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Men, Women, and Careers by Andrea Scott
What is all this crap about women “having” to staying to home while the husband works? I’m sure this will be another favorite with my mother-in-law but what the hell, right? Granted, if a woman “wants” to stay home while her husband works, then more power to her. I don’t know what the hell she’d do all day if she didn’t have children though. I’d go nuts. What I don’t get is when a man refuses to let his wife work. What is that? The women’s rights movement wasn’t just a tea party we held for kicks, we actually meant what we said.
Not only does being in the military require you to move a lot, but it also requires you to be gone a lot. Our husbands go to war; they go on weekend stints to the field or detachments for weeks on end. This I see is the civilian equivalent to the travel time you spend with your job as a civilian, though maybe not quite as much or often. When he goes to Iraq for six months, I see this as the civilian equivalent as being on assignment or up starting a new branch of the company you work for. But let me enlighten you. NO ONE ELSE THINKS THAT WAY. Because I was having such a hard time finding a job where we were, I was miserable. Instead of making my husband miserable also, I decided to do something about it. I looked for jobs elsewhere in other cities and found one where my mother lived. I thought if I lived with my mother temporarily that I could work on my career while my husband Does anyone see the injustice in this besides me? My husband’s “job” requires him to leave for days, weeks, or months at a time and while I don’t complain. My “job” may require me to do the same but very rarely. My husband signed his life away to the military. I just married him. Of course I want my marriage to work, and I don’t want to be away from him, but where does it say that because your man is in the military you must forfeit all of your own dreams to stay at home and wait for him? It has also been my dream to become a column writer, which I’m doing now and I’m so excited about it. When I brought it up to my husband, I told him that I would be writing about our life and the military. I also told him that this column was not about him but about me. This is my dream and while it involves him, ultimately it is my call. What I love is when you share your excitement with your family, they ultimately give you their negative opinions. And here is what I have to say to that. Hold on to your butts because when I’m done with this world, I will have accomplished everything in life I set my mind to without regret, knowing what you think about me only fuels the fire (so put that in your pipe and smoke it). Andrea's mother-in-law has a pipe... and something to put in it now.
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Here is a sticking point with me. Being in the military is a career for some. This career requires that you move every year or every few years, which the government gracefully pays for. Your wife, if she works, must either try to figure out a way to transfer to another office or quit all together. This means at your next duty station she has to start basically all over again with her career if there is even a job to be had in her field or profession. She gladly does it, though, because she loves her husband.
works on his. Yes, I was creating distance that otherwise was unnecessary, but why is my happiness worth less for a choice that I made than my husband who also made a career choice?
Stumble It!
Comments
It's going to be very difficult to focus on your career and be a military spouse. I suggest getting a job (any job) on base. Once you have a government (GS) job, you are gold. Because once you are in the system, you can move laterally into jobs that you're qualified for uncompetitively. You have military spouse preference, which will help you get a job, and when you move with your husband, you will have priority in getting a new job wherever you go.
Worth looking into.
Posted by: Cullen | November 29, 2006 8:23 AM
Yeah they don't have positions with my kind of experience even though I get spousal preference. I'm working on it but I would like to stay in my field of marketing/advertising. :) Thanks for the tip.
Posted by: Andrea | November 29, 2006 11:05 AM
You're fiesty today girl! haha...I say whatever works for you and your husband is what matters :) You know me -I would love to stay home with children...my delimma is quite the opposite of yours...I would love to stay home and my husband says I can't yet! Hooooow ruuuude!! Haha...anyway, to each his own! Annnnd...."knowing what you think about me only fuels the fire (so put that in your pipe and smoke it)." HAHAHAHA...can I say I was literally laughing out loud!
Posted by: Letitia | November 29, 2006 5:02 PM
Oh yes, to answer what you would do all day if you didn't have children...man, I could dream up millions of projects to do that I don't have time to do now. I would clean the house, go shopping, work on my art projects, scrapbook, have lunch with my girlfriends that also don't work, plan parties, etc. etc. Hahaha...yep, that's what I'd do!
Posted by: Letitia | November 29, 2006 5:10 PM
Oh yeah, I might throw in a bit of traveling, volunteering, and church projects too! Oh dear, help, I can't stop thinking of things I would do with more time!
Posted by: Letitia | November 29, 2006 5:12 PM
You guys may be shocked to learn that I want to be a stay at home mom when I have children. that is my dream but not until then :)
Posted by: Andrea | November 29, 2006 5:13 PM
I don't think most women feel that they HAVE to stay home with their children anymore. And I don't even think most men feel that way either. Maybe that's just wishful thinking, though. Maybe I just got lucky in feeling that I was free to make that choice for myself.
Anyway, I second whatever works. I'm a firm believer in it. Some women stay home because they want to, some work because they want to, others work because they can't afford not to. It's great that you're able to decide for yourself what you want to do. Thank our mother's and their mothers ,but we can NOT thank your MIL, if that makes you happy ;), for that.
Good luck :)
Posted by: rsm | November 29, 2006 5:14 PM
I dunno -- I sure wouldn't mind staying at home. I think I could find things to do all day
Posted by: Kory | November 29, 2006 5:43 PM
I used to wonder about stuff like this but I never asked anyone.
If you're going to be in a relationship then you have to make sure that both of you are happy, you know?
Posted by: Dan | November 29, 2006 7:08 PM
I actually met a women recently whose husband would not let her work. Obviously if she wanted to she could tell him to shove it but she didn't. :) Either way...whatever works for you right? As long as you are doing what "you" want to do and not what someone else wants you to do.
Posted by: Andrea | November 29, 2006 7:14 PM
Dan I agree. I think though that you are ultimately responsible for your own happiness and sharing that with someone is the best part, but if you have to make sure that they are happy all the time when do you get to focus on you? It's all about compromise I think especially in my major. I have the best husband in the world. He's supportive and I'm supportive...we do it for each other because what is a marriage without it right?
Posted by: Andrea | November 29, 2006 7:16 PM
Exactly. It's got to go both ways, or else one of the couple is going to either waste away or go away.
Posted by: Dan | November 29, 2006 7:26 PM
Dan just it the nail on the head.
Posted by: shawna | November 29, 2006 7:44 PM
I love being a stay at home mom, now that my daughter is actually doing stuff. In the begining it was a little boring. I couldn't stay home if I did not have her, unless my husband was stinken rich and I could shop,"do lunch", shop, go to the spa etc. But I would not let him tell me I can't work. That is a sign of an abusive, controlling, dominerring man, and your friend needs to leave. Anyway.... Good nice article....good points. :)
Posted by: Kristy | December 2, 2006 11:55 AM