Baby Huey wonders--

Wait, what the fuck is THIS?

I have excellent taste in music, and I'm not afraid to tell you that. I also have a buttload of hard drive space -- about a terabyte between all my computers. It's kind of hard to justify deleting anything I've got on my machine.

When it was suggested we go through our CD collections, and find shit that embarrasses us, I was presented with a serious problem: all my CDs kick ass. Seriously. I don't pay for CDs anymore, so when I get promos from labels that suck, I just give them away and only keep the stuff I like. What was I going to write about? Then it hit me. While I will give away CDs like they're candy, I never delete MP3s. Time to fire up my filesystem and see what pap has been on there for years.

Boy oh boy, did I hit the jackpot. I found 2 CDs that not only suck, they suck so bad that I will break my normally tolerant (heheh, good one, right?) form and mock you mercilessly if you are caught with it entering your earholes. Keep in mind that I haven't actually listened to these in forever. I checked the stats on them, and the last acccessed time for either of those albums was 2005, which is when I upgraded my server.

Let's bring on the shame spiral, shall we?

Hoobastank

I blame my friend Brad for this. Junior year (or thereabouts) of college, he tells me about this up-and-coming band that's gonna turn the metal scene on its head. I'm intrigued, as he usually has decent taste in music. He sends me a zip file with the album in MP3. I unzip it and look at the title. Hoobastank? HOOBASTANK? That's not a band name, that's a fucking euphemism for feminine odor.

Whatever. Metal bands are not known for their poetry. I put the album on and HOLY FUCK IT'S TERRIBLE. It's whiny. It's poppy. It's that mix of pseudo-acoustic and pseudo-heavy that no one, no matter how hard they try, can pull of, because it's lamer than FDR's legs. And yet, for whatever reason, I didn't delete it.

I bet you thought I'd learn from that experience, wouldn't you? Read on...

Ra

Named for the Egyptian sun god, I was interested in hearing them after Brad told me about them (after ragging on him for hours for the Hoobastank debacle). I mean, Nile sings about Egypt, and they kick fuckin ass, right? Anyway, he sends me their first album, From One, and I put it in.

The first song, "Do You Call My Name?" is kinda lame, but I gotta admit, it was kinda catchy (I still think it is. In fact, I'm pretty sure it's in my iPod's workout mix). After that though? HORRIBLE nu-metal. That hybrid of rap and rock that is just. so. terrible. ICP bad. Fork in an outlet bad. Karen Carpenter's diet plan bad.

I have never, nor will I ever, let Brad live these down.

- Baby Huey wonders if you call his name ...

And finn brings up the rear--

“I listen to everything.” Everyone has at least one friend who says it and doesn’t mean it. Not really anyway. They wouldn’t be caught dead with Britney Spears album or the new Nickelback. I don’t listen to everything. But I listen to a lot of it. And quite often, someone will be browsing my CD’s or flipping through my MP3’s and I can see the “What the fuck ?” moment as it crosses their faces. I love it. I love it because every so often they come across something that’ll completely blow my street cred. Because what you may see is me, a typical South Philly scumbag walking down the street, bobbin my head and listening to my headphones. And you’re sure that I’m listening to some feedback laden guitar masterwork or old school hip hop. What you don’t know is that I’m listening to ABBA and I’m getting down, jack. So here, they are, a few things from the shelves that always make people look at me funny.

Electric Light Orchestra – The Essential Electric Light Orchestra

Go ahead. Snigger if you want. Guffaw, if you feel you must. But bear in mind that these picks only get worse from here. That’s right, ELO’s at the top of the crop. And Jeff Lynne, as I’ve said on multiple occasions, is a freaking genius. The man writes catchy, stick in your head all day pop songs that won’t leave you alone. Sure, I hear the arguments all the time about the disco influence and the inanity of the lyrics. But remember this; the lyrics for “Obla Di, Obla Da” are inane as well, but it’s catchy. This collections is in now way complete, but if you just need a quick and dirty ELO fix this is a fantastic place to get it.

Jean Michel Jarre – The Concerts in China

Pretentious Frog Alert! Pretentious Frog Alert!

Kruder and Dorfmeister – The K & D Sessions

Is it hip hop ? Is it electronica ? Is it trance ? Well, I don’t know what you’d call it but I’ve got two words for you, Booty and Music, and that’s what I call it. I couldn’t single out one thing that makes these two Austrians mesh so well. But mesh they do. Rock and hip hop and jazz and oh so much more make this a great way to chill or a get with the bacon makin’. K & D have ninja level remix skills and even if you recognize one of the tunes that they’ve included on this double disc set, you’ll do so halfway through it. The mix itself is smooth and seamless, often leaving you wondering exactly where they’re going to go next. And if you’re looking for just the right thing to seal the deal with that lovely young lady who’s too young to have an appreciation for Barry White, here ya go kid. Thank me later.

--F


And there you have it. Four completely different takes on what’s on our CD shelves. And how about you ? What makes you embarrassed even though you sing along every time it comes on the radio ? What will you never admit to owning and stash under your mattress ? And what will you shake your butt to, regardless of who’s in the room ?

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