cars of the night: movie version
by Michele Christopher
Tonight we each pick a car from the tv/movie list here to write about. We’ll be doing this about once a week, so feel free to keep adding suggestions to that list.
This wasn’t a difficult first choice for me. See, I’m a huge horror movie fan, so anytime I get a chance to add that topic into my posts here, I’ll take it. And hey, I’m preparing for tomorrow’s Day of Pretending to be the Anti-Christ. So my first choice is: The Car. Made famous in a 1977 movie called...wait for it......The Car. A creepy, frightening movie about, you guessed it, a car. This slick, black car - a modified 1971 Lincoln Continental Mark III designed by George Barris of Batmobile fame - would just torment people by following them around and running them down. And, this being some small desert town where evil dwells beneath the surface, like in every horror movie ever made, all the townfolks (that’s what they are called in places like this) are quite sure the car is driven by Satan himself. Yea, that’s right. The overlord of Hell has nothing better to do than to magically appear in some third rate cow town and joyride his way through some bodies. This movie is fucking satanic, kids. Oh, we're not talking Adam Sandler (whatever the hell the name of that movie was) satanic. We're talking the real deal here. Ok, not Exorcist satanic. More like hmm...that one episode of Scooby Doo where they find the gate to hell on Stephen Dorff's lawn. Hey, Anton Fucking LaVey has a credit as a consultant. A consultant, man. The dark lord himself gave the producers of this movie inside info on Satan’s driving skills!
Yea, calm down, dude. Have some Funyons and a beer. Watch the fucking movie and shut up about your father. His car is pussy compared to this thing.
Well, we never really get why this car was murdering random people in this town. Maybe it just doesn’t like the desert? Maybe it was offended at the way the Indian dude was portrayed? Maybe it hated band geeks or James Brolin's facial hair? Who knows. We got evil, suspense, an explosion, some cool mow-downs, and enough false scares to make some paranoid stoners nearly wet their pants. Hey, I said nearly. All that was missing was Yeardley Smith yelling out We made you!
How legend is this car? It made an appearance on an episode of Futurama.
So thinking about this film all these years later, I’m wondering what it would be like if all the evil cars in movies got together for one big showcase showdown. Christine. The Camaro from The Wraith. The black ‘Cuda in Phantasm III. The Charger from Wheels of Terror. Put them in an open field and let them go at it. I gotta think that the Lincoln would be the one left standing. Because Satan drives a Continental. - M
The Interceptor. The Road Warrior. Ok. Let's just start this off right. This car meant something more than driving. This car meant way more than anything about traveling. This was a car that got through the end and still managed to pick itself up and walk away. Sure it was beat the fuck up, but it got out. It walked away. You didn't. So this was a god damn car that could take everything you could toss at it and wouldn't stop till it dropped.
That's it. 1973 XB GT Ford Falcon Coupe. Modified with blower and NO2 running thru the system. Back window kicked out to fit in extra gas tanks. Cause you never knew when the gas was gonna run out. Cause if it did, hey dude, you are in Austraila. You stopped being "kinda fucked" and graduated to full on "I'm fucked " right when that damn engine stopped. So you will do what it says. It's not about you anymore. It's about the car.
Don't get this movie wrong. A car wasn't about moving. A car represented life. Something that meant everything. A symbol that if this thing couldn't keep running, your life couldn't keep running. If this thing keeps running, I can breathe another day. I can live as long as the interceptor started. That was the Interceptor
Yeah, I get deep sometimes. Don't ask me about Twinkies or I'll tell you the meaning of life.
But this car was fully loaded. Faster than anyone one else. Don't stick a god damn arrow in this motherfucker and expect it to go down. Fuck. It's been through a fucking war. Your "woo woo" sticks just piss it off. Just like a mosquito bite.
"You are annyoing."
"Please stop shooting at me."
"I'm getting kinda pissed here."
That was the Interceptor.
Slicker than anyone. Dirty as fuck. You have a feeling that car has had to pick itself up off a bar room floor many times before and it would have to do it again. But it had to keep moving. The gas ain't gonna find its god damn self and if it just layed down, it would die.That car was the Interceptor. Black as night, tough as shit and loaded with dynamite and gasoline and NO2 and a sawed of shotgun and a knife under the tailpipe and a cool doggy seat for his doggy!
This car was coolness in the prime. Uncut coolness. If this car was cocaine you would be on the ground not being able to breathe while your friends sat around, watching you choke on the dope you just did and thinking "COOL!" Then running to do their lines. Cause that was a cool car.
"Hey dude, it must be good. It almost killed the turtle. Bust out a line a for me."
What the fuck else could you want from a car?
Plus it had a doggy seat!
And that's fucking cool. -T
Listed below are links to weblogs that reference cars of the night: movie version:
» cars of the day: scooby snacks and a mission from god from Faster Than the World
» Cartoons and Night Train. That can only mean one thing....Movie Car Night! from Faster Than the World