The editors of FTTW are sick, depraved folk. There, now that I've stated the obvious, let's move onto this week's poll ... masturbatory euphemisms.

This all started last week when we were deciding to write for our editor's picks. Here's how it went down.

Michele: Do we have a theme for this weekend?

Baby Huey: your mom. Everybody here like baseball enough to write a baseball-related post?

M: I do. I'm pretty sure turtle hates it but could probably write a whole post detailing why some other sport is superior to baseball.

if not enough of us like baseball we could do a general sports theme?

[...]

Finn: I hate baseball the way a fat girl hates Kate Moss... but I love ball
parks. It's odd, I know.....

Turtle: i could do a basketball team and a hockey team.

BH: Like, at the same time? damn.

M: it's easy once you get used to it. I could do football, baseball and hockey. You should see him take on a bowling team. Pins and all.

T: it gives "pinch hitting" an all new meaning. And don't even ask what "pulling the goalie" means.

BH: Do you often suffer from an empty net?

M: You can violate my crease anytime, baby.

T: You guys can all get what "icing" is. At least Michele knows what icing is.

M: My favorite part is the "shootout"

T: I'm going to clear my bench and sent all my boys out on the ice.

F: GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOALLLLLLLLL!!!!!

T: there would be a topic. If you had a map of the earth, what country would you must like to cum on?

M: I think someone needs to get laid. Today.

BH: Yes. I do.

M: Now when I watch the hockey game tonight, I'll feel like I'm watching porn. You people warp my mind.

You can see how things like this happen. Really, it's all my (Baby Huey's) fault. I take full responsibility, so I'll get things started. If you need some help, check out these links:

Female
Male

Kill da Wabbit -- Come on, that's AWESOME. You have to sing it, though. Don't say it And you gotta sing it just as you bust that nut.

Go number 3 -- Originally heard it on "Drawn Together." Love it!

Badgering the witness -- Anything that demeans lawyers is OK by me.

I'm really good at this coming up with names for this. -BH

Meanwhile, back at the ranch....

Really, when you think about it, it’s almost a testament to the ingenuity of humanity that we’ve managed to come up with so many ways to explain exactly how much self love we have for… ourselves. Whether we’ve got a date with Rosie Palm and her Five Sisters or we’re stuck at home Looking For Clues with Fred and Daphne, we never fail to come up with newer and more clever ways to tell everyone in the room that we’re heading out to Shake Hands with the Unemployed. Because when you think about it, the only thing that separates us from the monkeys is the fact that we tell everyone that we’re off to Test Fire the Death Star… They just do it.

Euphemisms that almost made the cut: Beating the Bishop, Hugging the Hose and Shaking Hands with Yul Brynner.

--F

Time for you all to give us your choices! And you know you have one. If not, you're lying.

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