Ted Rhobe Rae was hospitalized early this week after a juror in his court case threw a midget and hit him in the nose, breaking it and fracturing his skull. He is expected to make a full recovery. Uberchief fills his shoes this week with some haikus and a beer review.

Haikus
by Uberchief

Sex with animals.
It doesn't hurt anyone.
Except animals.

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Oh pornography.
Girls get naked for money.
And have butt sex too.

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I love petting zoos.
Except the one here in town
Has banned me for life.

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Sometimes I jerk off.
Not because I am horny,
But because I'm bored.

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The Playstation 2.
The controller says to me
"Stick me in your ass."

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Strippers need respect.
I will give them my respect
With ten dollar bills.

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I should be working
But I am surfing the web
My hands on my balls.
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'Tis the Season

I woke up feeling like shit today, all thanks to my good friend Sierra Nevada Celebration Ale. That's right friends—it's that time of year, when alcoholics the world over can look forward to seasonal offerings from their favorite brewers. My favorite American brewery, Sierra Nevada, releases this brew every holiday season, and each year, the first bottle is like opening a Christmas present. Now, I'm no beer reviewer, so I can't attest to the way the hops tickle the back of your throat, or how many fingers the head is if poured the correct way, but I can say this—this is a damn fine brew. Very strong, with an alcohol content approaching seven percent per volume, this is not your standard American beer. It has bite, from the initial blast when it hits your tongue, to the smooth aftertaste you can feel in your nose as it trickles down your throat. NOT FOR CHUGGING. This beer grabs you by the balls, spins you around, and sits you on your ass faster than you can pay the barkeep. We all love the holidays for different reasons: family, friends, people dressed like Santa and begging for donations in front of Wal-Mart. But for me, it wouldn't be the holidays without a nice, cold Sierra Nevada, whether shared with my dad, who first introduced me to the brew, or sipped after a hard day of work in the backyard, letting the cold winter wind force you to pull your jacket tighter around you, and sip your Celebration a little faster than you probably should.

Tell us at FTTW what your favorite seasonal beer, wine, or liquor is. We could all use more suggestions...

Uberchief is, by law, forbidden from seeking employment in the farming industry.

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