What to say, what to say, what to say. Gotta think of a funny intro. Funny intro? Hmmm ... OH!

So a hamburger walks into a bar. Bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve food here."

Yeah, that sucked. So let me tell you a little story. I'm a big fan of cooking as a pasttime. You know, live to eat, don't eat to live. So last weekend, I went on a little shopping spree. I went to a restaurant supply store, which, by the way? For a guy like me? Kid in a fuckin candy store. Got a whole bunch of restaurant-quality gear on the cheap. I'm glad they were closing for the day soon or I'd never have left. From there, I went to the Italian market. I love that place. Buncha greasy wops hanging out, eating canolli and drinking espresso. I loaded UP! Olives, tomatoes, anchovies, oregano, great big block of parmagiano reggiano cheese. Went to the local meat market, and got some good stuff. Came home, and made some marinara sauce.

Ok, I made more than some. I made 4 gallons. Froze most of it and wanted to use some this week, so I busted out an old classic Italian-American classic. You're never getting my red sauce recipe, so this is a close second:

Braciole (pronounced bra-zhole for you non-wops)

2 lb piece of round steak
1 quart marinara sauce
1/4 c sun-dried tomatoes (packed in oil)
2 Tbsp capers, drained and rinsed
6 cloves garlic
2 Tbsp raisins
1 tsp dried oregano
1 egg
1/2 c grated parmesean cheese
1/2 c bread crumbs
1/4 c olive oil

Heat the sauce in a 9 x 13 baking dish in a 275 degree oven*

The first--and hardest--part of this is prepping the meat. You need to get the meat about 1/2" thick -- and it needs to be even. The roast I got from the store was about 1 1/2 " thick, so I butterflied it and pounded it thin. If you need your roast to be butterflied (that is, opened up like a book), your butcher should be able to do it very easily. After that, just use a mallet to pound your meat (HAHAHAHAHAHA) down to about 1/2 thick. Season both sides with salt and pepper.

In a food processor, mix the last 9 ingredients till it's chunky but well combined. Spread that stuffing over the meat, leaving about an inch of border from the edges. Roll the meat up along the longer edge, so it looks like a big beef ho-ho (and yes, it's as delicious as it sounds). Secure by tying it up with butcher's twine or using toothpicks.

Heat a big (preferably cast iron) skillet over medium-high heat. Brush the outside of the meat with vegetable or peanut oil, and sear the meat on all four sides, about 90 seconds per side. Place the meat in the pan of sauce, and baste the top of it with some of the sauce. Cover (loosely) with aluminum foil and braise for at least 3 hours, but up to 5 or 6. When it's done, let it rest for 15 minutes before cutting it.

* as an alternative, put it in a big crock pot at the low setting.

This week's review is cool cause the band's name is kind of a dirty word.

Alabama Thunderpussy
Open Fire
Relapse Records

Their first album with vocalist Kyle Thomas, Alabama Thunderpussy's seventh record is a mixture of dirty, Danzig-esque rock and good old fashioned southern boogie. Full of catchy riffs and melodic vocals, I can't really say much more than it's a hell of a fun listen, and if you enjoy heavy rock (that is just this side of metal) with a southern twang, I can't recommend this one enough.

Baby Huey is happy that he got to say "pound your meat" and "pussy" in the same post and have it be about food and cooking.

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