Welcome to another one of my weekly articles. If we are catching you for the first time, please feel free to check out my archives! I have covered a wide range of different topics and I hope to continue to share with you my misadventures in dating, drag, and the fun that happens in between! This week we will begin by talking about fetishes, those things that seem trivial to some, and completely hot and sexy to others. Given the way the week went, I think I might touch on a few other topics as well.

Let’s begin with a very common fetish, and work from there. It has been my experience that a few people have a foot fetish, these people think toes are totally erotic, the shape of the ankle, the curve to the heel, all combine to make the foot a wondrous thing to behold to some people. They want to suck kiss and lick a person’s feet and feel sexual arousal from doing so. I recall having my toes sucked for the first time when I was about nineteen years old, and it was I’ll admit a very arousing experience. Now I don’t find the foot to be a particularly erotic part of the body, but I will concede to the erotic feeling one receives when receiving this particular treatment... I also giggled quite a bit, and am ok with returning the pleasure, so long as the foot is washed and in reasonable shape. Aside from the foot, people find all sorts of body parts more arousing than others.

Like the hands, armpits, wrists, necks, thighs, lips, ears, and even various characteristics of the body. For example, the “Bear” set are a group of people who enjoy body hair and/or large stature, sometimes muscle mass, and sometimes weight. I myself enjoy a nice fuzzy beard and a cuddly body, and frequently am friends with a lot of those people, despite the fact that I’m a thin, waif-ish, and mostly smooth gay man. But for me, I don’t think that that is all there is to date in this world. On the opposite side of that set, there is the “Twink” set: skinny, hairless wonders that bring to mind thoughts of Peter Pan… Actually I have a game of the “Disney” themed “Sorry”. We call the Peter Pan game piece “Twink Boy”. (We also call Cinderella, “Cinder-Fucking-Rella”) This makes for a fun drinking game as well… Back to the fetish thing, these subcultures of the gay social scene cross pollinate all the time, and there are plenty of other cultures that are doted upon when it comes to body and ethnic types. Online you can find rooms for Asians and the ones who love them, bears, twinks, circumcised, un-circumcised, foot fetishes, leather fetishists, bondage people, and many others, including the terrifying group of people who participate in:

FISTING

This practice scares me to no end. The process is rather long and drawn out, more of an operation than a sexual experience. (At least to me.) One person either gets on all fours or gets into a very relaxed lying down position, usually with the legs in the air. This facilitates better angles for entry. Now the “fister” usually, and should wear a latex glove that reaches past the elbow. This gets slathered in generous amounts of lubricant. Most popularly: Crisco. (SHIVER!) The submissive will lie there while his poor anus is slowly stretched and poked, first with a few fingers and then a while later the entire hand, which can then, (Once past the sphincter.) be slowly and carefully inserted up to the forearm or further.

This practice is deadly. As I’ve said before, there is a membrane or tissue, about 8-10 inches up the rectal area that is as delicate as a wet paper towel, if this tears or is punctured in any way, it causes internal bleeding, and almost instant death. Since we humans actually have no pain receptors past the sphincter muscle when it comes to that area, there is no way to tell whether or not you are actually really screwing up your internal organs. In defense of the fisting set, there have been studies that show that the muscles of the rectal area are pliable enough to accommodate something roughly the size of a bowling ball. (Though I’m not sure about the weight of one.)

Also as I have said before, I have been witness to fisting videos and do not think they are arousing at all, though many of the actors placing themselves at such a risk tend to look pretty hot, until that is, their rear is violated in such a manner. More often than not, poppers are used by the submissive to also help with the painful aspect of this particular fetish. Poppers are a liquid incense that can be purchased at most, if not all, adult film stores. It is a small bottle, sometimes also called “Rush”, or labeled discretely as “Video Head Cleaner”. I am not sure about exactly what chemicals it is made up of, but the odor is not unpleasant. The instructions on the bottle, say to open it and set it on a shelf to permeate the air. This is rarely how it is used, most commonly it is held under the nose, and the person inhales the vapor slowly. It produces a head rush similar to what happens when you stand up too fast, and your head gets all “fuzzy”. It also makes the head throb a bit and your heart pounds for a few seconds. I have done this a number of times, but I am not a huge fan, the side effect for me, was headaches. I’m not going to cause a headache for the sake of a little push that lasts only a few seconds. I’d rather go without and have another round of sex! (I have used poppers; I will never be fisted, just to set the record straight!) Now then, back to fetishes.

