, have their picture taken with it. It was big among the tourists for awhile but it never really took off the way I wanted it to and after the dot-com crash it was so hard to get VC financing and, boy, did I need the VC money - expenses are crippling in the big city sandwich board wearing doomsayer business. I go through a lot of raingear and waterproof chalk, after all, it’s not like people are going to stop being damned for all eternity because it’s raining out - that’d just be silly.
Willhelm shows up on FTTW weekly and will probably will see all you sinners repent. As long as we get some chips.