Smutty Haiku and Beer - Together at Last
by Michele Christopher

Ted Rhobe Rae was hospitalized early this week after a juror in his court case threw a midget and hit him in the nose, breaking it and fracturing his skull. He is expected to make a full recovery. Uberchief fills his shoes this week with some haikus and a beer review.


by Uberchief

Sex with animals.
It doesn't hurt anyone.
Except animals.


heavypettingzoobynofx.jpgOh pornography.
Girls get naked for money.
And have butt sex too.


I love petting zoos.
Except the one here in town
Has banned me for life.


Sometimes I jerk off.
Not because I am horny,
But because I'm bored.


The Playstation 2.
The controller says to me
"Stick me in your ass."


Strippers need respect.
I will give them my respect
With ten dollar bills.


I should be working
But I am surfing the web
My hands on my balls.

'Tis the Season

I woke up feeling like shit today, all thanks to my good friend Sierra Nevada Celebration Ale. That's right friends—it's that time of year, when alcoholics the world over can look forward to seasonal offerings from their favorite brewers.sierra.jpg My favorite American brewery, Sierra Nevada, releases this brew every holiday season, and each year, the first bottle is like opening a Christmas present. Now, I'm no beer reviewer, so I can't attest to the way the hops tickle the back of your throat, or how many fingers the head is if poured the correct way, but I can say this—this is a damn fine brew. Very strong, with an alcohol content approaching seven percent per volume, this is not your standard American beer. It has bite, from the initial blast when it hits your tongue, to the smooth aftertaste you can feel in your nose as it trickles down your throat. NOT FOR CHUGGING. This beer grabs you by the balls, spins you around, and sits you on your ass faster than you can pay the barkeep. We all love the holidays for different reasons: family, friends, people dressed like Santa and begging for donations in front of Wal-Mart. But for me, it wouldn't be the holidays without a nice, cold Sierra Nevada, whether shared with my dad, who first introduced me to the brew, or sipped after a hard day of work in the backyard, letting the cold winter wind force you to pull your jacket tighter around you, and sip your Celebration a little faster than you probably should.

Tell us at FTTW what your favorite seasonal beer, wine, or liquor is. We could all use more suggestions...

Uberchief is, by law, forbidden from seeking employment in the farming industry.



Sounds good I'll have to see if I can get some around here. My fav is from a local MA brewery called Wachusett Brewery. They make exceptionally good beers. The Octoberfest and Winterfest beers are great.

Ive found you have to be careful with seasonal beers though. I don't like the ones that put blueberries or wierd stuff like cinamon in the beer. No fruit in beer. Unless it's a Corona


I'm a fan of the Samuel Adams winter lager. 9 or 10 of those and I can't feel my legs.


Brookly Brewery does me in every year with their version of an Octoberfest Marzen... It's heady and a little wheaty and I can't get enough of it...

And an Iron Chef can do no wrong in my home... This one is difficult to find, but completely worth the effort.


don't drink that much beer
guinness when i need good head
killians sometimes

once i had some beer
i think it was raspberry
if it's got fruit, it ain't beer

/beer haiku!


I have a new favourite...


Bailey's Chocolate Mint

I'ts very good in Hot Chocolate, especially good in "After Eight"* Hot Chocolate.

Even better if you have a big ass mug of it at the Hockey game on Friday.


* I don't know if you can get this anywhere but Canada - It's chocolate (duh) mint flavoured. Easier to hide the bailey's smell.


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