Relationship Karma
by Matthew Chase

Another super fun week has passed and here we are again! I hope that the week went a bit better for you than it did for me! (I hit a bit of a rough patch.) Other than that, things around here have been quite a whirlwind of angry guests and friends and everything. Which begs the question, when do things go from mature to immature? What happened to people discussing their problems in an even voice, without escalating to the point where say; crockery is thrown about the kitchen? In my family when there is a disagreement or a fight of any sort, the two parties take a bit of time to cool off, compose their thoughts and then discuss the situation, how it made them feel, and what can be done to help make things better between them. I recall one afternoon my father and I life_in_hellfttw.jpgwere having quite a heated discussion about something and you know at this point I can’t even remember what we were fighting about. But we started to raise our voices and yelling at one another. Neither one of us really wanted to back down and compromise on anything…

At about the same time in my life I had begun taking some classes in karate. During those classes, I learned a lot about my own emotions and how to deal with them. I learned that when I am feeling strongly about anything, especially when dealing with negative emotions, I have to take a few deep breaths and allow myself to get angry, accept that I am upset, and then I can calm down, because I am not fighting against my emotions, I have allowed myself to feel and accept them. This enables me to move on away from them. It surprises me that many people will sit and stew or overreact to any given situation simply because they continue to wallow in their own self misery. One of my many mantras about life is: “If you don’t like your life, change it.” This states that you are the only one in control of what goes on in your life, and instead of dwelling upon what you have lost, or what you haven’t gained, make a change to enable more positive energies into your life.

In my opinion, if you spend your time wallowing about with a “Poor me, everyone hates me” attitude, no one will like you because you’re just feeling sorry for yourself instead of making any changes to your life that can actually have a positive impact upon yourself. I accept that I do many foolish, stupid and insensitive things sometimes. I’m only human life_in_hellfttw2.jpgafter all, what sets me apart from a lot of people that I have come to observe, is my ability to accept those faults within myself and move on, all the while trying to be a better person.

It really is quite amazing to me the lengths that some people will go to in order to “Get back” at the person that had wronged them. Most of what they wind up doing is subversive, and immature, resembling more like a 16 year old girl with a heartbreak than a mature, thirty year old man or woman. You see crap like this all the time on TV. Jerry Springer’s show is a perfect example of the extreme ridiculousness that some people actually think is an ok way to behave, beating upon one another instead of acting like adults and talking out their problems. I have had relationships fall apart before, usually amicably, and we are still friends. I have seen other relationships that wind up looking like an all out war. I have seen people who actually make the underhanded attempt to get one’s friends to turn against them to favor the Ex –lover. This involves the breaking of many confidences in order to sway one’s friend to his/her particular “side”. This is the most underhanded part of any break up. So for me, I don’t need friends to define whether or not I am right or not. I know when I have not been a great example of humanity, but I also know when I am not given proper respect as well. I give all those around me as much respect as I can.

Though, as I have said I am not without faults. But when talking and interacting with them I do not fly off the handle with odd accusations, hysterical theories, or foolish comments. I keep my voice calm and even. I try not to say things I don’t mean, and I try to say things that are non-confrontational. And I try to get my feelings across in as direct a way as I can. I am not about to beat a dead horse just to keep the fires of unrest burning. If I am wronged or even if I am the perpetrator of any wrongdoings, I typically will come to one of two conclusions about the situation. Either the relationship is worth salvaging, or it isn’t. If there is still a great friendship there that is marred my current events, I will give the other party time to cool down, and then begin negotiations upon how the situation can be life_in_hellfttw3.jpgrectified. If the situation is unsalvageable, then I’d rather let bygones be bygones and understand that while I may have lost that particular person, I might be better off without them anyway. I am a great believer that things happen for a reason, and that things will be as they should.

So I try to maintain what I have to the best of my abilities, and if certain aspects of my life leave for one reason or another, I know that it will be ok because something new will always come to fill the emptiness that was left behind. I take solace in my family, and in my menagerie of animals, and I know that someday I will be the wonderful person that I want to be. I feel sad when things change rapidly in my life, whether for the good or the bad, change can be life altering. The impact of those events can be eye opening. Sometimes I will long for the way things used to be. I recall however, that life never moves backwards and so I look forward to the future. While remembering what has brought me to this point. These events are the ones that shape and mold us all. I hope we become better and more mature with each new experience presented to us. A friend once said to me: “God only tests the strong.” Gee, I must be made of adamantium. Bless you all in the coming weeks and may you find the joys and happiness that you long for. Don’t worry about me, I’m a Drag Queen, What do I know?

Matthew doesn't like to cope, he likes to change.


That post gave me a lot to think about on my way out the door this morning, to a job that I despise with coworkers that do not get along with each other where I have become the (unwilling) designated peacemaker. Thanks.


I hear ya. I think we all have our own ways of dealing. I'm irish so I grab a frying pan and start swinging. Right or wrong,it's the way I do it. I release all my anger without hurting anyone (I'm full of nothing but empty threats really) and then I'm over it. No grudge holding or revenge. Done. I've found it's important to be with people who either handle anger the same way as you do or at least accept that that's the way you are.
I've also learned (finally) that it's as important to find out how someone fights as it is to find out how he loves.


A friend once said to me: “God only tests the strong.” Gee, I must be made of adamantium.

heh heh heh....

your friend was right


Well in my own relationship experience I find that it becomes difficult to control your emotions in such a way to have a "Civilized" conversation. That no matter what the reasons are, there is always one whose heart will be broken, if not two. That the situation shown to us above is a snip-it from the "perfect" life. We all need to remember that life is neither perfect nor a fairy tale.


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