What's On: Kung-Fu and Mexican Dinosaurs by Michele Christopher
It happens. Things will get back to normal when the first of the year comes around but for now, expect some hit or miss days with LNT. Every time I say that, by the end of typing, we are pretty happy with what we did, but just getting those first words out is like taking a shit filled with glass. You have to do it. You don't want to do it. But damn, it sure feels good to get out. I wandered off topic again. Anways. Today's topic was inspired by a little pastime I like to partake it. Tonight's topic? What have you been watching lately? That's right. Whatever you have been watching lately. Whatever you are into right now. Pretty easy. Turtle searched for the one armed boxer. Jeez, after I reread the whole intro, it kinda sounded like she caught me masturbating, which in fact, she did not. I masturbate quite openly and publicly. God gave me hands to play with my body and I treat the fucker like a playground. So I ride. Ride on. This should be pretty easy since it was kinda funny when Michele discovered my dark secret. I get bored and watch a lot of crap TV. So here I was. Bored as fuck and waiting to do something. Then it came on. I don't know which one, but I knew it was one. And it turned out to be a pretty cool one. The Master of the Flying Guillotine Oh yes. This movie had it all. A blind man with a hat that really was a head chopper. His super hearing could find anyone. And when he heard you move, the guillotine would come a' choppin'! This deadly and impractical weapon looks much like a Ching-era hat with a saw blade brim and a long chain attached. The user throws the weapon with practiced precision onto his victim's head. A chain netting with blades at the bottom drops down and one quick pull severs the head. Best of all, it collapses for easy carrying while traveling. That's cool. That is what martial art dreams are made of. But you say "turtle! Slow down! I can't take much more of this coolness in just two short hours!" Ah yes. Tis cool. But it gets better. The blind man was sent to avenge the deaths of his two disciples. The only things he knows about the killer is he only has one arm and his name. "The One Armed Boxer." Now normally, I wouldn't see this being a problem. I mean hell, how many times to you run into a one armed man at martial arts tournament, right? The fools. Like I really care about them anyways. Let them die. I just wanted to see these heads go flying off. It was almost magical the precision this old man had. He would just unchain it and throw! Heads come off. It was truly a sight to be seen. And really kind of funny. In the end the good guy wins. Someone got laid. Who is the good guy? Who got laid? I'm not going to ruin it for you. Well, since we started this magical journey of what crap movies I watch, I decided to grab one of the rare gems I had on DVD and pop that sucker in. The God of Cookery If you haven't seen this one. You have to. It isn't really a true martial arts movie. It's more just, well, balls out weird. It revolves around a "god" who really is just a TV show guy who doesn't know how to cook. If you haven't got it by now, it is a comedy. Weird comedy and I am not smart enough to go into the details of how it is reflecting a throw away society that values a person's place and position in society rather than how "good" a person really is. I don't know. Turtle just pawn in big game of life. Surprisingly, no one dies here. Really. In my book, the only good movie has at least ten kills. And not just knock downs either. The "I am dead" blood must come out of their mouth. Cause that's how you know they are really dead. Blood is trickling down their mouth. They aren't moving. They must be dead. Well this one doesn't have that. Even a few people I thought were dead ended up coming back at the end. Usually, this would rate bad in my book but what the fuck. The best part of this movie is when everything is explained in ten minutes. The whole movie made sense when all was revealed. Something you could really never guess happened. But, I am not at liberty to say. Cause Michele feel asleep in the last ten minutes and missed it all. Her Kung Fu was weak. - T Michele turns on her box: I went for a long time without turning the tv on much. It's not that I'm a "no tv" snob or anything, there was just nothing on that interested me. Or maybe I was just in a funk and nothing interesting was going to interest me anyhow. I'm back to watching tv again. Oh, my little idiot box friend, how I missed you. 700 channels of mind-numbing bliss. So what have I been watching? Cash Cab: I love this show. There's something about watching people being put on the spot intellectually. It's not like Jeopardy where they actively tried to get on the game to show off their smarts. This is all about spontaneity and maybe, if you're lucky, getting to watch some drunk guys or a couple of girls with a combined IQ of 72 try to answer questions that should be easy. There is nothing as rewarding after a hard day at work than sitting in front of the tv yelling "HOW COULD YOU NOT KNOW WHAT THE SUNSHINE STATE IS YOU GOD DAMN JACKASS??" Sucker Free on MTV: Well, I don't so much watch this as let the remote rest on the channel for a few minutes each day. Why? To ensure that my home remains sucker free, of course. We put this on, wait about thirty seconds and sure enough, turtle will say "Kick ass, we're sucker free, baby." Little House on the Prairie: You had to know this would be here. Can't have turtle in the house and try to bypass this one as you're racing the remote from 2 to 821. He always knows. "You just passed Little House! Don't think I didn't notice!" Fine. I roll backward to TVLand and wait to get lectured on the current episode. Yesterday, he told me the ending at the beginning. What the hell? If you're gonna make me sit there and watch this crap, don't spoil it for me by telling me that the fat kid makes friends with everyone in the end. And who the fuck is Nancy? What happened to Nellie? I Shouldn't Be Alive: No. You shouldn't. You're a fucking moron. It's too bad that when the show starts out I already know that you survive. It makes rooting for Mother Nature a lot less fun. See, this is why you don't do things like go hiking in the wilderness or explore the African Bush or look into the face of a volcano. Bad things happen. I will never have the opportunity to be on an episode of this show because I am smart enough to just sit on my ass in my house and watch shows about people exploring bush. You go on ahead and defy Mother Nature and the odds by going where man was not meant to go. You go ahead and drive into that snowstorm, big guy. I'll be looking for you on a future episode. I love that you provide such entertainment for me.
