by The Pop Culturista
Characterized by their obnoxious honking call of "that's Morpheus!" whenever the commercial for any Playstation Game airs, the Font Geek is incapable of actually being affected by advertising as they are more interested in the font choices involved than the actual message. The Font Geek refuses to use Times New Roman for body text, EVER, and will doggedly use Verdana or Tahoma instead, due to their lack of small pointy things. At least until it becomes easier to embed fonts in HTML, that is.
The Font Geek has over 1000 unzipped fonts sitting on their hard drive. They can only unzip a few at a time because the repetitious use of WinZip causes their brains to twitch and they invariably pass out. Therefore it will be the latter part of this century before they are done. Perhaps there will be an operating system in existence then that can handle more than 150 fonts at a time without slagging.
The Font Geek's fondest wish is for a freeware program that will both organize their massive collection of fonts and install them to their chosen program, without any interruption in their workflow. The key word here is "freeware."
The Font Geek is well known for it's devious nature. At one time the Font Geek was heavily recruited by the CIA, but every single Font Geek agent they sent overseas never came back. Research has since determined that when Font Geeks encounter fonts in unfamiliar languages, they lose all small motor control and wander around aimlessly until struck by lorries. Sadly, many rare and beautiful Font Geeks were lost this way.
It is sad but true, some Font Geeks will actually turn to the streets to satisfy their uncontrollable cravings. You can see them on street corners, their gaudily painted faces reminiscent of Edwardian Script ITC or Engraver's Roman Bold BT. This is the Font Geek at it's most pathetic, a sorry, scrabbling version of the proud creature that once roamed the halls of Design Schools across the world. Do not heed their pitiful cries of "please mister, I'll do anything for some Elphinstone!" or "come on, just one sans-serif, I'm really hurtin' here!" for you will only contribute to the dissolution of this proud creature.
Nothing can be done for the Font Geek turned Font Whore, they must want to help themselves to make the recovery. So few of them do.
If you encounter the Font Geek in the wild, approach with caution. Take special care to not be wearing articles of clothing with any visible logos and/or slogans lest you agitate the Font Geek and provoke them to attack. The attack of the Font Geek is truly terrifying, usually involving art markers and, occasionally if very unlucky, gouache. It is best to approach the Font Geek bearing some sort of offering. Chocolate is highly recommended. Just make sure it doesn't have any words printed on it.
Guest author Stacy collects fonts, but so far she has kept it from being an obsession. So far.