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Momma Says Fooseball Is The Devil…
by Ernie Williams
Hi Everybody! Happy Friday my friends!! Friday fully fucking rules, does it not? Yes indeedy it does… Alright you guys, I’m not going to lie to you. I don’t have a lot for you today. Things are pretty slow in the beautiful land of football.
There was the NFL Meat Market also known as the NFL Combine last weekend. This annual event is where Coaches and GMs from around the league size up college players who will be potential draft picks in about a month. Players are measured, weighed, photographed, and put through a series of physical and mental tests.
Other than the fact that it took place last weekend, there’s not much else to say about it. Some people believe that a player’s chances of getting drafted can hang on their combine results, but I don’t go along with that. You can’t judge a football player by how fast he can run the 100 yard dash or how far he can place in the long jump. Just because some guy may be a track star, that does not equate into him becoming a top NFL player.
What else is going on… Well Free Agency starts this weekend, today as a matter of fact. This is the period where players are going to try and cash in and get those enormous contracts that would set you or I, along with our extended families, up for the rest of our lives, but which some football players will undoubtedly blow on a HUMMER with a nice sound system and a hot-tub in the back…
Since there’s not a lot of football related stuff going on right now I’ve been trying to find other stuff to keep busy. I’ve been keeping an eye on The Red Sox spring training news and I’ve been watching NASCAR racing. The Daytona 500 this year was really good, although my favorite driver lost the race by a foot and a half... I’ve also been hanging out with Satan, practicing my guitar a lot more, and at the recommendation of my loyal readers, there’s been lots of hookers and blow… just kidding about that last part... or am I? (ok yes, I am kidding. Can’t fool you, you buncha sharp cookies).
So, seeing as how it’s Fun Faster Than the World Friday (or Reward Friday as I like to refer to it) it’s my turn to help entertain you here at Faster Than the World, so I’m gonna fall back on the old reliable: lists of movies. Or, in my case, favorite Football movies. Here are a select few of mine that I can always count on when I need a good football fix.
“I’m here to play Football for the Irish…” Dudes and ladies, this movie is the fucking balls. I’m telling you right now, it does not get any better than this. This is the pinnacle, the zenith, the top of the pile. Even though there’s not a whole lot of actual football action in the movie, this is one of the best football movies there is. I’ve seen this one at least 150 times. I once watched it every night for like two weeks straight. I’ve cut down on my ‘Rudy’ intake and I’m down to watching it a few times a year at this point, but I still get misty every time when Rudy sits down and reads the letter saying that he’s finally been accepted into Notre Dame. Chokes me up every single time… Then that part where Rudy goes back home and visits his father at
‘Can’t Dad… football practice starts next week…’
Remember the Titans:
This is another one of those inspirational football movies. It’s got Denzel Washington in it so you know it’s good. Denzel is one of those guys where, I feel like you can’t go wrong if he’s in it. If Denzel Washington is in a movie, it’s a pretty safe bet it’s going to be a good one. There are a ton of good football scenes in this movie, as well as some kind of side story about people coming together and overcoming adversity or something like that…
Now. Here we have another excellent football movie. It’s got Sinbad, who is hilarious, and don’t try and kid yourself and try and tell yourself that he’s not, because you know damn well that he is, because he makes everybody laugh, so just stop with the pretense, ok? It’s also got the guy from Quantum Leap, The Makin’ Copies Guy from Saturday Night Live, and The Hotel Manager from Pretty Woman in it. In short, you’re looking at an All-Star cast here. This is a rags to riches story about a really bad college football team that pulls itself together and by the end of the movie is totally kicking it’s arch-rival’s ass. I won’t give away the ending on you.
Ok last one then I’ll let you go and leave some of your faves in the comments. Or tell me how stupid mine are. Whatever.
‘Momma says fooseball is the Devil…’ Say what you want about Adam Sandler flicks, but this is a funny movie and there is lots of football in it.Watching Adam as The Waterboy tackle anything and everything in sight while also serving some pretty fine H-2-O is pretty damn cracks-me-up, especially the part where he tackles that Col. Sanders lookin’ guy in the classroom. That is comedy gold right there.. There are a bunch of really stupid gags and dumb one-liners in this movie which basically makes it right up my alley. I am so easily entertained it’s not even funny. Kathy Bates is awesome as The Waterboy’s Momma, plus it’s got Jerry Reed in it.. Jerry Fuckin Reed people! AND Henry Winkler. There is no possible way you can go wrong with this movie.
“I like Vicki, and she like me back! And she showed me her boobies and I like them too!”
Comedy football-related gold…
Ok, that’s it for this week’s, whatever this was.. Next week I’ll come back and try and think up something else to write about. Have a good weekend!