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we have a date with the underground, chapter 34
by Michele Christopher
I'm from California. That's pretty much there is to say about how I feel about the weather. Anytime anyone around here asks me if I am cold, the only answer I usually give is "I'm from California."
That means "Why yes, I think this place is cold."
The reason I bring this up is because I don't live in California anymore. And I have come up with a theory. Everywhere else in the world is too fucking cold. That's all I have to say about this one. The shitty part is that bands have to tour in any kind of weather. Like fucking mailman, we must go through. I remember looking at these press pics from bands on the East Coast. They all were wearing Levi's and short sleeved shirts. Well, I am here to say that is bullshit. This place is cold. I think all those shots were to fool people like me into touring the East Coast. It is just a theory thou.
I was talking to a friend last night about New York. He told me that now I know the difference between touring through a state and living there. How I have lost all of my ability to put on a jacket and move to a warmer town the next night. I am stuck. In the old days, I would be cold for four or five months but at the end of the road, it is wife beater and shorts time. But, that is over now.
That was my personal bitch about the cold. I don't know if I was extremely lucky passing through all your states and countries in the past to have just not hit any real cold times or if I was just too high to care, but man, now that I am here, all I can say is this sucks. Even my Converse are cold. And that is not cool.
I mean really, what do you guys do before a show when it is snowing or raining? I know I am inside half asleep or drunk, but you guys are outside. Right? At least that is the way it goes in warmer places. People sit out in the cars or in the line drinking beer to get in. I've sat in a line to get into a movie around here and it only took like ten minutes before I wanted to go home.
Am I a pussy? Maybe.
Am I a Californian? Yes.
I used to be so bad that if I rolled into your town and it was raining, I automatically thought the show was going to suck. Automatic response. Standing outside in the back when a raindrop hits me? No one will be there. The show will suck. No one will come out in the cold to see us. But when the place packs out, you really have to think to yourself that these people are in this weather everyday. They always come to shows stinking like wet dogs and when you complain about the very thing that they live in everyday, you kind of sound like a pussy. Well, you do sound like a pussy. Don't go in Oregon or Washington and complain about the rain. They have seen it for the past few weeks straight.
I have always wondered about those bands who are used to playing leaky clubs and snowy places. What happens when they play San Diego or god forbid, Tijuana? Do they like swell up and explode? Too much warmth? When I got too cold on tour, I just went into hibernation mode. Pulled up a blanket and hid out in some corner of the club.
But what would they do when it is too hot?
I've played shows with wet gear and I've heard all the stories about people getting electrocuted and really, it has never bothered me to hear about so and so dying back in '72 because someone tossed a bottle of water on him when he was playing his guitar solo.
Tell me that and the first thing I think is "That's pretty cool, man." But then again, it would probably suck. But it would be kinda funny. Well, just a little.
Snow really makes you not want to come back to a town. Nothing good ever comes from snow. If you ever think snow is pretty, try unloading a shitload of equipment at 4;30 in the night with a fading whisky buzz on. You will remember that night and it won't be because the snow was god damn pretty.
Snow is evil and hateful. Snow hates all of us.
For some strange reason, people from sunny climates turn into some kind of stunt drivers when the snow hits. I don't know why. Words spring forth from their mouths. Words like "let's spin this fucker!" or "I'm going to pull the e-brake!" come out of their mouths.
It is truly a sight to behold.
One thing I have learned from snowy towns is that people who see snow everyday don't think it is that funny to get hit with a snow ball.
Myself, on the other hand, think it is hilarious.
But I still hate snow. - T