Sometimes You Have To Just Say It
by Tim O'Connell

There will be no Druid this week. I’ve got to write Jack out of the park and there are some details that just aren’t working, and honestly, it’s hard to focus on Jack and the crew while the news of the day rattles around in my head. I’m starting this on Monday night…yeah, I’m late already, sorry, I got distracted.

I don’t think those poor kids were cold before the pros and the antis were out spouting their usual pitches: “More guns would have made it better.” “Less guns would have made it better.” “It’s violent movies.” “It’s the video games, they’ve desensitized our youth.” “Spotlight Hollywood is already on the scene, following movie producer…” “I find it offensive that it’s assumed that he’s an undocumented immigrant.” “I find it offensive that a Chinese National is allowed in our country.” “Ah yes, another immigrant doing a job Americans won’t do.”

I find them all offensive. Every one. And to the last one, “Go fuck yourself you miserable thundercunt.” I mean that from the bottom of my heart. No, I'm not going to link to it, you can find it if you try.

Let’s all take a breath and remember that 33 people are dead. I don’t care if you pray. I don’t care what you do. Just turn off the fucking politics for five minutes please.

What happened on Monday was a horrific act, apparently perpetrated by one deranged individual who could not see a clearer path than to massacre as many people as possible before ending his own pain.

I don’t understand the need to share that kind of pain. The quips come quickly. “Why can’t they go straight to killing themselves? Why do they have to bring all of us into it.?”

I don’t know. Maybe he was embarrassed by something. Maybe he thought he had to try and erase all evidence of his shame. Maybe he had a toothache.

I don’t understand monsters. This man was a monster. He can’t be a regular human. That’s too scary. If he’s a normal, then we’re fucked. That’s where my head goes. There’s got to be something wrong with people like that otherwise it’s not long before the worlds of Bladerunner and Children of Men start looking like right outside the fucking window. I’m not ready for that yet.

Remember when we were just afraid of the world being taken over by computers? Or Logan’s Run? Phase IV?!!! That was how we were supposed to go out. Not individually because some pissed off English major got dumped, either real or imagined.

The story about the professor who got in between the shooter and his students made me cry. I had to shut the door to my office.

I gotta shake this and I know I will. I gotta tell ya though, I’m feeling dark like I haven’t in a long time. I’m not seeing a lot of hope. I don’t see the light. I don’t have a sense that things are going to get better. So I’ve got to remember, again, that there are things I can effect and those that I can’t and I need to concentrate on the ones I can and let the other ones go. I’m not good at being where my hands are. I get all wrapped up in other people’s crap. I know that makes me human and I’m okay with that, it’s just even after X years of sobriety, I’m not quite THERE when it comes to being okay with feeling the hard stuff. No…I don’t know where THERE is either but I don’t think it’s here.

Sorry if I brought anyone down. I had to write this out before I did anything else though.

The Back Booth Archives


I know where you're coming from. Living in Colorado, you can imagine how much newsplay Columbine still gets to this day. It's the beast that will not die. Whenever there's a school shooting, Columbine pops right up. We had to put up with that opportunistic cocksucker Brooks Brown and his book, and then the Michael Moore movie, and then the anniversaries, the custom "Respect Life" license plates, the newly released police reports and tapes, the lawsuits, the protesters, the kid from Columbine who died in Iraq, the tragic things that happen to Columbine students all across the nation, the constant comparison to other school shootings. This state seems to revel in it. You could see the newscasters scramble to retain some sort of title ownership... "Well, that was a university, Columbine is the largest HIGH SCHOOL shooting in history..." The only thing that comes close coverage-wise is the Jon Benet Ramsey debacle. Very disturbing how we seem to almost gloat about it.

I hope Virginia can move past this and not overdo it on the mourning. Because if this trend continues, the entire month of April is going to turn into a month of mourning for all the shooting that have occured nationwide.

You can't even say "Happy 4/20" around here anymore.


THANK YOU! God, this resembled the scene in "Heathers" where one of the Heathers ran from one TV camera to the next, trying to be the "face" of the tragedy.

And, sure as hell, it turns out this guy had been ridiculed/ostracizied/marginalized for years . . . Kids can be meaner than a skillet full of rattlesnakes and, in some cases, the damage they inflict on one another psychologically never fades. This may sound horrible but when Columbine went down, my first reaction was disbelief that it had taken that long for some "loser" at a school to get even. I remember what assholes a lot of high school kids were. However, I don't condone anyone's actions. I do try to understand how humans become monsters and what we do as everyday people that contributes to that metamorphosis.

Just my take. God help those people's families.


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