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A Little Of This And Some Of That
by Michele Christopher
Another week has flown by and it’s time to talk about something new this week! Aren’t you excited? I suppose this week I’ll try to muddle through by talking to you randomly and perhaps the article will flow from there. So, anyway here we stand at the edge of fall, looking into that vast chasm that is winter…
You know, I really dislike winter for a few reasons, one is the cold. Brrrrrrrrr! And the other is the snow and ice… Hazardous driving isn’t it? Don’t you just hate having to scrape the windows in the mornings? I know I do. You know my poor car has been through snow banks, ice skids, collisions, and all manners of abuse. (Those car crashes were not my fault I swear!) The clunky boots, the multiple layers, Oh and WET MITTENS! These just make for bad winter seasons.
As for the good things about winter, I like cuddling in a warm house on a chilly night with a glass of wine. (Preferably in front of a fireplace.) I like to go outside on the first snowfall and look at the flakes fall… (Which happened just the other day actually, I sat outside with my guy and cuddled on the first snow of the season. It was very sweet!) I also like sledding, skiing, (I even tried snowboarding!). I like the winter because it inspires the joy of spring and soon after, summer! That’s my time to be out and about! Over a lot of the winter months I tend to be a Hermit Queen. However, this happens to be one of the best times to do drag. Want to know why? Well I’ll tell you! Because part of the way I do my drag, involves layers of tight fabrics, in order to achieve the desired look. During the summer months, these layers become a veritable oven during the summer months, because you can’t even step outside to cool down at all! Even in the winter, these layers insulate me to the point where I sweat even in 40 degree weather! (Sometimes even colder.) So ladies I have a question for you:
I have been in these hazardous shoes in the dead of winter, and I can’t help but wish that my shoes didn’t make me feel like I’m wearing socks on a newly waxed wooden floor. I actually went to a store and found a pair of great heels that actually had a really great boot treads for those deep snow days, but even so I see more ladies now and then wearing these OPEN TOE shoes with 4 inches of snow on the ground. Goodness!
MEN, be aware that this may be the leading cause of “cold feet syndrome” in the sack, you know she wants to put them on you to warm them, and you know how it goes, her feet are so like ice that you expect them to stick your leg hairs! Ladies, no worries, I am perfectly aware that some men have the same problems too! (I’m one of them!) Sometimes curling up to those people must be like trying to defrost the microwave dinner by rubbing the foil with a bare hand! So I ask you ladies, don’t make “cold foot syndrome” worse. Wear socks and good shoes in the winter, it won’t hurt to have toasty toes, plus, doesn’t the slush annoy you when it skooshes between your toes? I know my dog won’t go more than 3 feet from me in slushy weather… I think even he needs booties! I have performed in the winter with dress shoes on, but even I had a pair of shoes for my outdoor travels. Speaking of women’s apparel, allow me to offer to you ladies:
MY PERSONAL APOLOGIES FOR THE “BRA” OR “TORTURE DEVICE”
Now then, we all know that a bra serves a function to help the back, and provide better support for ones boobies, and this is good, but I have fake boobies and they get in my way ALL The time! And the bra, oh my goodness, the under wire cutting into my ribs, combined with the pull of the strap on my shoulders, it’s no wonder so many women suffer from headaches, the blood is cut off from the brain due to the uncomfortable devices they place on themselves. (I just thank god that corsets are not “in”!) Sometimes it amazes me that we perceive beauty as something pulled and pushed into a certain form and painted, as opposed to the natural beauty of the unsupported human figure. I know men have it easier, but they look more ridiculous naked than women do, if it’s any consolation, what with the jiggling that goes on down there, and the embarrassment of it being painfully obvious when a guy is excited, when it comes to arousal, women have it easier. I think the closest that men have come to the uncomfortable-ness in clothing, would be the tie. I don’t know about you other guys, but I feel very claustrophobic in a tie, like I’m cutting off my throat...(Perhaps I make mine a little too tight!) Either way, I hope
I think that’s enough on that right now… I think I’ve embarrassed everyone enough. Perhaps we talk a little more about love? Why not I’ve got time!
Let me think, where did we leave off last week? Ah yes, we were discussing dating attire, and what happened to the evolution of love and courtship, right? So let’s go on about the good things about dating here in 2006.
Ok, I’ve spoken out a lot about the negative aspect of the internet, faulty chat rooms and liars on the net, as well as the predators that are abound in the area, but what about the good aspect of the internet? Well, there are a lot of people there to interact with, and I think that it’s good to make up a decent profile for whatever sight you are going to join. I try to be honest about everything that I can without giving up anything really personal, like my real name, or my mailing/ street address. But why not be honest about your weight/ weight, sexual fetishes, and real likes and dislikes? I believe that the more honest I am in my profile, the more likely a person who responds to it will actually like who I am. If I was to lie, it would be obvious from the first encounter, and a relationship based on a lie is really not a good way to start… Even if you’re just going to be friends.
I have done some good dating and bad dating, some of the bad dates make for interesting, and sometimes raunchy stories! Among the more colorful was the guy who was about twice the weight of what he had on his profile, which made me feel sorry for someone so sad as to think that no one would like him for who he was. There was also a man that I met who had issues with body fluids; he would about gag if someone nearby spat on the sidewalk, the poor dear. On the positive side, I’ve met a man once who would have been a great match, but couldn’t get over the fact that I did drag every so often, and then there was a guy who came over specifically with the intention of bringing up my mood, no sex involved. That was about the sweetest thing anyone has ever done just out of the kindness of their heart. So there are diamonds out among them ladies and gentlemen, just remember some of my tips for internet love. Be honest to a point. Leave a little for discovery, but answering questions and asking them back is a great way to just enjoy chatting online.
DON’T go “hunting” for a mate, just put up a profile and chat with different people on a public chat room, those interested in you send you an e-mail, let it go from there. DO check and see who’s online when you are, see if they are cute and if the profile is something you’d be interested in, send an e-mail expressing your curiosity in who they are, just don’t harass them if they don’t get back to you. People frequently have no courtesy in returning e-mails to parties that are unappealing, so leave it at one e-mail, and leave it at that, there are plenty fish out in that great big ocean, don’t spend your time going after one white whale, we all know how that story went. Try to keep in mind that the idea of these places are to be fun and interesting, one or two bad encounters isn’t the end of the line, there are assholes everywhere, they‘re just harder to spot online than when you’re in a bar.
When meeting someone from the net, my suggestion is to wait at least a month before you decide to meet a person, when it finally happens, decide to meet for coffee. If things go well, advance into dinner, if that goes well maybe go for a movie, but leave it there, don’t go home with them or let them go home with you, you might do something you’d regret, or put yourself in harms way. I will say that on occasion, chemistry will inspire one to go ahead and let things travel into places we’d rather not admit to in public. We’re adults and sometimes things get out of hand, I admit. But I’d rather not have every prospect know what I look like nude before they know what I like on a pizza. Just as a side note I met my current beau on the internet... I actually say him in a chat room and told him he had a cute nose, it kind of went on from there, and here we are now about two months later, dating happily. So hey it can happen for you too! Just be nice, and
Thus the week closes, and I shall leave you to wonder what on earth I just said. I wish you happiness and joy in the coming week. Don’t worry about me, I’m a Drag Queen, what do I know?
Matthew lives in Vermont where he goes on good and bad dates.