A Hand Up His Ass And a Smile on Your Face
by Turtle Jones

This was a hard one tonight. I have no clue where we started this conversation but for some weird reason it ended up here. First, I want to say thank you to everyone who keeps supporting and reading FTTW. Without you, we would be alone. So thanks to the readers and the writers who keep this site going. You guys helped take an idea and make it into this. A mess of readers, writers, photographers and any other thing you can think of.

You made FTTW.

But enough with all this crap. Let's get on to the mean part of this post.pepeKingPrawn000.jpg

Sesame Street and Muppet characters

Who was the coolest? Name three? You think it's easy? We both spent an hour thinking about it. Changing our ideas around. Try it. If all of them were on a sinking ship and you could save only three, who would they be? I know that's a pretty bad analogy, but basically, it's the way we had to think.

So who were they?

turtle lets Sesame Street down

Pepe the Prawn

Ok. Easily the best character they ever made was Pepe the Prawn. This character had it all. I mean really. He was fun, confused and had a cool accent. I'm not really sure where he was from, but he was always damn funny. Pepe always had that look like some drugged out friend who was detoxing waiting for you to get your shoes on so he could get more dope. "What are you doing, man?" For some god knows reason he was sold out to Long John Silvers in some weird ad thing that didn't last to long but was still funny to watch.

For some reason a prawn selling prawns to eat is kinda weird to me. It reminds me of some scene in "Roots" with that colored guy from "Reading Rainbow" getting his foot chopped off.


Jesus, this guy needed to be on Librium. Or heroin. Talk about someone too strung up. When I talk to Michele in the morning about things we need to do today, I can honestly say that she is Beaker. Talk about high strung. Jesus. I guess that makes me Dr. Benson Honeydew. But really dude, Beaker kicked ass. He always knew he would get hurt, but kept going cause the Doctor always said that they were doing the right thing. More similarities to Michele and I. Hm. But Beaker got tore up in ever single episode while the Doctor looked on and smiled. Muppets - Beaker.jpg

I always like making analogies to TV or puppets to my life. Seems to work for me.

Rizzo the Rat

Oh dude. Like you didn't like him. He was a New York rat with alot of friends. Fucking with him was starting a fire and making friends with him was like free beer. He had pull in the rat community. He would help you out if you didn't make fun of his accent too much. See, the rat was cool. He had a gang and they would own your ass pretty quick if you didn't give them the respect they deserved. See, another thing I think is funny is that all the cool characters seemed to come out when Jim Henson was at the end. I think that the drugs had really taken ahold of him when he wrote a script filled with rats, prawns and guys who blow up for the amusement of others.

That was the brilliance of Jim Henson.

You never knew if he was trying to make you smile or balls out on LSD. - T

michele chases the clouds away:

The coolest muppet ever. My son just reminded me that he was afraid of Animal when he was little. Well, yea. The dude is kind of out of control. A bit freaky. Violent. Crazy. He chases cars. High strung.. And he’s totally monosyllabic, which, well. Let’s just say I’ve been told that when I’m high strung I speak in one syllable words only. I. Am. Not. High. Strung. I. Do. Not. Speak. In. Single. Syllables. I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!

Anyhow. Animal. thecounts.jpgThis is one cracked-out muppet that is not right in the head. I can imagine him being brought into some psych ward, screaming and roaring and making the orderlies mumble things like “lobotomy” and “shock treatment” and other pertinent Ramones lyrics. Whatever the hell was wrong with him, it made him a bit endearing to me. What can I say, I like troubled guys.

He is a drummer. So that might explain the not right in the head thing.

The Count
People often confuse The Count with Count Chocula. I can understand how people without a working knowledge of legendary vampires might do that. I mean, most people think, eh, if you’ve seen one vampire you’ve seen ‘em all. But that just says to me that you know shit about vampires. Because even though they all have Count in front of their names (contrary to popular belief, Count Basie was not a vampire), it doesn’t mean they can, you know, count. It is common knowledge that Count Dracula was math illiterate. He could write sonnets til they were coming out his ass, but give him a simple math equation and he’d be reduced to tears. Not even three years of summer school (night school, of course) helped him. But The Count, he is righteous with the numbers. He doesn’t just add and subtract and do calculus, but he does it with flair. The OCD part of me loves him for this. He makes counting things like peanut butter sandwiches seem artistic and beautiful instead of freaky.

Oscar the Grouch

Oscar is kind of an obvious choice for me.grouchy.jpg Unsociable, mostly misanthropic, mean, obnoxious, sarcastic and a total slob. Hell, that’s what my last personal ad read like.

