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And I'm Taking My Ball With Me
by Ernie Williams
Ok, that’s it… Show’s over… Everybody go home… The Colts won. The season is over. No more football till August. Well, unless you count the Pro Bowl this weekend, I guess, which I don’t…
So like millions of other football fans, I now must ask myself, ‘what the hell am I supposed to do now? No football?? Now what?’
Well, I suppose there are a few things I could do to keep me occupied now that my Sunday’s don’t involve football games anymore.
Wait for baseball season to start, but that’s not till April. Damn, that’s a long way away. Spring training does nothing for me. I need the real thing.
At some point I’ll switch from Patriots mode to Red Sox mode. I’ll take the Sox hat off the bedpost and put the Pats hat in it’s place, and I’ll switch out the winter hats from the blue knit hat with the Pats ‘Flying Elvis’ logo to the red knit hat the Sox ‘B’ logo on it. But that is going to be a while. I can’t just switch it off, this football thing. Change has gotta come at it’s own pace, like Spring.
Perhaps I could:
Watch hockey. That’s something I guess. It does not help that my team totally kinda blows at this current juncture…
Watch the NBA. Phht! Ha ha! Yeah. That’s a good one!
Wait for the NFL Draft and work on pretending I actually know who all these college players that people are going to be talking about are. ‘Oh sure that’s Jack McGillicutty out of Georgia Tech. 6’3 250. Lineman. Gonna go in the fourth round to the Bills I bet…’ What do you think? Sound convincing?
Other ideas… maybe:
Take up needlepoint. Yeah. Not gonna happen.
Organize my old Patriots Football Weekly mags. Nah.
Watch a documentary about global warming. Um, have you been outside this week? It’s frikkin freezing out Mr. Bigglesworth. Global warming my ass…
There’s the Daytona 500 next weekend. I like to watch cars going around in circles, so I guess there’s that to look forward to… WHAT ELSE? THERE’S GOT TO BE SOMETHING ELSE!!! HELLLP!!!
Oh wait, what’s this? An e-mail from Patriots.com? Hmmm. Says here I can join The Pats Cheerleaders in exotic Punta Cana (sounds hott) for their swimsuit calendar shoot. Includes private dinners and volleyball games with the squad! Hot damn. NOW we’re talking. Oh shit. What would the Wife say? NO, of course…
Plus, I’m broke.
Oh well, The Patriots Cheerleaders will just have to have fun in exotic Punta Cana without me.
Dudes and ladies I am stumped.
Life without football. I’m forced to go cold turkey and I’m not handling it very well. Got any ideas for me? Because obviously I’ve got nothing to write about here…
Ernie will find something to occupy his time....somehow...