TAFC#1: 50 Best Fictional Bands - Part 4 - Almost There
by Michele Christopher

Welcome back to the fourth installment of the newest new thing at Faster Than The World - The Almost Final Countdown.

TAFC is a new column that will appear almost every day. Basically, it's a continuing series of countdowns, lists, and things that have numbers on them and tell you what's the best and worst of something.midget-kiss.jpg

What will happen is this: On Monday, the new category will be announced. The editors (or two of the four editors) will have their picks up for the category, so we start you out with either the first 10 or 20 of the list.

You guys know how to do this.

The first two installments are here and here for you to catch up on.

And the last one.

In case you missed it, that is.

Think of us a VH1 without the ubiquitous presence of Ian Michael Black.

Sounds like fun, right? Not too confusing or anything? Good, because we are ready to roll on to Day 4 of this week's list.

These who have been nominated already are the following 30 bands so no need to nominate them again.

Spinal Tap
Everybody Gets Laid (the band from PCU)
Crucial Taunt (Cassandra's band from the Wayne's World series)
Coq Roq (the band from the Burger King Chicken Fries ad campaign)
The Rutles
Gidget and the Gories
Blues Brothers
The Banana Splitsandydarings.jpg
Sonic Death Monkey (High Fidelity)
Billie and the Boingers (Bloom County)
The Queenhaters (SCTV)
The Darlings (Andy Griffith)
Alice Bowie (Cheech and Chong)
Rod Torfulson's Armada Featuring Herman Menderchuk (TKITH)
The Beets (Doug)
2ge+her (from the MTV show)
Arseface (from the comic book Preacher)
The Silver Platters (Brady Bunch)
MC Pee Pants (Aqua Teen Hunger Force)
The Riverbottom Nightmare Band (Emmet Otter's Jugband Christmas)
Wyld Stallions
Cold Slither (G.I. Joe)
Eddie and the Cruisers
Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem
School of Rock
Josie and the Pussycats
Timmy and the Lords of the Underworld

According to your nominations, the new additions to the list are..........

Turtle takes care of the first five:

Randy Watson and Sexual Chocolatesexualchocolate.jpg
I will be honest and say I love Sexual Chocolate. This scene pretty much made the movie for me. He was so serious and so demanding about his band. And make no mistake. That was HIS band. Everyone has seen or knows guys like this. Or maybe has even been one. When the music is so good but no one cares. There must be something wrong with them! What is wrong with them?! Why don't they like us?!

Jackie Rodgers, Jr
Albinos represent! One of the bright spots of whatshisname's career. Jackie Rodgers Jr. was either retarded or stupid. I have no idea which one it was but it shaped my belief system that everyone in Canada is white and stupid. So next time I take a swipe at Canadians, remember, all you have to do is look at yourself for making me who I am.

Actually, I like Canadians. I just like making fun of them. I mean, what would the world be like today without Rush?

The Dale Gribble Bluegrass Experience
As someone pointed out earlier, they were pretty good. For a cartoon. I mean it had Dale in it and as everybody knows, Dale is cool. From his paranoid delusions to his conspiracy theories, he is pure cool. So in theory, if he is cool, he must know his bluegrass. It makes perfect sense to me. Although I really don't like bluegrass. It all reminds me of welfare and that scene from Deliverance. There were others in the band, but Dale was the mastermind. And I don't mean "mastermind" in the Ned Beatty way.

Jem_and_the_Holograms_by_ZzAerynzZ.jpgJem and the Holograms
I guess they were cool. Basic fact of these polls, someone has to review the ones that are nominated but no one likes. This is known as the shit job around FTTW and since I sleep late, everyone else seems to grab the good bands for themselves so I get stuck with the shit jobs. Meh. I'll do them if no one else wants to do them, but most of the time I will bitch as I am typing.


The band?

They were ok, I guess. Although I really think Jem needs a good screwing.

The Groovie Ghoulies
It's Hanna Barbera. I love Hanna Barbera. Did I ever tell you guys that they are the best thing that ever happened to cartoons? The really reinvented the art form by cutting budgets and recycling ideas and formats to an almost mind numbing formula. They had some cool moments too. Unfortunately, those cool moments happened over and over and over again. And over. I think these guys were from either Flintstones, Jetsons or Sacramento. I don't know. But they liked to throw a lot of toys when they were on stage.

