It's Friday and it's time for the group thing.

No, not that kind of group thing. That happens on Saturdays. I mean the group question/answer/peek into the minds of FTTW writers thing.

This week we have we are talking about movies. Particularly, movies you loathe, that everyone else loves. Movies that you have no idea why they are so beloved and popular. Something you look and think, WTF? Why did my friends tell me this is the greatest movie ever? Why did this win awards? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

Anyhow, that's how it started off. As usual with these FTTW board meetings, things stray, get out of hand, go off topic or just morph into something else entirely. Or maybe they just don't pay attention to what I ask of them. Short attention spans. Must be the on-site meth lab and moonshine still that causes it.

Here's the result of this week's meeting. Complete with insults, infighting, a discussion on the merits of Napoleon Dynamite and BAD TASTE.

Dan: I hate a lot of action movies that I'm supposed to love. I hated Speed and I hated The Rock. Especially The Rock. Oh shit if Nicholas Cage doesn't grab that little blue ball of badness then we're all gonna die so he's diving for it in slow motion and yelling nnnnoooooooo and oh no do you think he's gonna get to it in time?

Course he does. Loser.

Michele: I tend to hate most Nick Cage movies, just because he is in them. Ceptin Raisin Arizona, of course.

I have a thing against Tom Hanks movies. I HATE HATED Forrest Gump. Thought it was a complete piece of hokey crap. I know damn well I am in the minority there. I also hated Castaway. That movie was like tedium magnified. Joe v. the Volcano? Everyone I know loves that movie. I want to stab myself in the head with a pencil every time it's on tv.
Others: American Beauty. You call it art, I call it two hours of my life wasted on pretentiousness.
Eyes Wide Shut. You call it art, I call it Embarrassing Cinema. I cringed in some parts, I was so embarrassed for the actors.
Signs. Yea........so.............these aliens.....they are afraid of water and they invade a planet made primarily of water? And they are smart enough to have the technology to fly to other planets but they are too dumb to figure out how to turn a doorknob? And then the whole thing ends up being a religious epiphany for Mel Gibson? This is MST3K material.
The Village. Another M Night Shamalalamdingdong movie. This was more predictable than a Bugs Bunny cartoon. Not scary. Not frightening. Jaw dropping bad.

Branden: Oh man, you just opened a can of worms...

Anchorman. Old School. Any of the Will Ferrel flicks like this.

WHY THE HELL DO PEOPLE FIND THIS GUY FUNNY?!? Don't get me wrong--he did some great stuff in his seven years on SNL, but if you take his whole body of work, about one percent of what he's ever done is laughable. The stupid fucking Spartan cheerleaders? What the hell? Janet Reno's Dance Party? The only time that was even remotely funny was when Reno herself showed up. And then there's Old School. This movie can suck my taint. For WEEKS, I had friends quoting this movie. "Oh my god, it's so funny, you have to see it!" Well, I saw it, and I laughed a few times, but it just isn't that great of a movie. And don't get me started on Anchorman. I couldn't even get through the first thirty minutes of that insipid piece of shit. It's like when people went nuts over Jim Carrey back in his Ace Ventura days. I just don't get it. So some guy makes some funny voices and acts goofy. It isn't doing anything for comedy.

But the number one offender for me is that horrible, no good, piece of shit waste of time Wedding Crashers. This is the movie that made me look at everyone and think, "I'm surrounded by utter morons." There is maybe ONE time during this movie that I laughed out loud. The rest of it was just inane babble and an excuse for Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson and Owen Wilson's broke-ass nose to try (and miserably fail) to satirize misogyny. And then the last half turns into a fucking love story! What the hell man? And then Will Ferrells cameo at the end? IT WASN'T FUNNY PEOPLE. It was stupid. And I'm dumber for having watched it.

Man, I feel better now.

[A couple of people follow this up with "I don't get Will Ferrell, either" comments. Including yours truly]

Dave in Texas: . Did not like Forrest Gump, and generally not a fan of the Magical Retard(TM) plot device.

