TAFC#1: 50 Best Fictional Bands - Part 3 by Michele Christopher
Welcome back to the third installment of the newest new thing at Faster Than The World - The Almost Final Countdown.
TAFC is a new column that will appear almost every day. Basically, it's a continuing series of countdowns, lists, and things that have numbers on them and tell you what's the best and worst of something.
What will happen is this: On Monday, the new category will be announced. The editors (or two of the four editors) will have their picks up for the category, so we start you out with either the first 10 or 20 of the list.
You guys know how to do this.
The first two installments are here and here for you to catch up on.
In case you miissed it, that is.
Think of us a VH1 without the ubiquitous presence of Ian Michael Black.
Sounds like fun, right? Not too confusing or anything? Good, because we are ready to roll on to Day 3 of this week's list.
These who have been nominated already are the following 20 bands so no need to nominate them again.
Everybody Gets Laid (the band from PCU)
Crucial Taunt (Cassandra's band from the Wayne's World series)
Coq Roq (the band from the Burger King Chicken Fries ad campaign)
Gidget and the Gories
The Banana Splits
Sonic Death Monkey (High Fidelity)
Billie and the Boingers (Bloom County)
The Queenhaters (SCTV)
The Darlings (Andy Griffith)
Alice Bowie (Cheech and Chong)
Rod Torfulson's Armada Featuring Herman Menderchuk (TKITH)
The Beets (Doug)
2ge+her (from the MTV show)
Arseface (from the comic book Preacher)
The Silver Platters (Brady Bunch)
MC Pee Pants (Aqua Teen Hunger Force)
According to your nominations, the new additions to the list are..........
Turtle takes care of the first five:
The Riverbottom Nightmare Band (Emmet Otter's Jugband Christmas)
I remember that this show came out when Jim Henson basically owned everything on TV. He could do no wrong. So what the hell. Make a Christmas special about the an otter with Kermit narrating. What the hell. Put them in a swamp. Well, it worked. A group of swamp dwellers who liked to steal things made the cut in FTTW best fake bands poll.
God Bless Jim Henson
The Blues Brothers
Were they real or fake? One of the bands that caused controversy in this poll. Yes they went on tour and yes, they had a kickass band, but it was all based on a skit so I don't know. All I know is that these guys had other things they were doing and the Blues Brothers wasn't their primary focus so we considered them a fake band. I don't know. But, it was our call and we made it.
Jake and Elwood. The Blues Brothers.
Plus they broke a lot of things when they filmed it, so that was cool.
These guys were cool. They sucked, but they were cool. Another band in the long list of "we are going to make it" types. But somehow, they did make it. And I guess they were so good, they took over the world. Which is pretty cool for being in a band. Plus Ginger Lynn was always hanging around fucking someone's dad. And lord knows, she needs the work.
Cold Slither from G.I. Joe
Devious band tempting us to join Venom with their rock and roll beats.
We're cold slither
You'll be joining us soon
A band of vipers
playing our tune
With an iron fist
and a reptitle hiss
we shall rule!
This is the kind of music that Tipper Gore warned you about.
Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem
What couldn't you say about these guys. They all had their own styles and they all just grooved. See, if this band was on a TV show today, you know they would show them getting stoned behind the stage before they went on. Well, maybe Dr. Teeth would be drinking bourbin and maybe Animal would be smoking speed but the rest of them would all be stoned. Specially Flyod Pepper, the stoned ass bass player. That guy was out of it. Janice just gets annoying after awhile but she still grooves along. All in all a steady band that held the show together. Fuck Scooter.
Michele gets the next five:
Eddie and the Cruisers
I gotta be honest with you. I hate this band and I hate this movie, much as I hate anything and everything that resembles Bruce Springsteen in even the tiniest way. But I won't let that stand in the way of the integerity of this poll. So here they are. In case you don't know, Eddie and the gang are from the self-titled movie about a guy who may or may not have been written to appear really similar to that Springsteen guy. He gets to hate the big time or something and disappears. Or gets lost. Or dies. I don't remember. But here's a clip of the band doing Tender Years.
Gotta love Homer. He's done everything, been everywhere, met everyone. Here, he is part of a barbershop quartet with Barney, Principal Skinner, Apu. Chief Wiggum figured in there somewhere too. The B-Sharps had some short lived worldwide fame and won a Grammy and had some merchandise with their name on it, including poisonous funny foam.
School of Rock
I have no problem telling you I really dug this movie. Sure, it was predictable and cliched and kind of cheesy in a fromage sort of way. But sometimes on a lazy Saturday afternoon in the middle of winter, that's just what you need. Some School of Rock. One of the only Jack Black roles I can tolerate for more than twenty minutes.
School of Rock on youtube
Josie and the Pussycats
This is where the whole furry thing started. Really. I blame Josie and her seductive tail and animal skin outfit. This is where guys started thinking "Man, I'd really like my woman to have a tail." And where girls started thinking "I wonder what it's like to be a cat?" The downfall of American society followed.