It’s My Day Off Today So I’m Having Fun, Football Style
by Michele Christopher
Hey. What’s this? More football?? Fuuuuckin a dude! Fuckin. A! It’s Friday and what the hell am I doing here on my day off? Shouldn’t I be out fighting the hordes, shoppin’ at the mall for Christmas presents or something like that?
Oh, yea, it’s my day off today so I’m having fun. Don’t tell anybody…
I’m still digesting multiple helpings of turkey dinner too. It’s official ‘Elastic Waistband Day’ around here. Hope you enjoyed the games yesterday and had a great holiday. The weekend’s just getting started and we’ve still got more exciting football games to look forward to.
Before I go out into the goddamn cold to put up the lights on the house and get an overpriced tree and all that humbug-inducing stuff, I thought I’d get in a little football talk for you guys, since that’s my job here at Faster Than The World. (Well, that and helping to push the ROOSTER SAUCE! Also known as Hot Cock Sauce. Enjoy!)
I’m not making any game predictions this time. I’m just too stuffed from yesterday. Feel free to help out in the comments and let us know what you think about the games.
Arizona at Minnesota – Minnesota came out of the gates looking like they might have been a legit contender at the start of the season, but they have tailed off as the season has gone on. They should still finish off the year in better shape than last season, so that has got to give some hope to Vikes fans. Of course, they’ve got to beat teams like the lowly Arizona Cardinals first…
Carolina at Washington – Carolina is in a full-on fight for the NFC South division with New Orleans. They need to beat teams like 3-7 Washington to stay on top.
Cincinnati at Cleveland – Cincy might have won their division last season, but right now, Cincy is clinging for dear life to their playoff hopes. Cleveland is a 3-7 team that is fighting for respect. Romeo Crennel is trying to instill the winning attitude into The Browns and that means they’ll be looking to spoil The Bengals playoff hopes.
Houston at N.Y. Jets – The Jets will be looking to keep pace with The Patriots in the AFC East and taking care of business against a 3-7 team like Houston will be imperative. With New England facing the 9-1 Chicago Bears, The J-E-T-S have a good shot to pull back within one game of The Pats, provided they get the win against Houston first…
Jacksonville at Buffalo – Jacksonville is another playoff hopeful facing another team looking to play the spoiler role and end the season on a positive note.
New Orleans at Atlanta – A very important game with big playoff ramifications on the line for both teams. New Orleans is faltering a little and Atlanta will look to take advantage.
Pittsburgh at Baltimore – Baltimore is looking to keep a hold onto that second round seed and get the bye week for the playoffs. This is a divisional game against a team that is still the Superbowl Champion. The Steelers will put up a fight but I expect Baltimore to come out on top.
San Francisco at St. Louis – San Francisco is still alive for a playoff spot. This is another divisional game and St. Louis is pretty much out of it at this point. I’m sure they’ll do their best to drag San Francisco down with them.
Oakland at San Diego – San Diego is en fuego right now after defeating the Broncos and taking over the top spot in the AFC West. Oakland is not a good team and San Diego will look to get on top early and then get their starters a little rest if possible.
Chicago at New England – This should be a very entertaining game. A lot of people are still on the fence with New England. The Pats have smacked around lesser teams this season, but are they capable of beating an upper echelon team like Chicago? Many people are still undecided and this game will provide the answer. The Pats have something to prove and are playing at home on the newly resurfaced artificial field at The Razor. There are playoff implications to this game as well with The Jets nipping at The Patriots heels for the division.
N.Y. Giants at Tennessee – The NFC East is now a race with The Giants tied with Dallas at the top of the division. Tennessee has a poor record but they have been knocking off some good teams, having just beaten The Eagles last week.
Philadelphia at Indianapolis – This was shaping up to be a great game until Philly QB Donovan McNabb screwed up his knee. Now he’s out for the remainder of the season. That is a shame. I was really sorry to see that happen to Donovan. Indianapolis was finally handed its first loss of the season last week. Thank you Dallas! That is a load off of my mind, knowing that the Colts will not go undefeated this year. Hopefully The Eagles will rally and hand Indy another loss. Peyton Manning can SUCK IT. Other than that I have no strong opinions about him…
Green Bay at Seattle – With San Francisco right behind them, Seattle needs to win this game to stay at the top of their division. Green Bay is looking to just stay respectable and bounce back from the drubbing they got at home last weekend at the hands of The Patriots.
Aiiight you guys. Have a nice weekend getting all Christmasy. Enjoy the games and your turkey sammitches. Don’t forget to throw some ROOSTER SAUCE on there to spice them up. It’s awesome!
I’m heading outside to put those fucking icicle lights up on my porch now, so have at it in the comments while I’m out there freezing my ass off.
Ernie is breaking FTTW law 321.12(a) by putting his Christmas lights up this early.