I've seen some bad films. You've seen some bad films. You've seen some really long bad films. But the longest, crappiest film there ever was, which was heralded as a beautiful story with beautiful cinematography with two of Hollywood's (at the time) hottest romantic leads evah, was Out of Africa.

My God, mind numbing boredom. A story of the strong woman, who takes charge and finds her destiny growing, hell I can't even remember, pomegranates or some shit like that, on her plantation that her Dutch German Nazi whatever family STOLE from the Africans just like those damn sneaky euro-bastards used to do. They gave em bibles and took the land. HYAH!

Anyway, I think it was the first time I noticed a soft focus shot used on Redford to hide what a truly ugly mo-fo he had aged into by then.

And Meryl Streep. AUGH! Did we get a little overplay with this chick or what? She's not cute. She's not funny. She's not interesting. Perfect choice for this movie. I would rather SLAM THE TRUNK LID DOWN ON MY DICK than watch a Meryl Streep film.

*ragged breathing*

I'm ok now.

Tim Shaw: Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon.

Good lord...Hey...they’re running on the tree tops!!!1111oneonejuan!!11 I had people castigating me for not having seen it. “You haven’t seen it yet?! OMG...you HAVE to see it...the sword...THE SWORD!!!!!111

Saw it...turned my head like a confused dog...couldn’t even finish watching it.

Ernie: The only thing I can think of is that I pretty much dislike / loathe all of the Walt Disney animated movies. There are a few exceptions, like 101 Dalmations, the cartoon version, I like that one.. but I mostly hate the rest of them. (Pixar does not count as a Disney movie, yet).

Travis: Napoleon God Damn Flaming Pile of Shit Dynamite

I hate this movie.
I hate people who like this movie.
As a by product of this movie I hope that Jon Heder dies in a train wreck, after he gets cancer, and AIDS
I hope the guy who wrote this movie gets anally raped by a bison.
I hope the entire state of Idaho explodes and potato chips rain down from the heavens
Then I hope someone digs Jon Heders corpse and fucks it with a jackhammer. that doesn't mean I want someone to enjoy having sex with his corpse. That means I hope someone violates his limp, dead, carcas with a piece of road working equipment.

Dave comments: gee, and here I was all proud of myself for coming up with the Slamming Trunk Lid Comparison(TM), which IMHO expresses the idea pretty clearly, and Travis just goes and completely harshes my mellow with all dat hyperbole shit. I am depressed.

Kristine: Sunshine Spotless Mind something or other.

meh

It was "okay" I suppose, but not something to crawl up Jim Carrey's ass and pitch a tent over. It was badly written, all over the place, edited horribly.

Just ick.

(Kristine also threw in a side comment validating my hatred for American Beauty. So did Ernie.)

Meg: It's The Village for me too.... If she's blind, and she sees people's auras, HOW COME SHE'S FOOLED BY THE COSTUME!?!?!?!

On the plus side, I did manged to impress some friends by figuring out the totally obvious ending.

Bonnie: I'm going with the crapfest called Napoleon Dynamite. This movie helped perpetuate the stupidity of a generation kids who can't speak properly to begin with!

This is where I felt the need to step in:

Just for the record

I loved Napoleon Dynamite.

You know why? It was a potential "feel good"story without the feel good. Without the cliches of every high school movie. There were so many points where it could have turned into that feel good movie and it didn't. I admire it for that.

And it made me smile.

To which Travis replied: I quit.

Branden: The only thing I can say, is that I admire the movie for being so unique. And you know what? If it was some little-known flick that I'd discovered on my own and I had absolutely no expectations for, I probably would have liked it. But it was built up so much as "the funniest movie EVAR" that it kind of hit me upside the head. I don't think that movie was a comedy.

me: See, I never looked at it as a comedy. I never really laughed out loud or thought it was very funny. I saw it before I heard the hype, so I had no expectations of it. I thought it was a unique, clever, quirky, weird movie. I just enjoyed it for what it was without expecting BEST EVER anything out of it.

