YouTube, I Don't
I know I'm totally alone in this, but I don't like YouTube.
Some of it is that I have extremely unsophisticated taste in television. I grew up without one, so I'm probably the only native-born American who doesn't think The Simpsons is funny. It's just too self-referential, and once Stick explains why it's funny, it's not any more. Now, an alternate-universe Simpsons where all the jokes were lines from Sierra games and Green Lantern comics? I'd understand that.
I don't mean that I don't like TV, just that I watch it the way a martian might. If it involves someone overhearing half of a conversation and misunderstanding, I'll probably think it's funny. It's even better if the scene involves a lot of doors and multiple people walking in and out trying to keep different things secret.
No, sorry, I don't remember the video for this song. Or the girl who played the sister on that show that time. Or that really funny commercial. I learned about the world-famous Mean Joe Green Coke commercial just a few days ago... my mother-in-law was watching an entire program about famous commercials. I know I don't watch TV, but aren't commercials the stuff that interrupts your show? Am I missing something?
My television-free life has made me a pretty undemanding girlfriend. Boyfriends can impress me by lifting entire monologues from Mike Myers, George Carlin and Dennis Leary, just to name a few of the men I think I've dated. I was quite disappointed to learn that Jon Stewart, not Stick, composed those clever diatribes.
But not as disappointed as I am now, three years later, discovering Stick's YouTube addiction. His idea of a great time involves watching stupid crap on YouTube. Which would be fine, if he'd just let me go do something I like better, like getting a root canal or something, but Stick likes to share.
Look! It's an anthropomorphic cat! A guy playing a themesong (I don't recognize) on an unusual instrument! Japanese people playing a game! An instruction video on how to fold paperclips into a model X-Wing! Anything that's vaguely connected to Aqua Teen Hunger Force!
Like any good girlfriend, I tried to feign interest in the beginning. Now, I barely grunt in reply to his shouts of "Look look look this is the coolest!" It's surprising how little encouragement he needs to keep showing me clips. If you know how to stop this need for sharing and togetherness, please tell me. If I have to watch another video of a cat acting like a cat, I'm going to fake a seizure.
Why can't he just watch porn like a normal guy?
Meg has nothing against cats. Just stupid cat tricks.