SCAT and WATERSPORTS

This is a truly odd and rather disgusting fetish I am happy to say I do NOT have. It is the pee and poop fetish. Now I have not; thankfully, been witness to this on film or in person, though I am aware of its existence. But personally, I don’t understand it, the idea of feeling sexual when having a person poop on me is kind of disturbing. This goes for the sensation and fascination, with having a lover pee on you. However entire chat rooms and sex parties that occur frequently have rooms for this fetish that go alongside the dungeon, and the fisting rooms. Wading pools of pee and special chairs for the poopers to poop on their beloved are provided. While disgusting, it’s probably very safe STD wise. But really, I ask you: HOW IS THIS HOT???? I think it’s rather going to turn my poor stomach rather than get my prick hard. So we’ll move on and away from that particular brand of “Fun”.

LEATHER, BONDAGE, AND PAIN

We have touched on this subject a number of times in my article, mostly because it is quite a curiosity to me, and generally is one of the more widely known fetish areas. Personally, I am a bit curious as to what sex with leather accessories would be like, and sooner or later I plan on experiencing it at least once, minus the pain and exaggerated bondage. These people like the feel, smell, and look of leather. They buy harnesses, collars, chaps, thongs, vests, pants, and any manner of leather to feel sexy and erotic. To my mind some go overboard, and wind up looking like that damn fool from the movie “Barb Wire” starring Pamela Anderson, Do you know who I mean? If not, this poor actor got up in a suit that looked more like a scuba diver than a sexy man in chaps. Can we find a picture of that?? Anyone???

The bondage aspect is a bit more silly and sometimes includes leather. People seem to enjoy the feeling of helplessness that comes from being bound and most often gagged. Some people actually enjoy being tied with rope so much, that they practically cut off circulation to various parts of the body! Sometimes the layout of rope is so intricate and complex, that it looks more like a perverse spider web than it does anything sexy that I could think of… I think the latest fad has been duct tape, I have seen entire bodies wrapped up in a grey cocoon of tape. It looks rather uncomfortable, and I think it would be rather painful to remove! I can barely stand to remove a well placed band-aid, let alone duct tape that’s rather firmly attached to my nipples.

This brings me to the pain thing. I am not a fan of this fetish, but it does on occasion include the previous two fetishes, or can be left alone as its own wonderful world of “pleasure”. Most often it involves the willing abuse of one’s self to create a sexual high. Asphyxiation, paddling, whipping, piercing, and bruising are all things that many people find very arousing. I personally, do not think hanging by hooks from the ceiling a very “liberating” experience. It reminds me more of something from a horror movie, or even “Ripley’s Believe it or Not”.

My own personal fetishes??? Well I personally have an appreciation for cowboys. (Brokeback Mountain was totally an emotional and visually arousing film for me. My friends call it my “Porn”. It is actually a very moving piece of cinema, if you haven’t seen it, try it, you might be surprised!) I happen to like noses. Its weird and I don’t get sexual kicks from them, but I do happen to notice and appreciate a nicely shaped one! I have a curiosity about leather, and sometime I hope to see what that’s all about. Maybe sometime “The Boyfriend” and I will go shopping for intimate playthings once we’ve gotten a bit closer and open about such things. (Well, I’m an open book. He still has embarrassment issues, I guess.)

Love Depression

Aside from the information on fetishes, I’d like to talk about what I call “Love Depression”, people who suffer from this poor affliction usually don’t know they have it, but I can define it as personal abuse to retain sympathy from potential love matches. You yourself may have encountered this or even been a sufferer of it yourself. A typical encounter usually revolves around the: “Nobody wants me.” routine, or a variation of this phrase.

