It Gets Cold. It Can Snow. It Might Sleet Or Rain. It's Football.
by Michele Christopher
Time for December Football. We’re hitting the stretch run of the season and over the next few weeks, it’s all about getting into the playoffs and then getting the best possible seed once you’re in. Teams that are on the wildcard bubble are going to be scratching and clawing for one of the two available spots in each conference.
This is the time of year where teams start to gear it up. You want to be playing your best football at this point and ratcheting it up every week as the playoffs get closer. This is also the time of the year when the weather starts to go down hill and that can give a decided advantage to the teams that are used to playing in lousy conditions. It gets cold. It can snow. It might sleet or rain. For any game, any week in December, it can be generally crappy out. Unless you play in a dome (pussies).
Teams like New England, Green Bay, Chicago, The New Yorks, Pittsburgh, Philly, Cleveland, Denver… these teams love it when they have a dome team or a Florida team on their home schedule this time of year.
If those Southern and Dome teams were smart, they’d mix in some ROOSTER SAUCE into their Gatorade when they’re playing in the Northern Climbs, because that shit will warm you right up. I put it in my Pho soup and I don’t even need to wear a jacket afterwards.
(It’s like a personal challenge for me to get some kind of Rooster Sauce mention in every week now. If Turtle gets a free bottle, I’m going to start mentioning Dodge Challengers next.)
On to the games:
Baltimore at Cincinnati – Baltimore wants to maintain their position at the 2 spot in the AFC. Cincy’s looking to get into the playoffs with the Wildcard. (I feel like I’ve been writing this phrase a lot lately.) Playoff hopes are on the line. What else is new? I’ll take Baltimore.
Arizona at St. Louis – I feel obligated to write something about this game. Something.
Atlanta at Washington – Mike Vick flipped off the home fans after last weekend’s loss. Smooth. I generally like Vick but that was an ass-hat move. It’s bad enough you’re team is losing, then you flip off the people that are paying $$$ to come and see you play? Fuck you Mike.
I guess it could be that Mike Vick was actually giving his fans The Supersuckers Salute and if it turns out that is the case, I take it all back. Otherwise, I’ll take Washington, just out of spite.
Detroit at New England – New England traded turnovers with Chicago last weekend and came out on top. They’re still looking to move up out of the 4th seed in the AFC. That means laying the smack to lowly teams like Detroit.
Indianapolis at Tennessee – Tennessee is knocking off good teams left and right. Let’s hope the trend continues, until week 17 that is. (I think you can figure out who they’re playing that week.) In the meantime, I’m taking the Titans, just because picking against The Colts is what I do.
Kansas City at Cleveland - Kansas City needs this win to keep the pace in the AFC West and hold onto an AFC Wildcard spot at the very least. Something is telling me there will be an upset here. Not sure what it is, but I’ll take The Browns. Is this my crazy pick of the week? You betcha!
Minnesota at Chicago – Chicago is back to the friendly confines of the inferior NFC, where they should be able to take care of Minnesota at home.
N.Y. Jets at Green Bay – Ok. I have a feeling one of FTTW’s editors / co-founders is having fits with this game. If you happen to be a J-E-T-S and a Packer fan, who do you root for? I would have to think your home team wins out in the ‘who to root for’ department. If not, I’m not sure what to think.
San Diego at Buffalo – Buffalo is a tough place to play in December. It’s cold, windy and can snow at the drop of a hat. Buffalo is a middle of the pack AFC team taking on one of the league’s elite. I don’t think all the snow in the world is going to prevent The Chargers from taking a win in this game.
San Francisco at New Orleans – I’ll take the Saints in this one. As you can see I am really interested in this game.
Houston at Oakland – A 3-8 team vs. a 2-9 team. Oakland just switched offensive coordinators. Better late than never I guess. I’ll take Oakland even though I still hate them.
Dallas at N.Y. Giants – Bill Parcells returns to N.J. in the hated Cowboy colors. That has got to drive Giants fans out of their minds nuts. Of course, N.Y. will make Dallas wear the unlucky ‘darks’, also known as The Cowboys’ ‘Blue Uniform’. Dallas is on a roll and with Philly out of the picture, it is basically a two team race in the NFC East. N.Y. needs this win to stay in it or Dallas will start to pull away. Did I mention that Dallas QB Tony Romo is reportedly banging Jessica Simpson? That son of a bitchin bastard! That’s almost as big a kick in the nuts as when I heard that Derek Jeter was defiling Jessica Beil. These millionaire athletes need to keep their mitts off of my fantasy ladies. Yes we’re mixing in a little gossip with the football here this week. I’ll take Dallas and their lucky QB. One more thing… Bill Parcells fired that idiot kicker Mike Vander-jackass earlier this week. Ha ha!
Tampa Bay at Pittsburgh - Does it make me a bad person if I say that I don’t care about this game? Sorry. I guess I’m just a dick.
Seattle at Denver – Denver should be able to handle Seattle at home. They are in a tailspin over the last few weeks after falling from 1st place to 3rd place in the AFC West over the course of one week. Cincy, The Jets and Jacksonville will all be hoping for Denver to falter here. I will be too, to be honest, but I still think Denver wins.
Carolina at Philadelphia – I’m going to take Carolina here. I really feel bad for Philly fans having lost Donovan McNabb for the season.
Ok that’s it. Have a great Friday and a great weekend everybody. Did you get your Christmas tree yet? Make sure get on it before the games start on Sunday.
When not watching football, Ernie enjoys Rooster Sauce and is always willing to accept free bottles from his fans. Gmail in pro.