Classic rock week, baby, good times….

So, this guy Satan….. what do you think of that guy? Is he a pain in the ass, is he pure evil? Is he an alright guy who’s just having some fun, is he maybe a guy who makes your life worth living? Where would you be without Satan? Would you mind? Would you care?

Yeah, I’m asking the religious people as much as the others.

The devil takes up a lot of space in our culture. I mean, religion takes up a huge amount of our culture; even if we don’t go to church or believe, we’re surrounded by those who do. And the devil takes up a lot of space in most of the religions we deal with. Not all of them, but, you know. A few of them.

His story is pretty interesting too, you know. Depending on what version you read, what religious book you read, his story might vary a little. But it’s largely the same, he’s here for the same reasons anyway. And he’s been here a long time. Hanging around.

We all live our own lives for our own reasons, and I’m not saying that we’re all afraid of the devil, but a lot of us were raised as Christians – or whatever, God fearing whatever – and that shit got pounded into us. That fear of good and evil. And that’s what, at least partly, formed the morality that we use today. Most of us, religious or not, try to use common sense in acting well, because hey, we all have to live together. But some of us behave well because we’re afraid of Satan, in the same way that some of us behave well because we’re afraid of the cops.

He’s been in our culture for thousands of years now and he’s largely been reduced to a special effect in a horror movie, or the basis for a really weird house of horror somewhere in the bible belt. Those house of horror things… you ever see those? Kids getting scared into going to church when they see examples of sinful living that would damn them to hell? They’re forced to sign pledges and shit? Now that’s scary.

So who pays attention to Satan anymore? People who like horror movies for sure, because demonic stuff is cool. Some religious people do for religious reasons. Hell, some people worship him, but let’s come back to that. Do goth kids like Satan? I know they like death and black stuff but I don’t know about that. He’s still around in heavy metal, but only the weirdos take metal Satan seriously. Like dragon slaying.

I’m wondering if, you know, we spend all this time being good and some of us thank God for it. And we go out and party or fornicate or whatever, and we get hungover or get the clap and we’re sorry. But you had fun partying and fornicating, didn’t you?

I’m not saying that Satan is a great guy, or a cool guy, but he works hard and we appreciate the fruits of his labour and I think it’s only fair that every once in a while we say, thank you Satan. Thank you for making life more enjoyable by taking part in my ability to live with free will. Because without a choice between good and evil, life wouldn’t be very enjoyable at all. And it’s great when I get my dick sucked on a Tuesday afternoon too.

Think about the seven deadly sins: lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy and pride. Okay, some of them are kind of counterproductive, but at the same time they can be a lot of fun and are a great way to spend the afternoon. Eating and fucking and hanging out. Being proud about how much you ate and fucked, and how little else you did. Just ate and fucked.

So this week, say thanks to Satan, the man, the fallen angel, the legend, the cartoon. Go do something evil; it’s the right thing to do.


Dan prays to God, Satan, and anyone else he can think of.


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