For example I was just online not long ago and was conversing with a nice man who was suffering pretty badly from a feeling that he was not attractive or wanted in any way. He was a nice looking man in his thirties, with a lot to offer a person, and while I’m not a single male he had some nice qualities, which I’m sure any number of men would appreciate. But his attitude was a huge turn off. He continued to beat himself up emotionally in a conversational way, saying that he was destined to be single forever, and that no one wanted to love him.

It seems to me that this is one of the ways that lonely people try to gain sympathy for their loneliness and possibly manage to get a “Pity Date”. For those of you out there mingling about whom are single, please, don’t do this, it’s a huge turn off, and I really don’t suppose anyone thinking in such a way has any true chance at really loving themselves, and ultimately, another person. If you find yourself saying these things to other people, or alone to yourself, act quickly, grab a pen and paper, and write down every good quality you think you have to offer another person. Maybe you have a great laugh, or a really great pair of eyes, write down all that and follow it up with everything you are thankful for in life. I am thankful for my pets, my great family, and my wonderful friends, my good job, and my little home. I think once you learn to be content with the way things ARE, the more likely things are to get better!

The more you dwell upon what you don’t have, the further those things will be from you. Always feel free to share the positive, the negative, leave for later, after you’ve had a few weeks of dating, and then you can bring it up like: “You know, I never thought it could happen to me, but I can’t believe I’m dating such a great person!” It shares that you were just as insecure as the next person, and compliments your date at the same time. I truly think that I would not be dating such a great guy if I had said to him: “I’m unlovable, but I’m used to being dumped. It’s ok that no one wants me.” Instead, we chatted about movies, and traded compliments until ultimately we met in person, and things moved positively, through positive conversation. You act in the negative, and it stands to reason that the outcome will be negative. You steal, you get a fine, you help Nana bring in the groceries, and you get five bucks. I think most of us learned this young.

My advice to anyone encountering one of the victims of “Love Depression” is to be polite, tell them that so long as they think positively about love, and stop looking at the negative aspect of it, it will happen to them too. Everyone deserves to be loved, and for those of you discouraged about the potential for a mate, here are a couple things I found out through life, and magazines.

One, is that there was a study I read about, I think it was one of my folks AARP magazines, or maybe a “Details” Or “GQ” article, that stated that the average person meets their spouse later in life, that people wind up in love in their mid forties as opposed to earlier in life, they said that this was in part due to the longer life span of the human race, and the fact that later in life, people tend to be more stable in life, and that translates into confidence. Do you hear that people? Confidence in one’s self equates an ability to find love! Now I’m not talking about the cocky, “I can do anything” attitude, but the: “Hey I’m me, and I like who I am” attitude. So work on making sure you’re happy with yourself, and love will most likely find you!

The second is actually one that I’ve learned the hard way. Love always finds you when you aren’t looking for it. Everyone wants to be loved, and a lot of people hunt relentlessly for lovers and dates, devouring one personals ad after another, looking for that perfect match, as if ratios have anything to do with something so emotional and raw as love. “Maybe if I look at 14,356,123 profiles, my true love will be the 14,356,124th one.” I hardly think that the chances get any better the more actively you look. In my experience, the moment I decide to just be social, and have fun with personals sites and chat rooms, the date potentials just come to me regardless if I’m single or not. So have fun guys, and don’t worry about finding love, because sooner or later, it’ll find you!

That’s about it for the week… WHEW! It’s a long article! (Sorry about that, but once this queen gets going…) If you have ideas about future topics for my articles, or questions that you think you’d like me to elaborate on, feel free to let me know! I’m always on a search for a new way to look at things! I hope you all find happiness in the coming week. Don’t worry about me, I’m a Drag Queen, What do I know?

Matthew said "Video Head Cleaner"... Heh... Heh heh...

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