Criminal Report
by Shawna Black

Subject Name: Mom’s Keys
Social Security Number: 123-12-1234
Date of Birth: Unknown

Jurisdiction / Location: New Bern, NC
Search Type: Missing
Yrs Searched - Higher Court: 03/19/2007 am - 03/19/2007 am
Yrs Searched - Lower Court: 03/19/2007 pm - 03/19/2007 pm

Result: Still Missing

Special Notes (if any): Suspect – one of three possible. Keys missing. Main suspect: 2 year-old Kaiya. No plea bargain accepted. Threats not effective. Will try same plea bargain with bothers of suspect.


Jurisdiction: Craven County, NC

Report Type: Irritating
Years Searched - Higher Court: 03/19/2007 am - 03/19/2007 am
Years Searched - Lower Court: 03/19/2007 pm - 03/19/2007 pm
Name Requested: Keys, Mom

Date Of Birth Requested: Unknown
SSN Requested: 123-12-1234
AKA1 Requested: Mother’s keys
AKA2 Requested: Keys to Mom’s vehicle, home, place of employment
Address Requested: Where are my damn keys?
Other ID Requested: None, I know what they look like.

Name Found: None
DOB Found: None
SSN Found: None
AKA1 Found: None
AKA2 Found: None

Address Found: None
Other ID Found: None

Case Number: 1needmykeeznow
Charge: not specified – YET! Just wait…

Offense Date: 3/19/07
Arrest Date: N/A
File Date: 3/19/07
Disposition Date: 3/21/07
Other Case Info: The girl knows where they are. She’s not talking. Further action needed. Boys pretending that they know nothing. Further action needed. Threats may be pending. Don't let the smiles and beautiful eyes fool you. They're heathens.
ID Discrepancies: None. I know who they are!!!!





I say duct tape them to the wall, and eat all kinds of candy right in front of them as torture. They'll cave.

Losing keys is one of the most frustrating things in the whole world.

Hell, losing anything is.

One year, in the span of about six months, I lost an entire set of keys (house, car, work, everything), a diamond and sapphire tennis bracelet, and a gold/diamond watch that was a college graduation present. I was not liked much at that time by my then-husband


I could duck tape them to the wall, but I'm afraid they'd think it was fun.


Asian Torture Method: Two buckets full of water. Make them carry until they cave.

My Mothers Torture Method: Singing off key to my favorite songs.

Either work swimmingly.


What incredibly beautiful children! Your little girl looks exactly what my little sister looked like when she was young. I actually did a double take....its incredible!


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