Day of Portraits
by Shawna Black

It’s January but it’s not cold like it should be this time of year. The sun set about 5:30 or so this afternoon. Rain fell earlier today and then the sky cleared somewhat. As the sun set, the sky was most beautiful. The light was warm and soft and red.

I attempted to take pictures of the kids in this beautiful, natural glow of the end of the day.

Yeah. Let’s see how far I got.

I started with Kaiya, who insisted on wearing her purple parka even though it was 51 degrees. She’s been a little punky this week since being diagnosed with a double ear infection on Wednesday and then having to endure the invasion of a newborn baby on Friday. (Remember the portrait of Wendy and Jayden from a few weeks ago? Baby Jayden had her first half day with Mr. Marty on Friday. And don’t worry – the ear infection is bacterial and not contagious.)


It’s apparent that Kaiya will have no part of the picture taking tonight, despite the beautiful light that we have been given. What am I gonna do with this two-year old?

No other choice but to move on to my other two spawn.

The boys, Jake and Riley, are so much more accommodating because they understand that mom has a deadline and has procrastinated yet again and the light is good and the little sister won’t cooperate and they know that if they want dessert tonight they’d better be the little angels that they pretend to be and give mom some good shots.

So I got this.


Don’t ask me if they have the same father because right after I tell you to fuck off, I’d tell you that they do indeed have the same father.

So, then I decided to do my first ever self-portrait. Yeah, first ever. This picture was totally manipulated in Photoshop. I asked Riley if the picture looks like me. He said 60/40 – 60 me and 40 “something else”. Not “someone else”, yet “something else”.


I thought about taking a picture of Dad’s goatee, which I found in a pile in the bathroom drawer tonight. All four inches of it. But it looked kind of gross, like a severed limb or something…

And we’re supposed to get snow tonight but no “accumulation”. The boys are pissed.

Shawna has her own, natural glow.



As long as there were no attempts to put said goatee in your ear, I think everything will be OK with the world.



He shaved his goatee and then put the remnants in the drawer?


Cullen, that's funny!

Yeah, Michele. Over the years, I've learned not to ask. I suppose it's no weirder than me saving all three kids' belly button stumps after they fell off. They are all in a jar.

OK, now that I've written that out, it does sound kinda gross. I cant possibly be the only one in the world who's done this, though.

Right? RIGHT??

Maybe I should take a picture of them.


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