Richard: I liked Nappy D kind of, but it was definitely burdened by the heaping piles of gush spittle from everyone I knew that had already seen it. The second time around I was able to enjoy it for what it was, and I liked it a little bit more. I think there may have been more to this movie than you'd first suspect. Consider; most of the cast and crew were Mormons. The major theme of the movie is that every one in the movie is in desperate need of some caffeine. Conspiracies, yeah, I gots 'em.

Branden: Ok, then I'll put ND in the category of "Wish my friends had kept their traps shut about it before I watched it" as opposed to "unbridled crapfest." Wedding Crashers, however, stays in "unbridled crapfest."

Me: i learned to be careful about movie recommendations from friends and family. for instance, if my sister says to me "this is the greatest movie ever" i have to keep in mind that, before this, she thought Dude, Where's My Car was the greatest movie ever.

On the other hand, I think Killer Klowns From Outer Space is great art.

[This is where Branden burst out into song...the Killer Klowns From Outer Space theme song]

DR: Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club, Porky's, & Animal House.

Granted, I didn't see these until I was in my very late teens, well past their "prime" times. That might have contributed to my overall unimpressed view.

Also, any of the Griswold vacation movies. I love Chevy Chase, but I just couldn't get into those movies.

Baby Huey: i liked napoleon dynamite because it might as well have been the story of my youth. i grew up in as bumpkin a town as he did. i grew up on a farm. i was in 4-h. our dances were that awkward.

that being said, my choice for worst movie ever was "White Noise." fuck you, michael keaton. i lasted 40 minutes into that steaming pile, and it still stands as the only movie that i've ever walked out of the theater on. you have to understand, i like some really shitty movies. to be bad enough for ME to walk out of it is a feat in and of itself. oooh you mean i can talk to my dead mom on the tv if I turn it to the staticy channel? WAIT THERE'S A MEAN GHOST THERE TOO TRYING TO ATTACK ME? Oh wait, that's just mom. Hi, mom.

Pat: WTF movie: The second Harry Potter. I read the books, so I severely wanted to take the director out and shoot the M-F. He cut some of the best stuff from the book, added totally gratutitous shit (like the ornate entrance to the Chamber), didn't make Professor Lockhart even closely resemble the asshole in the book (ah, but maybe we must not make Kenneth Branaugh look bad)... he just fucked the whole movie. Very disappointed.

Joel: I couldn't get into Anchorman much, either. Didn't hate it, but definitely didn't think it was the brilliance so many people think it is.

Have to disagree with you people on Eternal Sunshine (great) and kind of on American Beauty, though while I initially loved it, I didn't nearly love it so much when I rewatched it recently. I'll take Six Feet Under instead (which could probably open a whole other can of worms here.)

Also, Napoleon Dynamite is a movie I've never seen and that feels completely overrated to me. But I've never seen it, so it would be complete BS for me to actually call it overrated.

So instead, my pick is Talladega Nights.

Can anyone explain to me why the hell this movie is so popular? Listen, I'm not against stupid comedies. I love Dodgeball, which is one of the greatest stupid comedies ever. But Talladega Nights is not funny. It's not. Seriously, you have to believe me on this. It drags, and there are one or two parts that are vaguely amusing, like that dinner table scene and maybe that knife in the thigh bit, but otherwise it was just boring as all hell. I could barely get through it. And I don't hate Will Ferrell (though I don't think he's a genius) and I freaking love John C. Reilly. But no. No. This is not the brilliant comedy it's made out to be. It's an incredibly mediocre one at best and it didn't deserve the money or acclaim.

I don't know, maybe it's because I don't watch or give a damn about NASCAR. Maybe there were hundreds of brilliant, subtle jokes involving the NASCAR culture that went over my head. But somehow, I'm thinking subtle jokes are not what the movie was filled with. I'm thinking something else, much less pleasant.