So that's what I have been watching. Plus the usual Adult Swim fare. As you can see, my television viewing is of the highest caliber. I defy you to tell me any different. Hey, at least I'm not watching Dancing With the Stars. Yet. -M So that's it. That's what we have been watching lately. Sure, some are bad, but really your bad movie could be someone elses great movie. Pretty deep there, eh? Or maybe not. So the question now is what you been watching lately? |
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Comments
I've been watching pro-wrestling.
Monday Night 9-11 WWE Raw
Tuesday Night 10-11 ECW
Thursday Night 9-10 TNA IMPACT
Friday Night 8-10 WWE SMackdown
THough i believe after this week I'll cut it down to just thursday night.
If you see someone shaking like they've got the DT's muttering "why vince mcmahon, why?" Just ignore me and keep walking
Posted by: Travis | December 14, 2006 1:43 AM
I've been watching South Park and Kids In The Hall because that's what's on when I get home. Reruns from those shows never get old. I've seen those Starvin Marvin episodes a lot though, I could take a break.
Posted by: Dan | December 14, 2006 7:35 AM
Scrubs. Scrubs. All the time Scrubs. It's syndicated on like 4 networks here, and if I had my Tivo set up to record them all, I'd get like 9 episodes A DAY.
ooh, speaking of which, new episode on tonight.
Posted by: baby huey | December 14, 2006 8:14 AM
he has long arms. forgot to say that. told you this movie kicks ass
Posted by: long armed turtle | December 14, 2006 8:14 AM
I like 24 and Overhaulin. Other than that I watch sports.
Posted by: President Logan Sucks | December 14, 2006 9:50 AM
I love 24. Once January comes around, Monday night belongs to Jack and Chloe.
Posted by: michele | December 14, 2006 9:56 AM
I would let every night belong to Chloe. The pasty geek sex we'd have is getting me a little riled up as I'm writing this...
Posted by: baby huey | December 14, 2006 10:34 AM
as an Offical Member of the Chloe O'Brian Fan Club, I will ask you not to talk that way about Mary Lynn Rajskub
only we can
cause we know the secret handshake
Posted by: turtle | December 14, 2006 10:50 AM
cause we know the secret handshake
oh, i know her secret shake, but she doesn't shake your hand...
Posted by: baby huey | December 14, 2006 10:52 AM
Somebody needs to get Baby Huey out to Vegas I think
Posted by: Mike Novick | December 14, 2006 11:11 AM
Somebody needs to get Baby Huey out to Vegas I think
Haha! i don't get it
I'm going there for my birthday, I think.
Posted by: baby huey | December 14, 2006 11:20 AM
too many kids in vegas
i like my gamblin towns dirty.
even the circus circus in vegas is clean. wait. is it still there?
i like the casinos where you can still feel grease on the chips from the last guy who had them. Buffet style chicken chow mein and dollar beers. Sitting at the nickle slots for free drinks when you are down to your last buck. Stealing a bottle of vodka and just walking around the streets yelling at ferners.
god, i miss reno
Posted by: turtle | December 14, 2006 12:03 PM
i like my gamblin towns dirty.
AC is only a few hours away for you now... And it's greasy as all get out...
Torchwood, Doctor Who reruns and Adult Swim are currently occupying my available TV time, which isn't much.
Posted by: thefinn | December 14, 2006 12:29 PM
Being too cheap to pay for cable and Internet, I've been watching videos illegally posted on YouTube. There's a great series of Bill Hicks doing standup in Montreal.
Posted by: Philbrick | December 14, 2006 3:51 PM
Cash Cab is a good show as long as there aren't a gaggle of women screaming bloody "WOOOOOOO" after every answer. Irks me, it does. Good host and format though.
I watch Miami Ink, even though I think tattoos look lame and I'll never get one. Interesting to see just HOW lame sometimes I guess. Yes, yes, get the chinese charactes for "all access" suspended over your ass crack. Super choice. You rock.
I watch those paranormal (ghost) investigation shows, even though I think it's all ridiculous. It's kind of funny to see people's imaginations run off the deep end. Celebrity Paranormal Project on VH1 is the height of silliness.
Posted by: Midgard | December 14, 2006 4:54 PM
Well, my roommate's been watching old A Team reruns and I've found myself watching one or two of those with her.
Tonight I'll be watching The Office and Scrubs. There's always The Daily Show and Colbert Report.
Oh, and I've just started to get the third season of Nip/Tuck through Netflix, so there's that. The show's ridiculous, but it's entertaining, as well.
Posted by: Joel | December 14, 2006 6:05 PM
Hey Midgard, a lot of those paranormal shows are shitty but some are great, you know? The Scariest Places On Earth was a great show. MTV's Fear kinda sucked. Anything with that white haired British dude is automatic shit as well.
Posted by: Dan | December 14, 2006 6:45 PM
Yeah, "Scariest Places" is pretty entertaining.
If you didn't see Hugh Laurie on SNL mocking the Travel Channel's "Most Haunted", check it out. It's pretty funny.
Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ridzYYNFO6I
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Posted by: Midgard | December 14, 2006 7:48 PM