TAFC# 6: Cool Cars, Fake Cars
by Michele Christopher
After a week off, TAFC is back and we're going vroooooom vroooom on this one. It's Car Week at FTTW and we thought long and hard about a poll to go with this one. One of the editors mentioned something about the Batmobile during our weekly board meeting and the light bulb went on. Best cars from movies and tv!
This is almost too easy. There are so many cool cars out there. From McQueen's ride in Bullit to the Flinstonemobile, you've got an awful lot to choose from in making your nominations for this poll.
Our editors give you some of their choices first, then it's up to you to fill out the ballot so we can get a poll up here this weekend.
Coolest cars from movies and TV. Hit it.
Michele has a killer pick:
The Car. Made famous in a 1977 movie called...wait for it......The Car. A creepy, frightening movie about, you guessed it, a car. This slick, black car - a modified 1971 Lincoln Continental Mark III designed by George Barris of Batmobile fame - would just torment people by following them around and running them down. And, this being some small desert town where evil dwells beneath the surface, like in every horror movie ever made, all the townfolks (that’s what they are called in places like this) are quite sure the car is driven by Satan himself.
I swear to you, this car was scary. If you watch this movie today, maybe a souped up Lincoln won’t seem so scary to you. Maybe the movie will seem cheesy and that fog horn that plays every time the car runs someone down will seem hilarious. Hey, at least it didn't play La Cucuracha like my neighbor's car horn does.
But this was circa 1980. What we consider cheesy now was groundbreaking and cool back then.
We never really get why this car was murdering random people in this town. Maybe it just doesn’t like the desert? Maybe it was offended at the way the Indian guy was portrayed? Maybe it hated band geeks or James Brolin's facial hair? Who knows. We got evil, suspense, an explosion, some cool mow-downs, and enough false scares to make some paranoid (read: stoned) teenagers nearly wet their pants. Hey, I said nearly. All that was missing was Yeardley Smith yelling out We made you!
Very cool, if disturbing, car.
Turtle hits the road:
My car is not really a car but it is my pick. Yeah, that's right. A semi. Fuck them. It's no secret to anyone who has been hanging around me lately that I have become addicted to a new video game. And really, this game kicks ass on so many levels that it has made me rethink my prior beliefs on the great American institution called long distance truck driving. The game is 18 Wheeler if anyone cares. It, as a game, has made me think a little harder about choosing a new profession. A noble profession. One of honor and dignity and more than its share of methamphetamine. That's right. I wanna be a trucker. So in honor of this revelation that has been dropped on me like a newborn child's first solid shit, my "car" nominee shall be The Truck From Smokey and the Bandit.
It might have a name. Or not. All I know is that when the fat guy and the midget need some beer transported through state lines without payin' any taxes, Turtle is gonna be the man they call to get that motherfucking Budweiser through.
Pull the horn and drop the hammer. Be it hell or Hell's Angels, Imma getting some hicks drunk tonight.
East bound and down. - T
Dan gets mysterious:
See, I’m not much of a car guy. It wouldn’t be so bad if I was David Hasselhoff or something, hanging out with my hand down my pants while the car brings me my fucking slippers. It wouldn’t be so bad if I was Brandon Walsh with a crapped out Mustang that my rich Dad helps me fix, as long as I learned something from it. It wouldn’t be so bad if I was Inspector Gadget for that matter, falling ass backwards into good luck at every turn.
But you know what? I want a van like The Mystery Machine. A van is freedom. I want to be able to stretch out on the floor. I want to be able to sleep in parking lots and take fourteen people for a drive. I want to beat my small cock and wait for no girls to call me in the middle of the night.
And I want to my van to come with a talking dog and a bunch of pothead hippies who are afraid of ghosts but don’t mind talking to the cops. I would have it so made in that scene. Sharing snacks and telling ghost stories all the time, then hanging out in the van while they deal with the law. What’s that Freddie, you think there’s a ghost out there? Maybe Frankenstein has been hanging out in the abandoned mine shaft again? Hell yeah, I’ll check that out, let’s just hotbox this van one more time first. Officer Shanahan is out there with some questions? He thinks we’re meddling? Yeah, your turn dude. I can hardly keep my eyes open. You’re wearing a fucking ascot for God’s sake, you look respectable. Go work your magic.
Only problem is that you know the music sucks, they’re going to be playing old Beatles and other poppy crap from the 60’s. Maybe some James Taylor in the later episodes. I’ll have to bring some tapes. - D
Finn heads to the bat cave:
The Batmobile -Because if you’re going to own one ride from a TV Show or a movie, you’re gonna want the one with a jet engine, a convertible top and missiles that shoot from the quarter panels. Though it’s gone through a series of transformations (the one from the Fifties, the the cheesy Sixties TV version, even that disgusting piece of crap they pawned off on us in the Clooney movie), the essence of the Batmobile is always there. It’s the ultimate gadget for the man who (literally) has everything and an almost perfect embodiment of using tools to get things done.
For me, the Batmobile has never been cooler than in the Tim Burton Batman movies (although the one in BTAS is a damn, damn close second). It looks like a tank, if a tank was designed by Hugo Boss and designed to be incredibly stylish and pants wetting at the same time. It comes standard with the prerequisite video phone, jet turbine and uber-security system. It plow through crowds and traffic alike and goes from zero to 60 in just under 3 seconds. And even tough the ladies might get a little wet because of the cape and the cowl, they all come running for the car. --F
So that's our picks.....now you tell us your favorite fictional ride. Nominate as many as you want and we will throw the top 20 or so into a poll that will go live on Friday.