Deb: 28 Days Later. Sweet HeyZeus on a pogo stick - this the crappiest piece of shite that I ever paid money to see. I was rooting for the infected to win. I wanted to see all the main whiney asshole characters die in horrible ways. Did they? Nope.

Kill me I got blood in my fekking eye indeed.

AND another thing that I fekking hate about the mellon farmers that rave about this movie. They call it a fekking ZOMBIE movie. It wasn't a ZOMBIE movie fuckheads, there were no ZOMBIES!

There was ONE thing that amused me in this whole shitbag of a movie...The British were infected with uncontrollable rage. Now THAT's comedy.

[a short conversation ensued here between a couple of people that mostly involved the words "your mom"]

Johnny: 8 mile

spaghetti, spaghetti, spaghetti

it's like the hip-hop Rocky, only no Clubber Lang.


also, any movie where dancing is used to settle a beef.

Baby Huey: if you ever besmirch the name of Breakin 2: Electric Boogaloo again, I will cut your face.

[there was a little back and forth here which ended when BH said: "if my heart could dance it would look like that." really. he wrote that.]

Tim O'Connell: Come late to the party and miss all the easy ones. Okay, I'm just gonna throw them out there and let the hate flow.

I've got to go with any Clint Eastwood movie made after Pale Rider and wasn't Pale Rider just another fucking remake of Shane?

Whether he's in it, or directing it, I'm always waiting for something interesting and/or not depressing to happen. I walk away from most Clint Eastwood movies of the past 20 years wanting to slit my abdomen open sideways.

Gear up your hate, here it goes:

The Big Lebowski and I blame most of you. Thanks to you I expected the greatest Coen Brothers movie ever. Better than Raising Arizona, better than Fargo. It's not what I got. Don't get me wrong, it was funny. It was painfully funny. Donny dying is fucking hilarious, but I'm dark that way. The "drug" scenes were cute. I'm sorry, but it's not their best work. Raising Arizona is better and Fargo kicks it's ass. Blood Simple was more interesting. Compared to most movies, it rocks, but you all blew it way the hell out of proportion.

I know, I know, I'm dead to some of you...I'll get over it.

Cullen: Lost in fucking Translation. I loved this movie. I mean I was really into it. I dug every little bit of it. Probably had something to do with living in Japan for three years, but I understood it. And then the ending happened and made it the worst piece of shit I'd ever seen. Muthafuckin' Sophia Coppola.

Shawna: I don't watch too many movies, theatre or TV. Most of them are crap and I hate the fact that every scene is more predictable than the previous. And chick flicks - geez, spare me the sappiness. No, thank you.

There was a movie a few years ago that go such good reviews and everyone said was sooooooo funny that I broke down, merely out of curiosity, and I rented the movie.

Something About Mary

Biggest fucking waste of two hours that I will never ever get back. It was the stupid movie ever. And, you know, sometimes movies are so stupid that they're funny. No this one. It was just stupid.

Kali: ok i've been waiting to say this but i hated that tennenbaums movie. that fucking guy makes movies to hear himself talk and the actors only like it because they get to hear themselves talk more.
it smacks of "i'm totally smarter than you" humor which ranks right up there in my book with "i'm going to use lots of big words on purpose so that you feel small and ignorant."
i hate that guy... there's a reason that life aquatic sucked. HE SUCKS!!!

BH: i need to change my answer. i originally said White Noise. But then I realized, nobody in their right mind could have liked that movie.

My real choice is Scarface. Seriously, there's not a single redeeming quality about this goddamn movie. Oh, Al Pacino does a lot of blow? In other news, duuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhh. Next person who tries to be cool by wearing a white polyester suit with giant lapels and says "SAY HELLO TO MY LEEEETLE FRIEEEEND" is getting shanked.

AAAaaand I'm spent. I'm sure I left out a lot of conversational snippets, but you all don't really need to hear about the porn watching habits of our writers.

What about you? What's your WTF movie?

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