hot sex, doggie style. oh yeah.
by Kali Pornia

if you know me you know that I LOVE WIENERS!!! currently have two miniature wieners and my boyfriend has one.  (don't tell him his is a mini though, he thinks his is much bigger than mine.)  they are the cutest things ever and last night my two wieners got locked together.  stuck, as it were.  the last time this happened i ended up with four extra little wieners running around.  as you might expect i'm very, very excited.  like i said, i love wieners.

have you gotten it yet?  i'm talking about my doggies you sick and twisted individuals!!!

my little wiener is knocked up!  at least i think she is.  last time the two of them got stuck together my vet said it was a 99.9% chance that she was pregnant and sure enough 62 days later... 4 more wieners!  this time was not as exciting as last time.  this time it happened in my upstairs living room in front of me and my boyfriend.  last time it happened in front of the gas and electric man, and my neighbor with the basketball sized hernia, and my other neighbor dirtball donna, and her husband mike the dyke , and my landlord.

i was out walking the two dogs -- he'd been humping her for at least a week, she would yelp weiner_dog.jpgeverytime the lipstick would get close to he swollen goods, so no dice.  so i was used to the continual humping.  i turned the corner to head back to my house and i see that the BGE (baltimore gas and electric) dude is sitting in his van right in front of my house.  my landlord is standing at the window talking to the driver.  as usual smith with the basketball sized hernia was sitting on his porch.  dirtball donna and mike the dyke had just woken up in time to nose around to see why the BGE guy was there.

i stop momentarily to have a conversation with my landlord and the BGE dude.  just then, my landlord's wife drives up and pulls in my driveway.  yes, there is quite a crowd gathering.  the dogs are on their leashes at my feet, i say hi to the landlord wife and she points down and says,

"you better watch out you're gonna have puppies."  there is slight yelping but i've learned to tune it out. 

"nah, " i say without looking down, "they've been doing that all week."

"not like this i bet," says my landlord.

lots of yelping, the girl dog is crying, the lipstick is out the boy is frothing, the BGE man stares open mouthed, the girl dog is screaming, the boy dog tries to back up off of it but, uh... can't.

(i don't know if you've ever seen this shit before but when dogs are mating the boy sticks his thingy all the way in there and when he uh gets ready to shoot his load, there are two barb like thingies on either side of the shaft that go in too but they get all swollen and take hold so that he can't pull it out.  it's pretty fucking insane and no matter whether someone describes it to you or not you're still not ready for it when you see it.)

so a crowd has gathered and my dogs are stuck together.  everybody has an opinion of what to do.

"poor water on 'em" says the BGE man

"he's hurting her" screams dirtball donna

"yelp yelp" winnie the girl dog says.  by this time she's so fucking freaked out that she's literally crying, which, in turn, freaks me so far out that i'm now crying.

"leave 'em alone!" smith with the hernia screams.

"water should work" says my landlord.

"holy shit" offers mike the dyke.

and me?  i don't know what the fuck to do... i think i'll finish this next week...





dude, i know!!!!!


I would have never figured you for a wiener dog person.

you remind me more a doberman pinscher person


and what the hell is with the dude with the huge nuts????

can't he like, well idunno, get that cut out???


my little street is like west virginia, dude...

i think the hernia could've been cut out early on but he waited so long to go to the doctors that it attached itself to his stomach and he wouldn't survive the surgery...

oh man it's a sight.


too bad freak shows aren't still around.

your neighborhood could make a killing what with dog fucking and the neighbors from "Deliverance"


Wasn't this a Springer episode, except instead of wiener dogs it was a couple of German Techno Heads named Hanz and Hanzome?


OH Kali I needed a good laugh - not that your "fucking till they cry" dogs make me laugh but the way you tell a story does!! Good luck with the pups!!


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