Michele hits the next five:

Autobahn (Big Lebowski)

Best. Movie. Ever. So, by extension, Autobahn rules.

Plus, they are nihilists.

Walter Sobchak: Nihilists! Fuck me. I mean, say what you like about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it's an ethos.


Figrin d'An & the Modal Nodes

It was kind of inevitable that I would put this here. I mean, it's Star Wars. When I get the chance to do something Star Wars geeky, I do it.

Cantina song

Richie's band from Happy Days.
They had no name. Really, I looked it up. The band with no name. I can think of a couple for them. How about Whitey and the White Boys? Because really, there was no one whiter than Richie and his friends. Or maybe some variation of that including the words, geeks, nerds, etc. It's not that I didn't like them, but I liked them within the context of the show. Here they are, in full nerd gear:


Oh wait, that's not them.

rexysmallerbnw.jpgRex Manning (Empire Records)
Rex Manning (Maxwell Caufield) is the epitome of ego-inflated male teen idols. All winged back hair and full of pomposity, Rex gets his ego taken down a notch or two in this movie. Caufield played this part to the hilt.

Jane: Actually, his new album tested well among teenage males.
Lucas: Jane, did you compare the percentage of teenage male Rex Manning fans to the incidence of homosexuality amongst teenage males?

I loved Lucas in this movie. By the way, this is one of those movies that isn't quite as awesome as you remember it being.

Niggaz With Hats (N.W.H.)
If you have never seen the movie Fear of a Black Hat, you need to get off your ass right now and go purchase/rent/illegaly procure it. It's a documentary in the style of Spinal Tap, and just as good. NWH are kinda dumb and not a really good band but somehow you find yourself wanting nothing but the best for them. What CB4 wanted to be, Fear of a Black Hat was ten times over. Fuck tha Security Guards!

So those are the next ten nominations. Keep nominating and looking back at what is already up there. We have 10 more open slots till the big vote comes in on Friday and we can sort this all out.

From top to bottom. We will sort them out.

The Top 50 Fake Bands in order as decided by you.

But, we still need 10 more nominations!

If we missed yours, they will probably make it and just haven't been put in yet, but to make sure we get them, post them again.


If Jem and the Holograms make the cut, you may as well add their arch nemesiseses "The Misfits." It smacks of blasphemy tho


Gimme a C, a bouncy C!



Where is Leather Tuskidero?? She rocked and was such a rebel too. It was all Fonzie could do to get her on the right track.

She kind of reminded me of Joan Jett and that is cool. Crimson and Clover over and over.


we still have 10 more to go

then the voting begins


Jizm from the Ritchie Rich comic books.

The Hex Girls - from Scooby Doo and the Legend of the Vampire (my girls must have watched this movie for five months straight).

Otis Day and the Knights - from Animal House

Lili Von Shtupp - from Blazing Saddles.

Open 24 Hours - from Square Pegs

Has anyone said Stillwater from Almost Famous yet?

Okay, enough for now.


I feel seriously remiss in my duties for missing Otis Day and the Nights.


The Fabulous Stains?

I think from the movie of the same name.

Anyone mention that yet?


Okay, I now realize I'm talking to myself but...

Buckaroo Banzai and the Hong Kong Cavaliers

I don't know how you can have a serious list without them.


I agree 100% Timmer. Buckaroo and the boys need to be represented. I'll write 'em up, Michele...


I second Stillwater. How did I forget about them? I didn't notice anyone else mention them in the previous posts.


Marvin Berry & The Starlighters: the band that Marty McFly plays with at the enchantment Under the Sea dance in Back to the Future.

That scene made me want to learn how to play the guitar when I was 10.


Jizm from the RITCHIE RICH COMIC BOOK? I totally missed that. Those pervs. And Dan, that was hilarious. I doubt anyone will read this comment now tho


eh, correction... turtle. not dan. not that dan isn't funny... but i was talking about turtle's post


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