I envy a guy who gets to live in a garbage can. He doesn’t ever have to worry about mopping the floor or doing the dishes because hey, it’s a garbage pail. It’s supposed to be dirty. See, it’s all in the name. Oscar the Grouch. Smart move to make your name something like that. So people know what to expect.. If my nameplate on my office door said “Michele the Grouch” instead of “Michele, person you can grub coffee off of and steal Halloween candy from” then maybe I would be more likely to say “scram” when someone walks in expecting me to be sociable. Smart guy, that Oscar. Not only does he know how to keep people away from him, but he set it up so that he’s expected to be a dick. I need to make a new nameplate.

And that’s my three favorite muppet type people.

Now. Leave me alone. Get lost. Scram. -M

You know the drill by now. We told you ours. You tell us yours. Kinda like that old "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" game, but without the embarassing "oh you didn't mean my genitals?" moment.

And don't give us any of that Labyrinth crap. Sesame Street. Muppet movies. Muppet Show. Don't get all fancy and think outside the box on this one.

Late Night Typing is not a product of the Children's Television Workshop



the guy who thru the fish boomerang was pretty cool too


I've always liked Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog.


And don't give us any of that Labyrinth crap. Sesame Street. Muppet movies. Muppet Show. Don't get all fancy and think outside the box on this one.

Of course I didn't see that part until after I frickin posted.

Um ... I like the two aliens from Seseme Street who do the "Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep" ad nauseum.

I also like the monster that did the "Manah Manah" song.


i second Animal. all that guy wanted to do was bang on the drums.

oh yeah, and there was that 'strung out looking hippie chick' who was with the band in at least one of the movies. i kinda had a crush on her.


We almost named this post "Yip Yip Yip Brrrringgggg"

Wilhelm, her name is Janice. She rocks.


The boomerang fish were thrown by Lew Zealand.

Him, Beaker, and maybe Zoot. Zoot deserves to live. Though I can picture him playing that last mournful off-key note on his sax as the ship finally goes under.

This song brought to you by the letter "F".


I second the two alien 'yip yip yip' things.

Also Grover and all of his various incarnations, Super Grover, etc etc. He still makes me laugh.


fuck. thanks cullen now the menah menah song is in my head for WEEKS!!

do doo da do do..


Personally, I loved Sam Eagle and Statler and Waldorf. Those two old bastards were the best thing about The Muppet Show...


It's a push for me between Statler and Waldorf, because I'm a cranky old bastard, and the Swedish Chef, because ... well, duh.


told you this was hard.

i just reread it and want to change my answers again.

I notice no one said Fozzie yet.

Or Kermit.

Or Miss Piggy.

i'm so going to hell


Sweedish Chef was also good. I like the one where he gets attacked by a bowl of spaghetti


Okay, first I have to address this, cause if I didn't I would feel like shit...Turtle this is 2006, not 1963, the term is African American, Black, or even "My Nigga" if you are friends, but never ever "Colored", okay off my soapbox. I do have to agree with Pepe, he is awesome, I have used him as my IM avitar at work for years. Second, Kermit, the frog just rocks, and third is Rizzo.


Michael, I think you need to read Turtle's stuff with your tongue in cheek.


Lobster Banditos!!!!

And Turtle... That is wrong on so many levels...


No one ever gives the love to Crazy Harry. One of my favorite Muppet Show episodes had Jean Stapleton, and she specifically asked to do a number with Crazy Harry and his Explodafone.

Total awesomeness.


dudes i had a miss piggy cake at my 10th birthday party.

you are jealous...



Everything I write on this site is always tongue in cheek. I mean jeez, I compared Long John Silver's to slavery in the 1800's in one sentence.

I didn't mean to offend and if I did, I probably did it to get a reaction.

It's just the way I am


First of all - that yip yip things are called Hippers. They were my imaginary friends when I was three, when we moved I couldn't take them with me so they went to work at the car wash.

My faves though?

1. Smiley the Worm. Oscar's best friend.

2. Miss Piggy. She taught me that a girl could be tough.

3. Fozzie Bear. What a lovable loser, I just want to take him home and cuddle him.

(also love Rizzo, especially in A Muppet Christmas Carol - Ratscicle!)


first of all, what's wrong with the word coloured? i'm kinda lost on that one.

second, that's slimey the worm. we watch him and oscar everyday, sometimes up to three times a day. it's one of the perks of being a stay home mama to a two-year-old.

three of my favourite characters? now, that's the hard part. let's go...

1. sweetums. duh. he's just gigantor and cool. and the scene with him running after the car in the muppet movie was sorta heartbreaking.
2. kermit. he brought me the news, he put up with miss piggy's ultra fucking annoying crap, and he was just the best. sittin' on that log, strummin' his banjo...plus, how many other frogs that you know can ride a bike?!
3. zoe. she's so friggin' cute. she's a tomboy who drives around in an imaginary car, wearing a tutu. what's not to dig?



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