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You and Your Husband’s Rank
by Andrea Scott
What is all this crap with wives taking on their husbands’ rank? I’m going to hell for this article, so I might as well go out with a BALL OF FIRE, BABY! Here goes:
You all know or have met those wives whose sole purpose in life is to be there for their husbands? I’m all for choosing how you want to live your life, but in this case aren’t you living his? Now before you get all pissed and slash my tires, hear me out. I understand supporting your husband. The healthy support, though, like you get from your favorite bra or those spandex skinny shorts you wear on a night out when you’ve gained a few pounds on your tummy. By the way, I totally wore one of those the other night when I went out with my gal pal and I looked HOT! I’m not even talking about stay-at-home moms like my lovely neighbor who volunteer and take care of the kids. I’m talking about the women out there who say some bullshit to me like, “when we were a lieutenant.” UGH! What the fuck? Sure, we all go through the pains of military life WITH our husbands, but we didn’t sign an oath to the government, THEY DID!
Let me take you back to 2003. I was at a book club for wives on base. I generally despise functions where the only reason for getting together is to hang out with other wives of husbands your dumb husband works for. But what the hell, right? Makes for a good story. Anyway, so I’m at this book club and a lady says to me, “Are you in (I’m totally making up this name) Z367?” I was like, “No, but my husband is.” All innocent right? Inside I’m screaming at this wench and imagining wringing her neck. Sure, she was being nice, but I almost barfed all over my Antonio Milani black pumps. By the way, if you don’t have a pair of great four inch black pumps, stop reading this now and go buy a pair. Really, go NOW! Anything stupid you’ve done as a woman is totally null and void if you have great shoes. So this lady says to me, “No, silly, if your husband is in Z367, that means you are too.” By this point, I’m feeling really sorry for her and wanting to educate her on how to be shrew, but I realize this woman is totally happy with her life and why should I make her husband’s life miserable by informing her of the women’s rights movement? He’s a lucky bastard. I wish I had a wife like that. Who am I to mess that up for him? Haven’t we all heard ignorance is bliss? Bullshit concept, by the way, but whatever works for you.
So the next time you run into a woman like this, don’t pity her. Instead, think to yourself, “what do I have to do to get a wife life that?” In general this species of woman is harmless. Just make sure you have a barf bag handy just in case you have the urge to spew all over your new shoes.
Andrea is a military wife who looks stunning in spandex shorts and black pumps.
You wouldn't believe the number of women who would call our office and identify themselves as. Mrs. Col. Snuffy (Snuffy being whatever surname they actually possess).
Posted by: Cullen | October 28, 2006 7:16 AM
It's sad to see a woman completely lose herself in her husband's identity... What's wrong with being "the woman that puts up with Col. Soandso's shit" or Mrs. Soandso ? You don't see male military spouses referring to themselves that way... My mother never got it and neither did I...
Posted by: thefinn | October 28, 2006 7:25 AM
I don't recall my mother ever being this way. And yeah, what's with the whole Mrs. John Brown shit?? Give me a fucking break.
Good job, Andrea!
Posted by: shawna | October 28, 2006 7:57 AM
LOL I was shocked to find so many women and men who agree with me because I have only run into about three military wives who are like me. WE ARE TAKING OVER THE WORLD!
Posted by: Andrea | October 28, 2006 10:35 AM
Even though technically I have one, military wives have always terrified me.
Posted by: Kory | October 29, 2006 3:29 PM
Looks like a hell of a lot of people agree with you, screw the others :-)
Posted by: victoria coleman | October 30, 2006 5:14 PM
What really rags my ass, is when I am in the PX or something like that and some wife decides she needs to "correct" me. In one instance I had a USMC Sergeants wife tell me that I needed to tuck in my shirt on Okinawa. I turned to her and told her to kick rocks and quoted the order under which I was in the right. I assumed she was in the Military as she was so willing to correct some guy she never seen before in a PX. So I asked her what her name and rank was and she responded "my Husband is a Sgt and he is here with me, he will be glad to correct you Marine". I replied well that is fine, I am a Gunnery Sergeant (two ranks above a Sgt) please go get your husband I would like to have a talk with him. Turns out I had dealings with him in the past and we had crossed paths operationally so needless to say, she was quickly schooled as to what her position was when addressing people. I am not saying Military wives do not have a position in the military social hierarchy, but I am saying that they did not attend OCS, Boot Camp, or any other school that would make them worthy of assuming their husbands rank. I appreciate the military wife that know's her role and her husbands role but those who think it is cool to step out of line are complete tools.
Oh and Andrea Rocks(Though I have never met her)
Posted by: Brian | December 21, 2006 4:51 PM