Help this, Motherfucker!
by Baby Huey

A while back, Turtle challenged me to do a Dishful of Metal based on jazzing up Hamburger Helper. Far be it for me to back down from a challenge. I went at it, and I set some rules of my own to make it harder.SexAndLoveWithRussianWomen1.gif

I had to do it with Hamburger, Chicken, and Tuna Helper. I couldn't spend more than $5 on each dish to jazz it up, cause come on. Most people eating Tuna Helper aren't gonna be able to afford to substitue lobster, right? I made a couple of assumptions -- specifically, that you would have the following ingredients on hand (and therefore, not count against the $5 limit):

- Fresh garlic
- Fresh lemons or bottled lemon juice
- Rooster sauce (cause, come on. It's FTTW.)

Hamburger Helper

1 Box Cheeseburger flavored Hamburger Helper

1 green bell pepper, cut into strips (approx $0.69)
2 cloves garlic, minced
1/2 c sour cream (approx $0.99 for a 1 c container)
1/3 c fresh cilantro, chopped (approx $0.79 for a bunch that yeilds about 2 c)

In a large skillet, saute the bell pepper and garlic with the ground beef. Cook the helper according to the box's instructions. After it's finished, add the sour cream, cilantro, and some rooster sauce if you're feeling feisty. See how easy this is?

Tuna Helper

1 Box Creamy Pasta flavored Tuna Helperrussian-bride-shocking-truth.jpg


1 8 oz jar marinated artichoke hearts, quartered (approx $1.99)
1/2 c prepared pesto sauce (approx. $2.49 for an 8 oz container)
juice of 1 lemon (approx 2 t of bottled juice)

Cook the helper according to package instructions. Stir in the additions at the end. Done.

Chicken Helper

1 Box Chicken Enchilada flavored Chicken Helper


1 chipotle chile, chopped ($0.99)
1 c shredded cheddar cheese ($1.79 for the bag)
1/2 c Fritos, crushed lightly ($0.89 for a snack-sized bag)
chopped cilantro if you have some leftover from Hamburger Helper night

Prepare according to the package directions, adding the chipotle when you add the liquid. At the end, add the cheese and Fritos, and stir to combine/melt the cheese.

They're really that easy, folks. If I may make one suggestion, though, from experience: DO NOT, under any circumstances, make all three of these on consecutive nights. You will pay if you do.

072.jpgFor my first metal review of the new year, I'm going back a bit, because I
haven't really gotten anything new yet at the station.

Dream Theater - Score: Live with the Octavarium Orchestra
Rhino Records

This 3-CD album (or 1-DVD live concert) is from the last show of the band's 20th anniversary tour (hence the title) that took place in April at Radio City Music Hall, and is a fairly representative sample of the band's history. While it focuses mostly on their latest studio album, Octavarium, selections reach all the way back to their 1989 DreamTheater debut, When Dream and Day Unite (I know what you're thinking, 2006 - 1989 < 20, but from 1986 to 1989, they were known as Majesty). This album really doesn't feature a lot of their heavier numbers, but focuses more on the orchestral, ballad-like, and dare I say poppy, tracks. The second 2 discs feature a full orchestra (we're not talking NY Philharmonic sized, but it's fully instrumented). The two hella long songs, Six Degrees of Inner Turbulence (clocking in at 42 minutes) and Octavarium (24 minutes), are cool concept pieces that are actually closer to one-act rock operas and are among my favorite songs of theirs of all time.

Baby Huey has a way better memory than me cause I don't remember this, but what the hell. I'll cook something up - Turtle



I have been lusting over this album/DVD for some time. I think it's time to break down and buy the thing. DT is easily my current favorite band.



i am still going with lasagne helper, rooster sauce and some wonder bread as the best

maybe a twinkie for dessert

and a diet Tab.

I am a purist


Cullen, if you like their heavier stuff, I much prefer their Live at Budokan DVD. However, if you're like me and a 'tard for having a complete collection, it's definitely worth picking up.


Turtle, you're the whitest person I've ever heard of. Ever.


You should see him dance.


/is a tard

This is all I'm missing right now.

My favorite live performance is the Scenes From a Memory show, and that's still my favorite album.

Do you have Petrucci's solo album?


You should stay away from any of the Helpers that call for milk in the recipe.

That shit gives me a wicked stomach ache.


I don't think it was the milk that was giving you a stomachache... I'm pretty sure it was the Helper...


Nice job adding some extra spice to The Helper.


michele, stop being a wuss. all of these have milk in 'em. finn's right. it's the helper.

ernie, the helper doesn't need much help, but thanks.


cullen, i don't have it, but i want to get it. james labrie's solo one is pretty good too.


i can dance, dammit


//i can dance, dammit//

If you dont, nobody will


"i can dance, dammit"

can you leave your friends behind?


what a great band.

and they employed midgets!


why does everyone have to look at their hands?


why does everyone have to look at their hands?

for SAFETY... duh


they were canadian



Fuckin right, Canada sucks eh?

*Looks at hands with a knowing and handier-than-thou visage*


Thank you all for putting "Safety Dance" in my head because doodoodoodoodaloop... I was heading down the road feeling hungry and cold, I saw a sign that said food and drink for naturally I thought I would...take a look inside...

I almost had THAT stuck in my head all night.


eXTReMe Tracker